LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Her life is messy


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree10Likes
  • 1 Post By yummycheese
  • 1 Post By Satu
  • 1 Post By longjohn
  • 1 Post By Cherryz
  • 2 Post By ExpatInItaly
  • 3 Post By S2B
  • 1 Post By frus69
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11th June 2016, 7:55 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 11
Her life is messy

So, met a girl online, things progressed quickly, we added each other on Facebook and talked fairly consistently. Sometimes we'll go a week without talking much, then next week, we'll be chatting all day.
So things go great and we quickly establish that we're very interested in each other, conversation is flowing, it's cute as hell, it's great basically!

We don't talk for a couple weeks but she invites me to a house party. Which I thought was odd because she only invited like 10 extremely close, long term friends, and we've only been talking for a couple months AND I live out of town (she offered to let me stay the night).

How she's feeling is driving me crazy, so I ask her if we're still talking with the intention of dating and she said 'I'm not sure right now'.
Basically, she's been kicked out the house by her dad and is staying with a friend's aunt, she's got no job, she's in the middle of exams at school and she's almost completely broke and struggling to find social housing.

Her reasoning for not continuing our thing is that her 'life's a mess' and she 'doesn't want to drag anyone into it', which I completely understand. We exchanged a few compliments, I reiterated my interest and she appreciated it and it made her smile, and it ended on a really sweet note.

What do you guys think? Do I have a chance?
Satu likes this.
yummycheese is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2016, 8:15 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Satu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: LV-426
Posts: 9,466
Journal Entries: 124
"I'm not sure right now" = No.

But do you really want to be with someone who doesn't have anything going right in their life?

If she's failing at everything else, she isn't likely to be very good at being anybodies girlfriend.

You could do better.


Take care.
__________________


"We fly to get high."
Satu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 12:22 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Dublin
Posts: 469
Quote:
Originally Posted by yummycheese View Post
So, met a girl online, things progressed quickly, we added each other on Facebook and talked fairly consistently. Sometimes we'll go a week without talking much, then next week, we'll be chatting all day.
So things go great and we quickly establish that we're very interested in each other, conversation is flowing, it's cute as hell, it's great basically!

We don't talk for a couple weeks but she invites me to a house party. Which I thought was odd because she only invited like 10 extremely close, long term friends, and we've only been talking for a couple months AND I live out of town (she offered to let me stay the night).

How she's feeling is driving me crazy, so I ask her if we're still talking with the intention of dating and she said 'I'm not sure right now'.
Basically, she's been kicked out the house by her dad and is staying with a friend's aunt, she's got no job, she's in the middle of exams at school and she's almost completely broke and struggling to find social housing.

Her reasoning for not continuing our thing is that her 'life's a mess' and she 'doesn't want to drag anyone into it', which I completely understand. We exchanged a few compliments, I reiterated my interest and she appreciated it and it made her smile, and it ended on a really sweet note.

What do you guys think? Do I have a chance?
So why the on/off again communication? Why did her father kick her out and why is she living with a "friends aunt". Where is her mother and what age is this person?

There's a lot of information missing that would help build a fuller picture of this situation.
Cherryz likes this.
longjohn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 12:39 AM   #4
Established Member
 
todreaminblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down under
Posts: 13,949
Journal Entries: 2
Personally i have begun to realize that life is never tidy and organized...life happens.....and its not in our control however much we try to make it ours....theres a higher being at work....and what we think is best is often...not........life doesnt respect our carefully laid plans and schedules......what gives me comfort is to know god's got it under control.....he has the plan.....and its intricate...and massive and intertwined with every one else and their life......gives me a headache ...so droppin it....

waiting until your life is in an order you appreciate or others appreciate...fails to let life happen as it should and fails to recognize the maker of lives....he has a tendency to knit in storms we just cant see....just to test the quality of the fabric of said lives......if he doesnt like the quality...yep he will unravel a bit of wool...and start again.......


i disagree with the poster above who said why would you want to date someone who doesnt have anything going right......

i feel you see what metal someone is made of under duress...not when everything is peachy......you get to see their vulnerability their strength their ...metal......the armor they have against strife......not only that...they get to see your metal...your armor...when you say ...yeah life has rough seas ...still want to sail with you though...we can do it.....

i am going to differ here and say yeah you have a chance...stick by her....tell her life is never tidy....even when you think it is...theres a storm always coming that will change that..be the calm, the eye in her storms..she is respecting you not wanting you to climb aboard a leaky vessel ......tell her....you care enough to want to anyway..whatever happens......good on you for wanting to take that chance regardless..everyone always has a chance......chances are a given....life is not predictable..unless you are a psychic a revelator a seer....a prophet...or god..and still they pray about it........the rest of us just have to pray and do what is right by us and others.....so happy prayin....and ..best wishes..........deb

Last edited by todreaminblue; 12th June 2016 at 12:53 AM..
todreaminblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 2:35 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 468
She told you already that she got to much going on.
And you know it.

You dont want to start anything with someone in middle of a mess.
This may continue the whole relationship with you trying to solve her issues an d get suck into it.
And that may become all this relationship will be about.

Why did her dad put her out? And why is she not just with her mom or own family but with a aunt of a friend..................?

I think its best to be just casual friends. This is not a healthy situation to start anything with someone.
Popsicle likes this.
Cherryz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 5:30 AM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by longjohn View Post
So why the on/off again communication? Why did her father kick her out and why is she living with a "friends aunt". Where is her mother and what age is this person?

There's a lot of information missing that would help build a fuller picture of this situation.
Communication is iffy because she's depressed a lot and doesn't have mobile data all the time. Wifi is also spotty so she'll be off line for like days at a time sometimes.

Not sure why her dad kicked her out, all she said was that they've not had a good relationship at all really. Mum lives out of town, and she can't go there because she has school where she currently lives. She's 18 and I'm 21.
yummycheese is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 1:19 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9,735
Regardless of the reasons for her situation, she isn't in a place to be in a relationship right now.

That's all that matters, ultimately.
Popsicle and S2B like this.
ExpatInItaly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 2:03 PM   #8
S2B
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,187
Id rather see you dating someone who has less drama, more consistency and something positive to offer you.

Do that...
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 6:51 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 614
Quote:
Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
Personally i have begun to realize that life is never tidy and organized...life happens.....and its not in our control however much we try to make it ours....theres a higher being at work....and what we think is best is often...not........life doesnt respect our carefully laid plans and schedules......what gives me comfort is to know god's got it under control.....he has the plan.....and its intricate...and massive and intertwined with every one else and their life......gives me a headache ...so droppin it....

waiting until your life is in an order you appreciate or others appreciate...fails to let life happen as it should and fails to recognize the maker of lives....he has a tendency to knit in storms we just cant see....just to test the quality of the fabric of said lives......if he doesnt like the quality...yep he will unravel a bit of wool...and start again.......


i disagree with the poster above who said why would you want to date someone who doesnt have anything going right......

i feel you see what metal someone is made of under duress...not when everything is peachy......you get to see their vulnerability their strength their ...metal......the armor they have against strife......not only that...they get to see your metal...your armor...when you say ...yeah life has rough seas ...still want to sail with you though...we can do it.....

i am going to differ here and say yeah you have a chance...stick by her....tell her life is never tidy....even when you think it is...theres a storm always coming that will change that..be the calm, the eye in her storms..she is respecting you not wanting you to climb aboard a leaky vessel ......tell her....you care enough to want to anyway..whatever happens......good on you for wanting to take that chance regardless..everyone always has a chance......chances are a given....life is not predictable..unless you are a psychic a revelator a seer....a prophet...or god..and still they pray about it........the rest of us just have to pray and do what is right by us and others.....so happy prayin....and ..best wishes..........deb
You stick with someone whose life is a mess when you are already in an established relationship with that person.
Not with an internet stranger who you never even met!
joseb likes this.
frus69 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 8:19 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 7,786
You should take her at face value.

I think you two want different things right now. She just wants a friend to talk to, you want a girlfriend. She's not willing to (or can't) come over to your side of things, ask yourself if you're willing to come over to her side of things?
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 11:29 PM   #11
Established Member
 
mortensorchid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 3,899
I think the question is do YOU want to be with her? It doesn't sound like you do, based on what you have said.
mortensorchid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2016, 11:51 PM   #12
Established Member
 
todreaminblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down under
Posts: 13,949
Journal Entries: 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by frus69 View Post
You stick with someone whose life is a mess when you are already in an established relationship with that person.
Not with an internet stranger who you never even met!
i didnt actually mean to start a relationship with her straight away sorry that i didnt make that clear........she said she wasnt ready anyway....when i said tell her you want to be there anyway i meant as a friend...and yes you can stick by friends you havent met in person yet when their life is messy....thats part of a being a true friend....online or off.........you can be a calm influence in some ones life you have never met...it is really possible....op asked if there was a chance later on to start something and i said yes to that too...theres always a chance......theres always possibility.....thats only limited to what we believe the limits to be.....until proven otherwise....

i stand by what i wrote....in my first post..and in this one...it is my personal opinion...i respect yours.......deb.....

Last edited by todreaminblue; 12th June 2016 at 11:55 PM..
todreaminblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th June 2016, 5:13 AM   #13
Established Member
 
joseb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 3,099
Quote:
Originally Posted by frus69 View Post
You stick with someone whose life is a mess when you are already in an established relationship with that person.
Not with an internet stranger who you never even met!
This. You haven't even met her. Right now there is nothing.

Go find someone in real life, there are millions of them out there!
joseb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th June 2016, 5:26 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 6,756
Drop this one like hot coal.

Move on.
Toodaloo is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
MESSY situation with MESSY ex-bf! Thoughts needed.....! ohno89 Coping 14 14th September 2010 11:48 AM
The messy messy stuff - how to clean it all up and move on? Zanaar Breaks and Breaking Up 11 21st January 2010 10:34 PM
Messy Car = Messy House? johan Dating 32 10th August 2008 8:10 AM
From depression and messy life TO a joyful life lonelybird Dating 0 22nd January 2007 2:01 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:12 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.