Taking it Slow???

[fenderjazz92]

Hello,

 

First post on Loveshack, so any help is appreciated. Just recently met a great girl and have been on about 4 dates within the past month. I am moving far away for a job in 6 months, but really dig this girl. Here is the story...

 

She comes from a rough past with guys, as well as strict parents, so while I have tried to initiate intimacy, she does not agree. She wants to build a connection with me, and trust me before any sex. We have hooked up and gotten quite physically intimate, just no sex.

 

We mutually expressed our feelings for each other, and she wants to take things slow. At first, since I am leaving soon, I didn't want to commit myself to that. I told her that I want to be intimate. She understood, but out of respect for herself, she wanted to take time to really get to know me before having sex etc.

 

She is a great person, and I don't want to stop talking to her. I've been doing some thinking, and here is what I am proposing on saying to her....

 

 

 

"Hey,

 

Yesterday, I kinda felt put on the spot a little bit, and I wasn't thinking clearly. After taking some time to think it over this is how I feel.

 

I felt contradicting and selfish saying what I said yesterday, so I apologize.

 

I enjoy spending time with you, and I'd hate to see a good relationship fade just because I was coming off as being pushy.

 

For me, I truly feel that one of the best things we have in life are the relationships with others. I like what you said about living in the present, not thinking too much in the future, and enjoying those around us. You never know what will happen in life, so I think it's a great approach.

 

I am willing slow things down. I see it as an opportunity to get to know you better, build trust, and not rush into anything unnatural. Hopefully you feel the same way.

 

That being said, I will give you space. If you want to see me again, just let me know and we can get together."

 

 

 

I am putting the ball in her court, while continuing to do my own thing. I feel that if she is truly interested, she will continue to talk to me. Just wanted to get your opinion on the subject, and make sure I am not sounding needy.

 

Any help is appreciated, thank you!

Edited February 12, 2016 by fenderjazz92

[d0nnivain]

Don't say all that

 

 

When are you leaving for 6 months? If it's soon I can't see this woman agreeing to have sex with you before you go. She doesn't trust you enough yet.

 

 

Leave things as they are. Stay in touch while you are gone. See how she feels when you get back.

 

 

I'm not saying you have to be celibate while away. I am saying that she's a person who needs to have someone earn her trust & you don't have that kind of time before you leave.

[fenderjazz92]

@d0nnivain

 

 

I am moving in July for work. I think I gave her the idea that if theres no sex, there no us, and I don't want to stop talking just because I am being pushy with sex.

 

I am moving to San Francisco for an open-ended period of time, meaning I have no idea when I'll be back.

 

She told me she would continue seeing me and that she likes me. She just wants me to respect her decision to get to know her better before any sex.

 

Let me know your thoughts, and thank you for the response.

[Versacehottie]

I don't mind what you are going to say. Sounds good and honest enough to me. Good luck

[d0nnivain]

July is a long way away but she might not want an LDR even for a a short time. Talk to her. That speech as a whole is a bit much but the ideas are fine & should be discussed. You aren't considering texting that to her or memorizing are you? that's where I'm really saying no.

[smackie9]

if an opportunity arises that you meet someone else go for it. At this time there really isn't anything to be invested in with this girl.

[fenderjazz92]

@d0nnivain

 

No I wouldn't be reciting that, it's just an idea of what I will say. I don't plan on a LDR once I leave, but we both dig eachother, so I feel that we might as well enjoy the time we do have left together.

 

One thing about moving across the country is that I am appreciating the relationships I have whether they are intimate, family, or just friendly. Just trying to make the best of them before I go away for a while.

 

 

Thanks.

[Versacehottie]

@d0nnivain

 

No I wouldn't be reciting that, it's just an idea of what I will say. I don't plan on a LDR once I leave, but we both dig eachother, so I feel that we might as well enjoy the time we do have left together.

 

One thing about moving across the country is that I am appreciating the relationships I have whether they are intimate, family, or just friendly. Just trying to make the best of them before I go away for a while.

 

 

Thanks.

 

Yeah well make sure you tell her this part too if you are going to be "honest" with her. Otherwise what you are planning on saying is out of the complete context. What you have initially planned on saying is vague enough that it implies interest but see where things go vibe. It seems like deep down you have also decided the end point--best tell her that so she can decide how to move forward under the complete and honest context.

[d0nnivain]

@d0nnivain

 

No I wouldn't be reciting that, it's just an idea of what I will say. I don't plan on a LDR once I leave, but we both dig eachother, so I feel that we might as well enjoy the time we do have left together. .

 

You are not compatible.

 

Let me translate her mindset: she doesn't want to have sex with a guy who is going to leave her.

[spiderowl]

I like the message you have composed. I think it shows you do genuinely like her.

 

In her shoes, I would be reluctant to get sexually involved with a guy who was going to disappear off long distance with no end to that absence in sight. If she really likes you, she may not want to get further involved for fear of getting hurt. Given what you've said, the chances of her getting hurt are pretty high.

 

What would your plans be if you and she did become intimate and you became even more interested in her? Could you see a future with this girl or do you see this as just spending some fun time together while you can?