swank Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 We are together almost 3 months. Today we went to movies and i got her present for Valentines. She just sad: "Oh thank you,you didn't have to" and didn't get me anything or said she was sorry os something like that. .. We had awesome 4 hours together and I acted like nothing happened... but I'm dissapointed- just a chocholate would be great or if she sais that she is sorry.. Is that normal or what? Should I tell her something or ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Maybe she thinks like me: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/569171-valentine-s-day-bunch-malarkey 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DatingDirection Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Yeah, she could have gotten you something, or even a homemade card. Maybe she'll give you something tomorrow. It's not that big of a deal. She spent time with you, and had fun with you, she obviously likes you. Or maybe she is just a taker who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swank Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 Maybe she thinks like me: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/569171-valentine-s-day-bunch-malarkey Well that is fine,but she should expect at least a rose and if she gave me 2$ chocolate it is grat just to show she cares/respects me... or she could show she is embarresed that I gave her something and she didn't and say sorry.. or even say why did you buy something you know I don't like Valentines... I stand by that it is not ok,because chocolate is not expensive and you prove a point Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 As I said to my daughter when Valentines was just around the corner, have a conversation prior to the event and talk about it. If you have expectations, better to make them known. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisisIt606 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 How old is she? Is this her first relationship? Maybe she's of the mindset that " girls don't buy boys bday gifts" which I personally think is ridiculous. If someone isn't into Vday, I think that should be discussed before. You can mention that you enjoyed spending time with her but you are a bit diasapponted you didn't exchange gifts. Make sure to tell her the real reason you were diasapponted so she doesn't think it's just about lack of a material item on a commercial holiday. Tell her it made you feel like she didn't care, appreciated, respect, you ( whatever it is) Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 We are together almost 3 months. Today we went to movies and i got her present for Valentines. She just sad: "Oh thank you,you didn't have to" and didn't get me anything or said she was sorry os something like that. .. We had awesome 4 hours together and I acted like nothing happened... but I'm dissapointed- just a chocholate would be great or if she sais that she is sorry.. Is that normal or what? Should I tell her something or ? You remind me of myself when I was 17/18 and didn't get it at all. I'm guessing that you are very young and inexperienced. I had a big row with my first serious girlfriend because she didn't compliment me enough. I thought 'I'm always giving her compliments; why isn't she always telling me how great I am?". Dear oh dear... Just listen to yourself: you are upset that a woman didn't buy you chocolates on Valentines Day. What's wrong with this picture? My advice is to man up. Do not make a big deal about this with your girlfriend. She will think you're being a big baby. She will not find this attractive at all: I'm not sure any woman would. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 It does sting that it feels a little like she didn't care. Before holidays it is better to discuss expectations. Do share with her that you are hurt. It's OK to be vulnerable. Talk about what she was thinking / feeling 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author swank Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 I'm 24 and she is 23. I have had relationships before,so as she. I am not offended but a little bit disappointed because she just took it and said "Oh you shouldn't" and was not like "Oooh I didn't get you anything" or that you can see she feels bad.. that was weird. But again- evening was great,everything fine.. situation like before Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I'm 24 and she is 23. I have had relationships before,so as she. I am not offended but a little bit disappointed because she just took it and said "Oh you shouldn't" and was not like "Oooh I didn't get you anything" or that you can see she feels bad.. that was weird. But again- evening was great,everything fine.. situation like before you're obviously disappointed. Talk. Share. You will learn a lot from her reaction - because there are women who just expect men to do all the efforts. They expect to be wined and dined. They expect to input a minimum of effort in the RS other than being there and having a good time. Is this the sort of gf you want for yourself, who thinks that the world owes her flowers and chocolate, only because she's wearing a skirt? Learn as much as you can about your partner. This is a great opportunity. Watch her reaction very attentively and form an opinion afterwards. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I'm in my 50's and I have never once bought anything for any man for Valentine's day in my life. I guess I'm old fashioned, flowers and chocolates are for girls. But I can be open minded... so in today's dating world among young people, boys get Valentine's day gifts, too? But everything is pink and flowery! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I'm 24 and she is 23. I have had relationships before,so as she. I am not offended but a little bit disappointed because she just took it and said "Oh you shouldn't" and was not like "Oooh I didn't get you anything" or that you can see she feels bad.. that was weird. But again- evening was great,everything fine.. situation like before You miscalculated by buying her a gift. You've only just started seeing each other: a night out and your company would have been sufficient. Sh*t happens. It's no big deal: the worst thing that you can do now is to make it one. Just keep going out and having fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I'm in my 50's and I have never once bought anything for any man for Valentine's day in my life. I guess I'm old fashioned, flowers and chocolates are for girls. But I can be open minded... so in today's dating world among young people, boys get Valentine's day gifts, too? But everything is pink and flowery! yeah, I mean, i understand, some women are more traditional and simply won't think about buying a dude a gift for St V. Fair enough... but saying "thank you" and looking really pleased and appreciative of his attention costs nothing and doesn't come in pink and fluffy conditioning... Either way, talking will shed light if we're talking of a more traditional mind set or just... complacency. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 You miscalculated by buying her a gift. You've only just started seeing each other: a night out and your company would have been sufficient. Sh*t happens. It's no big deal: the worst thing that you can do now is to make it one. Just keep going out and having fun. I disagree with this approach. It's like you're implying that the OP is always supposed to invest a minimum in his RS. I think it's sad to live life that way. I'm all for celebrating wholeheartedly if there is something to celebrate, being happy, if there's something to be happy about and sad, if sh*t happens. Together. What's the point of being with someone if you can't be yourself and live life fully, if you keep having to be guarded? If they had been dating for a couple of weeks, yeah ok, fair enough, but still, I think a tiny little chocolate would still have been welcomed . 3 months is significant. I have had only 2 RS in the last 5 years that lasted over 3 months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 It could be the case that she didn't want to come on too strong. Maybe because nothing had been discussed she didn't think you'd expect a gift and she was uncertain and confused herself. You should ask her, without putting words into her mouth, what she thinks about it and try and gauge her view on Valentines Day in general. Also I don't think '5 Languages of Love' is totally baloney. Perhaps she doesn't put much value in receiving gifts so she didn't think of it as something you'd expect. It's also possible that she's caught up in traditional roles - maybe she sees it more as a done thing that the man will take the lead and she will make sure she is good company. Not all women who think this way are entitled - it's just a different viewpoint and one embraced by a lot of media we consume. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soleilesquire Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I can understand your feeling. I've never understood this idea that Valentine's Day is only for the woman. I ALWAYS did something for my SO. I mean, if it;s supposed to be some celebration of love, then it goes both ways. If this whole "only women get Valentine's" idea is widespread then I guess I can finally understand why some men are so bitter about the holiday. I wouldn't make a huge deal, but I'd definitely talk to her about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swank Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 I can understand your feeling. I've never understood this idea that Valentine's Day is only for the woman. I ALWAYS did something for my SO. I mean, if it;s supposed to be some celebration of love, then it goes both ways. If this whole "only women get Valentine's" idea is widespread then I guess I can finally understand why some men are so bitter about the holiday. I wouldn't make a huge deal, but I'd definitely talk to her about it. well since as I said everything is fine she I thinh just doesn't care about it. I think I wouldn't mention it- to stay centered and strong,but I will cool a bit to give her a chance to invest more in relationship Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 You remind me of myself when I was 17/18 and didn't get it at all. I'm guessing that you are very young and inexperienced. I had a big row with my first serious girlfriend because she didn't compliment me enough. I thought 'I'm always giving her compliments; why isn't she always telling me how great I am?". Dear oh dear... Ahhh. This explains a LOT about your continuous rants to everyone about "being a man." You actually have the need for outside validation from women, but fight tooth and nail to suppress and cover it up. You hit the gym hardcore to make sure you're noticed and validated by women (me too). What you shouldn't be doing is coming on here shouting at every guy to "man up" by covering up his actual feelings with a false pseudo macho bravado. The op has a right to have feelings and addresss them on this forum. That's what this forum is about. He'll come out a lot healthier in the long run than using your approach of pretending not to need outside validation when clearly, you do. OP; This is the best thing that could ever happen. Now you don't have to get her anything for Valentines day. You can breeze right by it next year. A girl who doesn't care about things like valentines day is the best type of girl, imo. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 well since as I said everything is fine she I thinh just doesn't care about it. I think I wouldn't mention it- to stay centered and strong,but I will cool a bit to give her a chance to invest more in relationship it's the safe, manly approach. I agree that behavior speaks loud. I also think that opening your mouth won't kill ya, to express if something irks you, rather than assume she's not invested in the RS . Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I disagree with this approach. My approach is about having a good time. We have women worrying about exclusivity on the first date. We have men upset that women aren't giving them chocolates. People screw up a good thing over this stuff. It's like you're implying that the OP is always supposed to invest a minimum in his RS. I'm not implying anything. I'm overtly telling him that he needs to man up. I'm giving him the sort of advice a good mate would down the pub: tough love. I'm all for celebrating wholeheartedly if there is something to celebrate, being happy, if there's something to be happy about and sad, if sh*t happens. Together. Who said anything about not celebrating? I love a good celebration. This is about buying gifts. This is a minefield for a man. Generally, I would advise no gifts until the relationship is becoming serious. And even then, the big three are the important ones: Birthday, Christmas, Anniversary - not Valentines Day. At three months, his gift should have been a good night out and his company. He's met a woman that doesn't make a big deal of V-day. By getting in a strop about it, he'll be destroying the man/woman vibe. As long as everything else is good (he says it is, and i'm not picking up that she's a brat), he should just go out with her and enjoy life. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 yeah, I mean, i understand, some women are more traditional and simply won't think about buying a dude a gift for St V. Fair enough... but saying "thank you" and looking really pleased and appreciative of his attention costs nothing and doesn't come in pink and fluffy conditioning... Either way, talking will shed light if we're talking of a more traditional mind set or just... complacency. I thought she did thank him and said something like "you shouldn't have." I can't tell from the information if she was unappreciative and anti-Vday. Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Ahhh. This explains a LOT about your continuous rants to everyone about "being a man." You actually have the need for outside validation from women, but fight tooth and nail to suppress and cover it up. No, I didn't need my first girlfriends compliments; I expected them. I thought that's what people in love were supposed to do. So, when she wouldn't tell me how great I am, I thought something was amiss or wrong with her - that she wasn't pulling her weight. So, I gave her a telling off, and she changed for about two weeks. Then things went back to the way they were. I eventually dumped her, which was one of many silly mistakes I've made and learnt from. She was a really cool person, and I was being an idiot. I expected complete equality and reciprocity I was yet to accept that men and women are completely different creatures. I was trying feminist theories on for size. Like I said, I was 17/18 years old and didn't have a clue about women or life in general. You're not judging me; you're judging a shadow of my former self. You hit the gym hardcore to make sure you're noticed and validated by women (me too). You keep going on at me about the gym, as if it's my whole existence. I hit the gym to make sure that I'm not a slob - no more than that. It helps give me discipline. I care about what I think of myself, not what others think. If having abs went out of fashion tomorrow, I'd still increase my reps. Instead of you insisting on following me about the forum, hijacking threads, i'll deal with this directly in our original discussion - when I have a moment to give a thoughtful response. Lest our testosterone destroy the place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
shyguy3543 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 It's hard to tell when it's your first valentine's day together. If she just doesn't normally buy things for whoever she's dating on valentine's day, that's just her and there's nothing wrong with that. For comparison, my first relationship (which lasted almost 8 years) was with a girl who expected gifts and gave me gifts on valentine's (really nice gifts!). I knew it wasn't working anymore when the relationship was getting rocky and valentine's rolled around and I had given her a nice necklace and she gave me a box of Entenmann's cookies and didn't even give me a card like she had every year before that. We broke it off about two weeks later. Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Well that is fine,but she should expect at least a rose and if she gave me 2$ chocolate it is grat just to show she cares/respects me... or she could show she is embarresed that I gave her something and she didn't and say sorry.. or even say why did you buy something you know I don't like Valentines... I stand by that it is not ok,because chocolate is not expensive and you prove a point So if she handed you one Lindt ball your life would be complete? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Any dude crying about not getting a valentine is probably the same dudes that could sit through the movie Twilight! sparkle much 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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