"I have to take clients out tonight" - default excuse for everything?

[PinkCarnations]

I met this guy from online dating who works in sales. i like him, but sometimes I feel like he lies a lot. "Taking clients out" seems to be his go-to cover up. For instance, One time he flaked on me and told me he had texted me that morning that he had to take clients out that night so he couldn't go to the movies with me. Apparently I never received that message. I later chalked it up to bad cell phone reception in my apartment. Other times, I got mad at him for not calling me back, and he would say he called me back several times. For some reason those calls never appeared on my phone, even after I activated wifi calling on my phone. Then earlier today, when I asked if he could pick me up from the airport (arriving at 11pm at night), he said he just found out he had to take clients out... And these clients are known to want to 'party' until 1am...?? The reason I wanted him to pick me up was because he lived close, and my car was still at his house. Anyways, at 10:55pm, he texted me and said he left my keys under the floor mat, which I told him to. I ended up not picking up my keys until close to midnight because of flight delays. When I was outside his house, I couldn't tell if he was home or not. Anyways I wonder if he simply went to sleep before sending me that last message and was too lazy or tired to pick me up. Seriously who has to take business clients out until 1am on a Monday night?? The bars barely open that late here. He seemed ok with the idea of picking me up until I told him yesterday that I couldn't sleep over his place that night. ???

 

Anyways, I know he's not my boyfriend and doesn't owe me anything... But do u guys believe him? Or is it just me. I used to date a sales guy and he was a chronic liar. I really hope this guy is not the same.

Edited December 1, 2015 by PinkCarnations

[ExpatInItaly]

No idea if he's lying, but he obviously doesn't have a lot of time right now to prioritize you and the potential relationship. How long have you been seeing each other?

[empresario]

I'm a business owner that routinely has to go out with important people. However, no matter how many clients I meet up with...nobody is so interesting that I'll stay out with them all night partying. Who has time for that?

 

I've also used work as an excuse not to do things, so I do t see that as too far-fetched as an excuse. Either way he obviously isn't that into you.

 

Then again, in his defense, you aren't a couple and you already have him doing couple-like favors for you. That would scare me in his shoes.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Anyways, I know he's not my boyfriend and doesn't owe me anything... But do u guys believe him? Or is it just me. I used to date a sales guy and he was a chronic liar. I really hope this guy is not the same.

 

I think this says it all.

 

If you don't like the way you're being treated regardless if he's full of sh*t or not, STOP SEEING HIM! It's simple.

 

You can't blame anyone but yourself if you continue on with this guy only to find out he really is a pathological liar with a string of equally gullible girls he's been feeding a bowlful of pathetic lines to.

 

Good luck.

[Versacehottie]

I'm a business owner that routinely has to go out with important people. However, no matter how many clients I meet up with...nobody is so interesting that I'll stay out with them all night partying. Who has time for that?

 

I've also used work as an excuse not to do things, so I do t see that as too far-fetched as an excuse. Either way he obviously isn't that into you.

 

Then again, in his defense, you aren't a couple and you already have him doing couple-like favors for you. That would scare me in his shoes.[/QUOTE]

 

That's exactly what I was going to say bolded. Why are you acting like a gf already? It's sounds like he definitely is finding ways to create distance as a means to control pace with you. Could be honest or dishonest reasons. My guess is a little of both. He may be exaggerating or using it as an excuse because you "want too much". You aren't letting him time to 'get there' on his own which is obvious by his actions.

 

The airport pick up is a perfect example. He is not fully into it or he would have picked you up. Depends on what type of business/sales he is in. I do have guy friends that have to entertain into the night past 1am (monday is a little fishy though and most are planned well in advance). Sorry if I sound harsh. I don't think it looks good though. AND I think the problem is from both of you. I'm not sure that you see that you are doing anything wrong which is essentially at the core of the problem on your end. You can't control him at all so it makes sense to take care of your end of it.

 

I think you are being presumptuous and that's why you end up disappointed and he makes excuses. I think once a guy has gotten to that stage you basically extinguish whatever spark was just starting. His mind is focused on ways to "get away from you" which is not a good thing. I would worry less about the excuses being legit or truthful or not because the action that he is trying to get out of stuff with you spells kinda doom for the relationship.

 

Sorry again for being harsh. I don't like to be negative but this is what I see in your situation. good luck

[PinkCarnations]

I'm a business owner that routinely has to go out with important people. However, no matter how many clients I meet up with...nobody is so interesting that I'll stay out with them all night partying. Who has time for that?

 

I've also used work as an excuse not to do things, so I do t see that as too far-fetched as an excuse. Either way he obviously isn't that into you.

 

Then again, in his defense, you aren't a couple and you already have him doing couple-like favors for you. That would scare me in his shoes.[/QUOTE]

 

That's exactly what I was going to say bolded. Why are you acting like a gf already? It's sounds like he definitely is finding ways to create distance as a means to control pace with you. Could be honest or dishonest reasons. My guess is a little of both. He may be exaggerating or using it as an excuse because you "want too much". You aren't letting him time to 'get there' on his own which is obvious by his actions.

 

The airport pick up is a perfect example. He is not fully into it or he would have picked you up. Depends on what type of business/sales he is in. I do have guy friends that have to entertain into the night past 1am (monday is a little fishy though and most are planned well in advance). Sorry if I sound harsh. I don't think it looks good though. AND I think the problem is from both of you. I'm not sure that you see that you are doing anything wrong which is essentially at the core of the problem on your end. You can't control him at all so it makes sense to take care of your end of it.

 

I think you are being presumptuous and that's why you end up disappointed and he makes excuses. I think once a guy has gotten to that stage you basically extinguish whatever spark was just starting. His mind is focused on ways to "get away from you" which is not a good thing. I would worry less about the excuses being legit or truthful or not because the action that he is trying to get out of stuff with you spells kinda doom for the relationship.

 

Sorry again for being harsh. I don't like to be negative but this is what I see in your situation. good luck

 

Although it appears that he could be scared off by my couple-like favors and expectations of him.. I'm actually the one that told him I don't wanna act like we're exclusive until we are (meaning I would continue seeing other people). He's been acting weird ever since. He is actually the one that acts more couple-like, always wanting me to spend the night, inviting me on trips with him, disappointed I wouldn't be in town for new year's etc. it seems like every time he's not happy with me, he uses work as an excuse to create distance. Anyways I am pretty much tired of it. I can't ever trust what he says. I decided to not contact him anymore.

 

Thanks for the advice!

[Redhead14]

 

Although it appears that he could be scared off by my couple-like favors and expectations of him.. I'm actually the one that told him I don't wanna act like we're exclusive until we are (meaning I would continue seeing other people). He's been acting weird ever since. He is actually the one that acts more couple-like, always wanting me to spend the night, inviting me on trips with him, disappointed I wouldn't be in town for new year's etc. it seems like every time he's not happy with me, he uses work as an excuse to create distance. Anyways I am pretty much tired of it. I can't ever trust what he says. I decided to not contact him anymore.

 

Thanks for the advice!

 

I decided to not contact him anymore. -- And stick to it and don't respond to him if he reaches out. People will say this, but in a moment of weakness or spinning it in their minds, etc., they cave Don't do it.

[PinkCarnations]

 

I decided to not contact him anymore. -- And stick to it and don't respond to him if he reaches out. People will say this, but in a moment of weakness or spinning it in their minds, etc., they cave Don't do it.

 

Yeah I know right. I sent one last text to him saying what's going on between us is unhealthy and it makes me unhappy. I don't expect a response and decided I'm not going to reply even if I get a response. I really need to stick to my words. Thanks for the motivation.

[Versacehottie]

 

Although it appears that he could be scared off by my couple-like favors and expectations of him.. I'm actually the one that told him I don't wanna act like we're exclusive until we are (meaning I would continue seeing other people). He's been acting weird ever since. He is actually the one that acts more couple-like, always wanting me to spend the night, inviting me on trips with him, disappointed I wouldn't be in town for new year's etc. it seems like every time he's not happy with me, he uses work as an excuse to create distance. Anyways I am pretty much tired of it. I can't ever trust what he says. I decided to not contact him anymore.

 

Thanks for the advice!

 

Well I'm definitely confused. Maybe he really is busy with work? And both of you are both too sensitive? Like you each take not being able to get together more personally than makes sense for the situation and your current relationship. From what you've added, it sounds like in his way he was making effort and you slowed things down in some ways but not in others. It just maybe isn't as clear cut as either of you need it to be.

 

But one thing that I'm curious about: if he treats you like you say, nicely and pushing for being a couple more than you are, why don't you trust what he says?? Somethings off with that. Like your intutition gives you the opposite impression v his actions? Or have you been hurt previously and projecting some stuff onto him. I think it's kinda normal that he's acting weird if you told him you don't want to act exclusive until you are. It's an ego blow. And maybe it doesn't need an announcement---just a statement that you'd prefer to take things slow. I guess one thing that could be happening is that he's reacting and overcorrecting to what he perceives are slights/blow-offs by you. So it ends up looking a little hot and cold and you probably do the same because of his behavior.

 

I was a little surprised that you posted these new details which portray him as pretty nice and that you knee jerked dumped him. I still think there's something you can take from this dating experience to refine your own stuff going forward. There usually is for everyone in every situation. Anyway, it does sound pretty confusing and I'm sure you know the relationship better than anyone here. Best of luck with the next one!

[RedRobin]

I don't think asking someone you are seeing for a ride from the airport is exceptional at all.

 

... If you think you are being lied to, then you are probably right. Lots of people want to know 'why' but I never do.

 

For me, it is enough that they are fibbing or I don't trust them (doesn't matter why) to end something in the early stages. It is not supposed to be work at this stage. Just move on.

[PinkCarnations]

 

Well I'm definitely confused. Maybe he really is busy with work? And both of you are both too sensitive? Like you each take not being able to get together more personally than makes sense for the situation and your current relationship. From what you've added, it sounds like in his way he was making effort and you slowed things down in some ways but not in others. It just maybe isn't as clear cut as either of you need it to be.

 

But one thing that I'm curious about: if he treats you like you say, nicely and pushing for being a couple more than you are, why don't you trust what he says?? Somethings off with that. Like your intutition gives you the opposite impression v his actions? Or have you been hurt previously and projecting some stuff onto him. I think it's kinda normal that he's acting weird if you told him you don't want to act exclusive until you are. It's an ego blow. And maybe it doesn't need an announcement---just a statement that you'd prefer to take things slow. I guess one thing that could be happening is that he's reacting and overcorrecting to what he perceives are slights/blow-offs by you. So it ends up looking a little hot and cold and you probably do the same because of his behavior.

 

I was a little surprised that you posted these new details which portray him as pretty nice and that you knee jerked dumped him. I still think there's something you can take from this dating experience to refine your own stuff going forward. There usually is for everyone in every situation. Anyway, it does sound pretty confusing and I'm sure you know the relationship better than anyone here. Best of luck with the next one!

 

You're absolutely right. We are both kinda sensitive to each other's behavior so it creates this constant hot & cold dynamic between me & him. I guess I could break the cycle by not being so skeptical of him all the time and let things slide. We'll see. I appreciate the advice, thank you!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I always use work as an excuse when I can't be bothered seeing someone. The truth is, you are never required to "stay and party", you can come for an hour out of obligation, leave and come back, skip one or a few etc.

 

Has to party till 1am on Monday night?

[kendahke]

How long have you two been interacting with one another? How many dates have you two been on? A lot of times, OLD just doesn't work out for a myriad of reasons.

 

I sent one last text to him saying what's going on between us is unhealthy and it makes me unhappy.

 

If you've determined that he's a liar and you don't' want anything more to do with him, sending him this text was unnecessary. Blocking him would have been the better way to go, because as you said:

 

Anyways, I know he's not my boyfriend and doesn't owe me anything...

 

And you don't owe him anything, either.