Is this too sneaky?

[Snotty]

I dated a woman for a few years, then things went south. She ended up dating someone for a couple months, i kept to myself. Recently, maybe a little after thanksgiving, she started texting me. So i felt we might be slowly moving towards getting back together. I invited her over for dinner. This was a couple weeks before thanksgiving. The morning of, she cancelled, said her mom needed her help, and she was going to spend the night there. She texted me this info. I replied with an ok.

The texting has only been, goodnight, and good morning. I have asked several times about getting together. We have gotten together 2 times since she initiated communication with me.

There is always an excuse. Daughter home, work, mom, etc, etc. i reply with "ok". The morning and goodnight text continue. I have faced timed her a couple times a couple weeks ago. She has never face timed or called me.

 

A couple times i have wanted to take a drive by her house on a friday or saturday to see if someone is there, but i never will do that.

 

I want to get an anonymous text app posing as someone who has been given her number to see if i can get her to initiate some type of meeting just to see what she does. Is this too sneaky?

[preraph]

Well, it's underhanded. You dated this woman for some years and yet you don't feel you can just talk to her and find out if she's interested? Doesn't sound to me like she is wanting to get back together. Sounds like she was just touching base and got you all stirred up and is probably regretting that now. You're not together, and it doesn't sound like she wants to be back together, so it's really not your business if she's seeing anyone.

[jen1447]

Is this too sneaky?

 

I think so. You're wanting to play detective when you should just ask her outright.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Umm yes it is.

 

She owes you nothing. You're not in a relationship so if she IS seeing someone else it's really none of your business.

 

If you want to rekindle your relationship then why not just have a talk with her about it already?

 

Please don't be that fool. If she ever got wind of it, any chance you might have had getting back together will go out the window.

[kendahke]

I dated a woman for a few years, then things went south. She ended up dating someone for a couple months, i kept to myself. Recently, maybe a little after thanksgiving, she started texting me. So i felt we might be slowly moving towards getting back together. I invited her over for dinner. This was a couple weeks before thanksgiving. The morning of, she cancelled, said her mom needed her help, and she was going to spend the night there. She texted me this info. I replied with an ok.

The texting has only been, goodnight, and good morning. I have asked several times about getting together. We have gotten together 2 times since she initiated communication with me.

There is always an excuse. Daughter home, work, mom, etc, etc. i reply with "ok". The morning and goodnight text continue. I have faced timed her a couple times a couple weeks ago. She has never face timed or called me.

 

A couple times i have wanted to take a drive by her house on a friday or saturday to see if someone is there, but i never will do that.

 

I want to get an anonymous text app posing as someone who has been given her number to see if i can get her to initiate some type of meeting just to see what she does. Is this too sneaky?

 

No. Don't do that. It's pointless and childish. Then you look deceitful on top of whatever went down a few years ago that's probably her motivation for moving so slowly with you.

 

Why not just vaporize? Block her and vaporize. She's not interested if she's not bothering to initiate conversations or agree to go out with you. Perhaps what went down a few years ago is the reason why she's wasting your time. Perhaps inviting her to your house for dinner was a bit too much too soon for her.

 

But quite frankly, why did she even bother to get back in contact with you if she doesn't want to go out with you? I know I wouldn't go along with a protracted texting adventure. Either fish or cut bait.

[Snotty]

I dont understand why she initiated contact either. She is always the one to text good morning and good night. If i don't respond, then i get a "hello"

Yet... Always some excuse why she cant come over, and never invites me to her house

 

I don't know if i am being strung along or what.

[Robratory]

I dated a woman for a few years, then things went south. She ended up dating someone for a couple months, i kept to myself. Recently, maybe a little after thanksgiving, she started texting me. So i felt we might be slowly moving towards getting back together. I invited her over for dinner. This was a couple weeks before thanksgiving. The morning of, she cancelled, said her mom needed her help, and she was going to spend the night there. She texted me this info. I replied with an ok.

The texting has only been, goodnight, and good morning. I have asked several times about getting together. We have gotten together 2 times since she initiated communication with me.

There is always an excuse. Daughter home, work, mom, etc, etc. i reply with "ok". The morning and goodnight text continue. I have faced timed her a couple times a couple weeks ago. She has never face timed or called me.

 

A couple times i have wanted to take a drive by her house on a friday or saturday to see if someone is there, but i never will do that.

 

I want to get an anonymous text app posing as someone who has been given her number to see if i can get her to initiate some type of meeting just to see what she does. Is this too sneaky?

 

Why don't you just talk to her?

 

When she started texting her again, why didn't you ask her what her motivations were?

 

With all her excuses, why haven't you asked her why she's always making excuses?

 

Communication is key. Being sneaky is just weird and makes you look foolish.

[kendahke]

I dont understand why she initiated contact either. She is always the one to text good morning and good night. If i don't respond, then i get a "hello"

Yet... Always some excuse why she cant come over, and never invites me to her house

 

I don't know if i am being strung along or what.

 

I'd let her keep saying "hello" until she called. Then I'd ask her out. If she put me off again, she'd go on block. She's just wasting your time.

[Methodical]

This cat and mouse game sounds pretty childish and silly. You dated for several years then things went south. She always has an excuse: daughter's at home, work, mom, etc.

 

Nobody knows her true motivation for initiating the good morning/good night texts. You've met twice since Thanksgiving...that's roughly twice in three months. My guess is that she's lonely, especially given that she immediately jumped into a relationship after the break up and that failed to work out.

 

After having been in a relationship for years, both of you should be able to have a mature conversation where the intended nature of the current contact is headed...platonic friends, possibly more.

 

Rather than addressing the pink elephant in the room, you're contemplating getting a text app and "trick" her. She's got tons of excuses to not meet up, yet tosses you breadcrumbs. When you don't immediately respond, she follows up with a "hello?" text. This is juvenile behavior on behalf of both parties. Pick up the phone and have a conversation or stop responding to breadcrumbs.

 

Surely both of you are capable of more than acting like awkward teenagers.

[AMJ]

Does an app like this even exist? Science just blows me away, every single day. I'd want to try it too. It doesn't mean you should. Obviously you shouldn't, but not because it's sneaky. Because it's beneath you. Or it should be beneath you. Don't let someone screw with you like this. I dunno why she's doing it, but just call her out, ask what she wants from you. Sometimes people just want attention, just to know that someone from their past still cares about them, or still wants them back.

 

I went on a date that went really well two weeks ago. This guy keeps texting me all the time, but when I suggest we hang out again, he's busy. I'm done with it! It's annoying!

[d0nnivain]

before the advent of technology the old drive by to see if anybody is home or if there is a new car in the driveway (signalling a new SO in the EX's life) was a common thing.

 

To me that is still better than lying, pretending to be somebody else & trying to get the person to commit to a stranger when they won't meet you.

 

I could forgive the drive by but not the lying.

[xcupid]

You're wasting your time with her no matter what you do. What you plan to do is dumb.

[PogoStick]

A couple times i have wanted to take a drive by her house on a friday or saturday to see if someone is there, but i never will do that.

 

I want to get an anonymous text app posing as someone who has been given her number to see if i can get her to initiate some type of meeting just to see what she does. Is this too sneaky?

 

Why the fk would you want to do that?