Otter2569 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Ive been seeing a woman (53) for several weeks. We have a lot of fun, get together 2-3 times a week, talk on the phone, text and have planned a weekend away together (her idea). Her kids are off to college. I still have kids at home so she is more free than I am. Problem is we have not had sex or any real sexual contact since our first date. She had surgery just prior to meeting and said it will be a few weeks before she can be with someone. No problem. She still has some complications and I have been completely understanding. Its been six weeks, maybe longer. I feel myself slipping into the friend zone and honestly do not care if we go out again or not. I have zero expectations when we go out, even though she says she wants sex and cant wait to be together. Its starting to feel like I'm going out with a female friend and I'm perfectly fine when our plans don't line up. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Sounds like you're happy to be entering the friend zone, or did I read that wrong? I would suggest you back off, stop being so accommodating (yes, I know how hard it can be to turn your back on someone, as you feel if you do, then they'll go forever). I've made that mistake of being always there for someone, basically I put myself in the friend zone by being a friend. Sometimes you have to take a risk and make a move, tell them what you want, be a bit more dominant. Once again though, not easy as you worry you may push them away or scare them off. Truth is, if they walk, the walk. They never were that into you if that's the case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 Smudge, I am feeling indifferent. When we are together I can see us being a couple. She initiates most calls and asks me out as much or more than I ask her. Shes introduced me to a bunch of her friends and has taken me to parties BUT the lack of intimacy makes it feel like we are friends and I'm starting to lose interest. Sex is not everything but its important. I got more action on our first date (right after her surgery) and almost nothing since. Not much passion and that's something I really enjoy. I'm trying to be understanding...just losing interest. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 just losing interest. If you're losing interest after just 6 weeks then this will not last long anyway. I would bail. Cut your losses and find someone with whom you will not lose interest. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 If you're losing interest after just 6 weeks then this will not last long anyway. I would bail. Cut your losses and find someone with whom you will not lose interest. I agree. I wouldn't necessarily call it "losses" () but if you're not into her, move on. If she's been the one initiating contact most of the time anyway, she probably already knows that you're not particularly interested. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Maybe try taking some time away, few weeks or so. Currently it just comes across that you're both maybe running at each others pace and neither willing or wanting to change it. You may find that although this never becomes a relationship, you may still become friends. Sometimes we meet people who seem perfect for us, but it just doesn't work out. As others have said though, if you feel you are wanting more then do what's best for you rather than concerning yourself with her feelings. You're both adults, so are quiet capable of deciding if you both really want to be together or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Why do you think she planned a weekend away with you? She said she needs to heal. She did not say she has stopped sex for life. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Ive been seeing a woman (53) for several weeks.. Is she menopausal? If she is pre menopausal she can have wild mood swings and want to ravage you in bed one day and then cut you up in your sleep with a chainsaw the next. If she is post menopausal and not on any kind of hormone therapy she may simply not have any libido and will never have the same kind of horny, passionate response that younger women have. some menopausal women may want to feel some pleasurable touch and cuddles now and then and might even want to have an orgasm occasionally, but they are never actually horny or have any actual sex drive or actual desire to have hot, sweaty, passionate sex. If she is post menopausal and you are wanting to have the breathless, sweating, gasping, hot porn sex of women in their sexual prime, you may simply be barking up the wrong tree here. It's not that she doesn't like you or that she doesn't want to have some kind of interpersonal relationship with you. It's that her body will no longer allow her to become sexually turbo charged like in her fertile days. Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Do you feel your slipping into her friendzone or she's slipping into yours? I'd say the latter is true here. 6 weeks really isn't that long. Especially considering she's healing. It's a little odd the most sexual it's been is on the first date but she may not want to lead you on knowing it can't go very far but you also mentioned some complications that may have had something to do with it. Either way, what's the point? You've lost attraction. You aren't bothered about seeing her. Just end it. She appears to like you. She initiates meeting up and getting to know each other, a weekend away and eventually being able to have sex. You aren't bothered. Find someone you feel more for. That hot sex lust and the deeper connection. Life and circumstances get in the way and mean you might have to hold out a lot longer than 6 weeks. She obviously isn't the one you'd be willing to wait for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 I think I understand from other posts of yours that you are not interested in having a relationship with this (or any ) woman. But everything you describe sounds like people in a relationship except the no sex part. Why are you dating her if you are not interested in a relationship AND aren't having sex with her? Sounds like a friendship?? That's what I'm getting anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 There's a reason I told you to give dating a rest Otter - I think your ex is still inside your head, which explains both your indifference to this woman (which is actually kinda unfair to her) and your sexual reaction. (Would I be mistaken to assume some of these sexless evenings ended up w/a 'memory lane' solo session for you at home featuring the ex?) It may sound funny but it's really not sth to be trifled with. Just be a monk for a couple months ffs. You can handle it and it'll help to clear your head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 I do not want a relationship. Dating and going out now and then is perfect. I know I am not 100% recovered from the ExGF so I am going at my own pace. I do spend a lot of nights home (by choice) and have turned down several dates and blatant offers for a good time (from other women). Going out with this woman is fun because there are not a lot of expectations or pressure. She also has a lot s single friends where as most of my friends are married. My thought is that she is at a different place in life so maybe that's part of the adjustment as well. Frankly I'm also used to women that are more assertive. I should probably be thankful there isn't pressure to move things along faster. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Hey, this happens to women all the time. You get used to being just friends and you share things different than if it was a love interest or maybe you just get to know them and realize they're nice but not exciting to you. Unless you think sex will make you rally, then I think I'd tell her you're starting to feel more platonic with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 Pre, I am completely fine being friends. Its cool that thing are low key but its just so low key from what I am used to that it feels lacking...I don't know. I'm going dial down any expectations and just go with the flow. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Do you want a FWB? Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Pre, I am completely fine being friends. Its cool that thing are low key but its just so low key from what I am used to that it feels lacking...I don't know. I'm going dial down any expectations and just go with the flow. Good idea. Bit double dutch on yourself though. A. I'm completely fine being friends - Don't want something! B. So low key from what I'm used to that if feels lacking. - Want something! Really you need to decide A. or B. Take a step back or express your concerns and tell her. Either way you need to make a decision i'd say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 Love, I caught myself there too. On one hand shes fun, out going and not pressuring me for sex or to go out with her all the time. Which is the case with many women I encounter. Just getting out of a break up its really what I need: fun, casual and not in your face. On the other its so casual and laid back I dont know what to make of it. I expect things to escalate...and a little something would be nice. At a minimum we will be friends so either way I'm a winner. Link to post Share on other sites
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