Bummed out...

[johan]

Had a fight last night.

 

Seems like whenever we talk about her getting a better job (which she REALLY needs), the solutions she comes up with always involve things I can do. She hates looking for work, she never looks. She hates how tedious it is and all the rejection. "Hates it" is a mild way of putting it. She can't bring herself to think positive at all about it. She admires my career and is pretty locked onto the idea that people generally get their jobs through people they know. It makes me wish I was a garbage man or something.

 

We were having a GREAT night, and then the topic of job searches came up. She starts coming up with things I can do. She's sort of joking, but not really. I don't want to be responsible for her that way. I'd love to help, and I do help. I've proofed her resumes, I've given her advice, we've strategized, I've given her a positive reference for two positions at my office, and secretly submitted her resume to another group that I thought she could be a good fit for. I try. Sometimes I don't like all the questions and obsessing over the "perfect" resume and I get grouchy. Every freaking cover letter involves me. Every version of her resume. Every job website. English isn't her first language and she has very little confidence.

 

I just don't like the little guilt trips and the insinuation that I'm not doing enough. Joking or not. When she doesn't do anything at all, avoids it at all costs, makes excuses and talks about what a waste of time it all is. I know it's hard, but I can't do it for her. And our entire future is held hostage while she "gets it together".

 

I sort of over-reacted and we were off to the races. We went from a great night fantasizing about our future together to her saying "maybe we should take a break". She's never said anything like that before. But she felt really alone and disrespected. That's a hell of a hole for me to dig out of.

[curiousnycgirl]

I agree, you can't do it for her! Sounds like this is a huge warning sign. What else does/will she expect someone else to do for her?

 

Our careers are what we make of them - no one can simply hand it to us. Even when daddy owns the company, we need to work very hard to gain respect and keep things going.

 

I would seriously think about what else she would avoid doing for herself, etc. should you truly solidify a future together.

 

Until she figures out that as a grown woman she needs to take responsibility, I would be very wary.

 

I hope it all works out for you guys!!!

[johan]

Thanks. You're right. I love her, but I agree with you.

[moimeme]

Point her at some temp agencies. They can be great to open doors when you're first starting out. I ended up with two very well-paid and fascinating jobs by going through temp agencies and I got my current job the same way. A lot of companies hire from temp agencies as a way to 'test drive' people they might want to hire permanently.