Why do I feel sad and sick for him?

[natashalove]

So 4 months ago, I got in touch with a guy whom I forced myself to like.

I was extremely depressed and was going through a really horrible phase where I had no hope in my life. Until I discovered him.

 

After I came to know him, I did feel better and started getting distracted and focusing on him rather than thinking about rubbish things all the time.

He is a very creative and artistic person and coincidently both of us share the same hobbies and interests. Because of my depression and mental trauma, I had given up all of my hobbies but seeing him do all the art works and stuff inspired me and I started doing art once again.

I never cooked nor was interested in but he can cook and that motivated me and I started learning how to cook.

He inspires me to become better. He was the sole reason why I would smile when I never thought I would.

 

I would feel suicidal at times but if at any moment, I saw his face and silly antics, I would start smiling and laughing for no reason at all.

 

Unfortunately, he was only here for 6 months and he left for his he country, UK.

 

Today, I feel much better because of him. It he wasn't around I wouldn't feel normal again.

But I miss him acutely. Nothing lessens the heartache. Even if we talk, I still can't get over my sadness. I miss him like hell and every love song reminds me of him. Sometimes I wish I had discovered him earlier, wishing I met him earlier. Sometimes I even had crazy thoughts like I wish I had a time machine and could turn back time and meet him long before.

 

He influences me as a person. He saved me from causing disaster and he was the only person whom I could always bank upon. It was like I knew he can help me and I would rush to him the moment I felt extremely sick with worry and misery.

 

He was never my type. He is younger than me by a year and five months. And there are lots of things I wanted in a man but he fits nothing of the criteria I had. Except for the fact he's extremely handsome and has the most beautiful intense eyes.

But none of the "types" could do anything for me except him.

 

The problem is he lives in UK and jets between US and UK for work. I really want to stay close to him and near him.

 

Why do I feel this way? And what should I do? I can't bear this separation.

[casey.lives]

what you summed up is love...

[Empyrea]

I think you're clutching on to him to make you feel better. It's like developing an addiction to antidepressants, and he's the antidepressant. But really it's not fair to him. You should seek help and try to reach a place in life where you would be okay without him, it can weigh really heavy on him if he's the only thing in your life that makes you happy. You can practice art on your own, and your hobbies, etc. It doesn't mean you're not in love with him or that he wouldn't be a good match for you, but he shouldn't be your cure for depression. Treat yourself first, love yourself, then you will be able to love someone else.

[Survivor12]

Frankly, it sounds more like co-dependency than love to me.

 

How does he feel about you?

[natashalove]

I think you're clutching on to him to make you feel better. It's like developing an addiction to antidepressants, and he's the antidepressant. But really it's not fair to him. You should seek help and try to reach a place in life where you would be okay without him, it can weigh really heavy on him if he's the only thing in your life that makes you happy. You can practice art on your own, and your hobbies, etc. It doesn't mean you're not in love with him or that he wouldn't be a good match for you, but he shouldn't be your cure for depression. Treat yourself first, love yourself, then you will be able to love someone else.

 

I agree I used to be heavily dependent on him back when I was still facing the worst. He was like the first person I would rush to the moment I had anixiety attacks. I would instantly feel better, on just seeing his face.

 

But after I have started feeling better, I feel less of this dependency. Now he's mainly the reason for motivating and inspiring me.

[natashalove]

Frankly, it sounds more like co-dependency than love to me.

 

How does he feel about you?

 

I don't know. He's been very supportive and caring. That's all I could make out .

[Redhead14]

So 4 months ago, I got in touch with a guy whom I forced myself to like.

I was extremely depressed and was going through a really horrible phase where I had no hope in my life. Until I discovered him.

 

After I came to know him, I did feel better and started getting distracted and focusing on him rather than thinking about rubbish things all the time.

He is a very creative and artistic person and coincidently both of us share the same hobbies and interests. Because of my depression and mental trauma, I had given up all of my hobbies but seeing him do all the art works and stuff inspired me and I started doing art once again.

I never cooked nor was interested in but he can cook and that motivated me and I started learning how to cook.

He inspires me to become better. He was the sole reason why I would smile when I never thought I would.

 

I would feel suicidal at times but if at any moment, I saw his face and silly antics, I would start smiling and laughing for no reason at all.

 

Unfortunately, he was only here for 6 months and he left for his he country, UK.

 

Today, I feel much better because of him. It he wasn't around I wouldn't feel normal again.

But I miss him acutely. Nothing lessens the heartache. Even if we talk, I still can't get over my sadness. I miss him like hell and every love song reminds me of him. Sometimes I wish I had discovered him earlier, wishing I met him earlier. Sometimes I even had crazy thoughts like I wish I had a time machine and could turn back time and meet him long before.

 

He influences me as a person. He saved me from causing disaster and he was the only person whom I could always bank upon. It was like I knew he can help me and I would rush to him the moment I felt extremely sick with worry and misery.

 

He was never my type. He is younger than me by a year and five months. And there are lots of things I wanted in a man but he fits nothing of the criteria I had. Except for the fact he's extremely handsome and has the most beautiful intense eyes.

But none of the "types" could do anything for me except him.

 

The problem is he lives in UK and jets between US and UK for work. I really want to stay close to him and near him.

 

Why do I feel this way? And what should I do? I can't bear this separation.

 

whom I forced myself to like

 

getting distracted and focusing on him rather than thinking about rubbish things all the time.

 

He is/was a distraction from the "real" issues you are and should be dealing with. No matter how good you think you were feeling "because" of him, those underlying issues should be dealt with head on.

 

"If he wasn't around I wouldn't feel normal again." -- in other words, unless he was there to hold you up or distract you, you would go back to being depressed and anxious, etc. Until those things are addressed and resolved properly, you can't be the partner you should be.

 

Even though you feel as though he was so good for you, and he may very well have been good for you, the truth is, he would be carrying a lot of weight on his shoulders knowing that he was your SOURCE of happiness and stability. You would have been relying on him for everything and not being the independent, secure, mutually supportive partner you should be in a relationship.

 

Take this time to focus on yourself and your needs and address those things that are causing you distress. Seek counseling, keep doing things that make you happy as an individual.

[d0nnivain]

You repeatedly say he's not your type & you forced yourself to like him. Perhaps you need to revisit what is your type because you may have been wrong.

 

 

Second, you need to recognize that he didn't make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy. He may have been the catalyst that allowed you to experience happiness again but it was you not him.

 

 

Lots of people have LDRs but international ones are tricky with all of the immigration issues. You stay close by using all of the communications means at your disposal -- phone, social media, text, e-mail, Skype & even snail mail. You see each other when he's here.

 

 

Third, since you mentioned suicidal thoughts, you get into therapy if you are not already under a doctor's care.

[stillafool]

Why don't you let him go and date someone you don't have to force yourself to like and whom you are not co dependent on. That gets very tiring quick!