Getting frustrated; about ready to throw in the towel.

[nightshift]

I've been trying to win back a woman who I rebounded with 3 years ago. I started a fling/sexual relationship with a woman I work with who's 9 years older than me while going through a nasty break up. She developed strong feelings for me, but while I was sexually attracted to her I mostly just found her kind of annoying and ended up fading out on her. However, 3 years later, I suddenly found myself developing a weird crush on her out of nowhere. The crush became an infatuation that I couldn't ignore anymore. So, I messaged her on FB, testing the waters to see if she'd have any interest in rekindling things. But, she politely blew me off, telling me that she was still "struggling" with seeing her boyfriend that she's been with since she and I split up.

 

However, she soon began making excuses to put herself in my space at work, and then she told me that she needed to talk to me and asked if she could come to my house. I told her yes, and so a little over a week ago she came over to my house. She said she was freaking out about this, that she's too old for me, that you shouldn't date co-workers. But then she said that she was interested, but the problem is that she is still seeing this guy. She said that she's tried breaking up with him twice, once recently, but that he always manages to "suck her back in" and that she for some reason finds it difficult to stand up to him. I told her that I couldn't tell her what to do, but she made it clear that she wants out of the relationship with him, but that he was leaving for a vacation and didn't want to ruin his vacation. My living room is in need of painting and I need new couches, and so she made plans to go furniture shopping with me and help me paint my living room.

 

We went furniture shopping a couple of days later, and it was fine, but as we were driving back, I didn't like the vibe I was getting from her; it was more like a friendship vibe than what I was looking for. So I started to push the issue a bit, which maybe I shouldn't have. She said "anything's possible" but that she doesn't want to be rushed, wants to take things slowly and get to know me. I didn't tell her and just let the matter drop, but I got a little annoyed by this. We already know each other in the Biblical sense, and while I understand that the situation is different now, we went from "I'm interested and going to break up with my boyfriend" to "anything's possible" in 2 days. She said that just texting another guy while she's still with him is big for her, and that she thinks he knows something is up. A couple of days later, she asked me if I wanted to go to with her and her daughter to get something to eat, but I was unable to.

 

I texted her the other day, just basically a casual "what's up?" text, and she texted back that she has a long weekend ahead of her and that her boyfriend is back in town. My heart kind of sank when I realized that she was making it a point to tell me that she was busy. I just texted back "OK." She texted me back "I'm sorry, I really feel like I'm leaving you hanging." I told her it was all right, that I would just leave her alone for now to figure things out. She texted back "I do think about you a lot and want to get to know you better and help you paint." I told her that she needed to figure out whether she wanted to stay with her boyfriend or not, that if she did, I would just bow out with no hard feelings, but if not that we could get to know each other. I said that I was hopeful about rekindling things with her but that I wasn't going to make myself crazy. She thanked me for being nice about it and said she'd let me know what was up ASAP.

 

So, that's where it got left. Honestly, I don't think she's doing it on purpose, but I feel like she's just kind of keeping me in her back pocket right now. I kind of naively hoped that the same fire was still burning in her for me, but it doesn't really seem that way. I also feel like I was way too passive with her in our last exchange, and that I came off like kind of a doormat. I almost feel like I need to take control again and just tell her that things aren't going the way I'd hoped and that I am going to throw in the towel and move onto something else. But I really, really like this woman A LOT and feel like I'm still in the game with her, and don't want to do anything rash. Any thoughts on this situation would be greatly appreciated.