TLC87 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I found out a month ago that someone at work thought I was cute. I had never talked to her much other then hello or how's it going and I found it difficult to have the opportunity to ask her out. Thankfully, I met her online not long after and it was a good way to break the ice, she gave me her number and we set up a lunch date. It went well and nice to get to know each other one on one. I didn't get all nervous like before after seeing her around at work. We talk here and there in passing at work and sometimes go for smoke breaks together. I asked her about a week and a half ago if she was free that night but he had plans. I asked her if she was free this past week for lunch or on days off but she didn't really answer. Then on our break yesterday I asked her if she wanted to get together sometime Saturday? She said she would let me knw because she was also making plans with her friends for the weekend. I said no problem! I was texting her quite a bit but have since slowed down and stopped I get a feeling that she isn't interested. She doesn't text first ever but when we do text, it's back and forth. Shows she's interested if she text me sometimes first ya know? Looking for some advice. Do I text her to see if she is a go for Saturday, or wait to hear from her? What if I don't hear from her, she's not interested? Lol Should I totally pump the brakes altogether and stop messaging her? I have a feeling that when I heard she thought I was cute that I got too excited. Don't want things to be awkward at work, I don't want to smother her but I feel like I'm overthinking things! Link to post Share on other sites
sowhatwedonow Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Stop trying. You should message her to see whats up for satuday but after that she needs to be the one to show some initiative . there's only so much u can do. So after you msg her bout your date Saturday chill back n relax. Makes no sense tryna date someone who shows little interest. Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 In this day and age with the hypersensitivity around sexual harassment, tread very, very lightly. But from the repeated brush-offs, I'd say for sure sh'e not interested, so just drop it. Ask her too often and the lovely people in HR will want to have a little chat to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TLC87 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 Thank you both for the advice. There are others that flirt with the women there, so I had seen it as a competition up until recently. Yesterday I just had this feeling that I should not stand out so ncch, again I was pumped up because I was already attracted to her and then she told me tha she thought I was cute. I'm really debating even texting her about sarturday, and just letting it be? Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Thank you both for the advice. There are others that flirt with the women there, so I had seen it as a competition up until recently. Yesterday I just had this feeling that I should not stand out so ncch, again I was pumped up because I was already attracted to her and then she told me tha she thought I was cute. I'm really debating even texting her about sarturday, and just letting it be? No...just leave it...don't text her at all...she already knows you are keen, if she is interested she'll let you know, if not...forget it! Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 A lot of things are possible. It's possible you were pranked and she never said anything about you. It's possible she thought you were cute but has since decided you're not boyfriend material (for whatever reason that you can't know and can't change, so don't worry about it). And it's possible she was raring to go but has since started dating some other guy. The thing is, you have to move faster and more decisively. I don't see why you couldn't have approached her in real life first. Both of you smoke apparently, so you could have waited and watched for her to take a smoke break. You could have said something like, "I don't know if we're being pranked, but someone told me you said I was cute. Well, whether you did or not, I think you're cute too!" Then, depending on her reaction, you could have asked her out. Instead, from what I read, you sort of put out a buddy vibe. It doesn't sound like you've made clear your attraction to her nor made any romantic move. She may realize you're attracted to her, but now she can avoid the discomfort of rejecting you outright by being "busy." Coming across a little more plainly puts a little more pressure on her to clarify that no, she is not interested. And if you do it earlier, you find out earlier, and hey, we all get to go home early. Don't worry too much about it. I wasted years of my youth trying to befriend women and then turn them into girlfriends until I realized it doesn't work (yeah, it took more than once). You might fear that if you come across stronger, that you'll spook them, but no. If the girl likes you, you have to do something pretty dumb to change that. On the other hand, if the girl doesn't like you, being the best friend in the world to her won't change that. For this one, I'd assume she's not interested, and I'd remain cordial and friendly but not seek her out nor engage in more than chit chat with her -- you know, just like regular coworkers. Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I was already attracted to her and then she told me tha she thought I was cute. Oh, wait... she herself told you you were cute? The way you first said, I thought someone said that they heard her say you were cute. Man, it's looking more and more like the door opened, you didn't walk through it, and then the door closed. The perfect reply right then would have been something like that, "Oh, we have something in common. I think you're cute too. Verrrrrry cute! How about we get a bite to eat after work and hang out until they toss us out for being too cute?" Anyway, maybe you got scared. Hell, if I had a dollar for every time I was too scared, I'd have enough money to run for President, so don't kick yourself. But nobody's going to give you a dollar every time you get scared, so just take the jump. Sometimes you'll crash and burn, but when you don't, ah... it makes every crash and burn worth it. Here, check this out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bu2ht9c-FFU Link to post Share on other sites
Author TLC87 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 Hahaha thanks for your advice! Ya one of the girls asked her if she liked anyone here, and she described me, and when I was down there briefly and left she asked another coworker who was that and said I was cute! I heard about it later that night and it was a bit awkward for the both of us when I was there because they were calling me down and she was embarrassed cause everyone was making a deal about it! So meeting her online after wasn't so bad for us and then in turn going on a lunch date. I would like to date her know doubt, I've found that it's difficult to talk to her at work anyways cause she's usually busy, so we go for smokes here and there when we can! I stopped texting her almost a week ago because I wanted to see if she'd engage in texts but haven't heart anything, yet talking at work, and I don't want to smother her! On our way in from our smoke last night I asked her if she wanted to do something Saturday if your available and she said she would let me know because she doesn't see her friends often on weekends because of shift work, I said ya not a problem I do the same thing! Apart of me once to feel the chase a bit, cause it's just me I initiating and that why I stopped texting. We would still be friends and that's fine for sure, I'd like to date her but If it's not meant to be! Feel like I'm at a fork in the road. Feel like I am overthinking lots! I liked the video haha! Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 We all overthink, so chill on that front. Oh and we all miss opportunities too. I reckon she's backing off a bit because maybe you came across as a bit too keen. People like a bit of a challenge, a bit of mystery even - if you know what you're getting for Xmas why bother with the gift wrap! Back off a bit, be busy and enjoying life. Stay friendly and let her take the lead, if she wants to. Also think about what you say to her - is it always about her and her life, if so start mentioning more about yours too otherwise you come across as only existing for her. Finally, are you sure you want to just be friends? Be honest with yourself here. If you have developed a bit of a crush, could you hang around with her as a friend up until the point she tells you she's met someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TLC87 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 Very good points, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
babycrapgreen Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Thank you both for the advice. There are others that flirt with the women there, so I had seen it as a competition up until recently. Yesterday I just had this feeling that I should not stand out so ncch, again I was pumped up because I was already attracted to her and then she told me tha she thought I was cute. I'm really debating even texting her about sarturday, and just letting it be? Leave it be. I think this girl likes being rejected. Don't text her at all and see if she texts you this Saturday to determine if she was interested or not. But, x2 brush off is more than enough to leave it be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TLC87 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 I don't want to annoy her, good advice, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
bu2002 Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 My hunch is she was intrigued by you initially, agreed with the lunch get together to learn more about you. After the lunch, she probably saw you more as friend material, but nothing more than that. Her actions after the lunch indicate that. She doesn't mind texting with you and all that, but will stop up to the point of actually making plans with you. I'm thinking she doesn't know how to tell you she just wants to be friends and just wants you "get the message". I would move on, don't dwell on this, remain positive and hopefully you meet someone where the interest is clearly mutual. Link to post Share on other sites
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