He is distant after making out!?

[etherealbliss]

I've been seeing this guy for almost a month now. During this time we've gone out 3 times each week. Last night I was at his place for the second time. I feel like we've had a great connection so far. We haven't had sex and we both want to wait for that but last night at his place for several hours we were inseparable. We were basically making out the whole time and couldn't stop kissing. He initiated a lot of it too and was verbally and physically very affectionate. It got quite intense but we kept our cloths on! (sorry about the TMI).

Anyway, after I got home I told him I was still high on his kisses and couldn't stop thinking about him. We chatted a bit and then slept.

 

Today I felt like he was more distant. He hasn't initiated contact much and he is not as affectionate in his messages. There is definitely a drop in contact and I feel a bit of panic rise in me. Now my question is, is it normal for guys to pull away after an intense evening like that? Or did I do something wrong? Should I have not encouraged the physical stuff as much? Does he think i'm only interested in him physically? Or that I have poor boundaries? I mean we kept our cloths on and the attraction and passion was definitely mutual? Should I leave him be? Am I questioning this for no reason? help!

 

I realllllllly like this guy and want it to work out!

 

Thanks

Edited February 9, 2016 by etherealbliss

[hippychick3]

Yes, it is definitely normal for guys to pull back after an intense intimate time together. It's a biological need to regain their autonomy. Just relax, sit back, and wait for him to come back to you. The worst thing you can do now is to appear needy, clingy or insecure.

 

Go about your life and stay busy. If he likes you enough, he will resume normal contact with you in the next few days. If not, you should keep your life so active and busy that it won't affect you too much if he doesn't.

[PogoStick]

For clarity, he doesn't "want to wait" for sex. He wants sex now but is trying to not scare you away.

 

Regarding communication, you're worried for no reason.

[etherealbliss]

For clarity, he doesn't "want to wait" for sex. He wants sex now but is trying to not scare you away.

 

Regarding communication, you're worried for no reason.

 

Believe it or not there are people who want to wait!

[frus69]

I'm gonna say it's not normal to pull away. However maybe you are over thinking here and he isn't actually behaving much differently. Observe few more days.

Besides he won't think you have no boundaries, nor would he think you are only after him physically. Don't worry guys don't operate like us women.

[etherealbliss]

So here I am for round two of this.. yesterday we had a great valentine's day.. we spent most of the day together.. In the evening after dinner he asked me to go over to his place. Once again things got quite hot and steamy and I would say it was quite a passionate few hours. (TMI: We didn't have sex because I didn't let it go that far although he was interested. I want to wait until we are in a fully committed relationship with deeper feelings) He also told me last night we should take it to the next level where we see each other more. We see each other about 3 times a week now.

 

Anyway, this morning I sent him a message and he replied very quickly and the brief conversation we had was quite sweet. He also told me he understands if I don't want to go all the way yet and that is not the reason he is in this relationship. I mean he called it a relationship so that's a good sign, right?

 

However, since then he's been quiet and distant. He went out with his friends around noon and hasn't mentioned where and with who and hasn't sent me any messages. Normally he sends a quick message every couple of hours at least. Again my mind is working overtime wondering if I did or say something wrong. I wonder if he is upset I didn't let things go all the way last night! I mean he said it's cool but do guys usually mean it when they say that? Should I just give it some time and see what happens? Is it bad if I ask what he's up to with his friends or initiate contact again?

[Buddhist]

There is definitely a drop in contact and I feel a bit of panic rise in me. Now my question is, is it normal for guys to pull away after an intense evening like that? Or did I do something wrong? Should I have not encouraged the physical stuff as much? Does he think i'm only interested in him physically? Or that I have poor boundaries? I mean we kept our cloths on and the attraction and passion was definitely mutual? Should I leave him be? Am I questioning this for no reason? help!

 

I realllllllly like this guy and want it to work out!

 

Thanks

 

Honey, if something is making you this neurotic it's a good sign to just leave it alone. Seriously if a guy can't handle making out with you without having to pull away and go find himself he's a real mess. A bit off topic but young people are a real mess these days. So much judging, avoiding intimacy, avoiding communicating etc. It's hardly worth it.

 

If I were you I'd just leave him alone, let him reach out next time. You shouldn't have to turn yourself inside out, play out some strategy perfectly etc to get a guy to commit to you. If you do, then he's not worth having. Trust me on that one.

[basil67]

I'm wondering if you've ever had a relationship before. Thing is, it's completely normal for the texting to ease off a bit as the relationship develops. Such frequent contact during the day just isn't sustainable when you have jobs and other stuff to get done.

[etherealbliss]

I'm wondering if you've ever had a relationship before. Thing is, it's completely normal for the texting to ease off a bit as the relationship develops. Such frequent contact during the day just isn't sustainable when you have jobs and other stuff to get done.

 

Oh yes I've been in relationships before, i'm not young or immature either! However, he is a bit different than the guys I've dated before. I am probably over-thinking everything and really really liking this guy probably isn't a good excuse either! I guess I have some insecurities due to factors that I explain in another thread. For example the fact that he has a lot of female friends or that he doesn't seem too keen to introduce me to any friends. I feel like if we were in a more committed and long term relationship some of my unease would have disappeared?

[katiegrl]

I'm wondering if you've ever had a relationship before. Thing is, it's completely normal for the texting to ease off a bit as the relationship develops. Such frequent contact during the day just isn't sustainable when you have jobs and other stuff to get done.

 

Agree ....they had a beautiful day yesterday, and they had a very sweet text exchange this morning!

 

OP, I'm sorry I don'get what your issue is.

 

You want and expect him to text you every two hours? Seriously?

 

Me thinks you need to chill a bit (okay a lot!), that type of neediness will drive him (and any man) away for sure.

 

Focus on the positive, you had a great day yesterday, he texted you this morning... it's all good!!!

 

Call some friends, go out to eat... live your life! Your relationship will be a lot more fun and stress free if you do that.

[SwordofFlame]

I wonder if he is upset I didn't let things go all the way last night! I mean he said it's cool but do guys usually mean it when they say that? Should I just give it some time and see what happens? Is it bad if I ask what he's up to with his friends or initiate contact again?

 

It doesn't matter what he says. Just pay attention to his actions or lack thereof.

[etherealbliss]

Agree ....they had a beautiful day yesterday, and they had a very sweet text exchange this morning!

 

OP, I'm sorry I don'get what your issue is.

 

You want and expect him to text you every two hours? Seriously?

 

Me thinks you need to chill a bit (okay a lot!), that type of neediness will drive him (and any man) away for sure.

 

Focus on the positive, you had a great day yesterday, he texted you this morning... it's all good!!!

 

Call some friends, go out to eat... live your life! Your relationship will be a lot more fun and stress free if you do that.

 

Thanks, you're right i'm over-thinking this too much probably! I don't expect anything but when I see change in patterns in makes me nervous for some reason.

[etherealbliss]

It doesn't matter what he says. Just pay attention to his actions or lack thereof.

 

True! I'll see how things play out in the next little while.. He always tells me he lets his actions speak rather than words anyways..

[katiegrl]

So here I am for round two of this.. yesterday we had a great valentine's day.. we spent most of the day together.. In the evening after dinner he asked me to go over to his place. Once again things got quite hot and steamy and I would say it was quite a passionate few hours. (TMI: We didn't have sex because I didn't let it go that far although he was interested. I want to wait until we are in a fully committed relationship with deeper feelings) He also told me last night we should take it to the next level where we see each other more. We see each other about 3 times a week now.

 

Anyway, this morning I sent him a message and he replied very quickly and the brief conversation we had was quite sweet. He also told me he understands if I don't want to go all the way yet and that is not the reason he is in this relationship. I mean he called it a relationship so that's a good sign, right?

 

However, since then he's been quiet and distant. He went out with his friends around noon and hasn't mentioned where and with who and hasn't sent me any messages. Normally he sends a quick message every couple of hours at least. Again my mind is working overtime wondering if I did or say something wrong. I wonder if he is upset I didn't let things go all the way last night! I mean he said it's cool but do guys usually mean it when they say that? Should I just give it some time and see what happens?

 

 

 

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****Is it bad if I ask what he's up to with his friends or initiate contact again?

 

^^Yes that would be bad. You don't want to suffocate the guy, again you need to chill.

 

Let him miss you!

 

You need to do something to alleviate your anxieties or you are gonna blow this -- push him out.

 

Do you belong to a gym? Working out and running really help me! Increases endorphins. That and yoga. Very calming.

[katiegrl]

Thanks, you're right i'm over-thinking this too much probably! I don't expect anything but when I see change in patterns in makes me nervous for some reason.

 

Get over patterns.

 

Patterns are rigid, relationships/people should not be rigid.

 

Instead, be flexible, open to change. Change does not mean bad, it just means the relationship is evolving, which involves openness to change and growth.

 

Please, remain flexible allow your guy to breathe. This means letting go of rigid expectations and yes patterns.

 

Feelings are fluid in these early stages...one day he may seem all into you, and maybe the next day not so much. That's okay!!

 

If you expect him to feel and act the same 24/7...you will be very disappointed.