Vilgefoz Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 (edited) Ok, this might seems like really silly question but I mean it. You see, everytime I talk to girl I feel myself being rather aloof. It is hard to feel emphaty with her. Like, if she is happy I rarely feel happy with her. If she is sad, it's hard for me to share her feelings. Moreover, I feel I don't care. Like, I talk to girl then we split apart... I don't think of her much more. Like not in terms how is she doing and so. It is difficult to write about these feelings because I don't have them or don't understand them any more. I remember many years ago I approached any girl I liked and even though I was shy and tensed as hell I felt her feelings, felt emphaty... difficult to remmeber and even more difficult to describe... I do feel well... sexually attracted to women of course. Tthat is for sure. But I feel like my emphaty for them died... On spirng of this year I met one girl I really liked (possibly she liked me back) and I felt these feeling for her (again). she broke her leg and I was worried if she is OK and sad that she feels pain. As a matter of fact I still care of her and think of her. Today, if any other woman broke her leg aroud me I would send a bunch of flowers with wish to get well soon. The end. And here is the point: how can I be nice to someone I don't care about her feelings? Of course, I can be polite, formelly gentleman... but anything above it... I am not sure if that would be sincere. I have friends, good friends that I do care about and rarely encounter any problem in relationships with them. So... Does it make sense? Do you have any advice? Tip? T.Hanks! Edited November 26, 2015 by Vilgefoz Link to post Share on other sites
littlez360 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I can relate man... The relationships I've been through since my early teens have kinda developed this "complex" with me. Leaving my emotions under lock and key at this point. I can tell I sometimes come off a bit "cold" when it comes to my feelings. It just takes the right person to change that around. Not sure how old you are, but when I was in my teens I had it all figured out, when you find yourself involved with a good girl, you have to treat her right and with respect... So I focused my attention on the bad girls and avoided the drama. As I got older I became more willing to invest some emotion into a relationship if it seemed like a meaningful situation. Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 What you´re describing is normal. You said you have good friends you care about and you do get worried when you really like a girl. To a certain degree it´s normal to feel less empathy for people you don´t care about. Maybe try to get more in touch with your emotions. The happier and balanced you are yourself the easier it gets to empathise with "strangers". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 All i do know is that to care for someone's feelings, you have to begin by PAYING ATTENTION TO HER.. the nuances make a difference Link to post Share on other sites
Vyliss Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Hmm, how about, you are nice to people because that's just who you are. You're a nice person. The caring about her feelings part will happen naturally when you build a connection with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vilgefoz Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 I can relate man... The relationships I've been through since my early teens have kinda developed this "complex" with me. Leaving my emotions under lock and key at this point. I can tell I sometimes come off a bit "cold" when it comes to my feelings. It just takes the right person to change that around. Not sure how old you are, but when I was in my teens I had it all figured out, when you find yourself involved with a good girl, you have to treat her right and with respect... So I focused my attention on the bad girls and avoided the drama. As I got older I became more willing to invest some emotion into a relationship if it seemed like a meaningful situation. Thank you! I am 27. As a matter of fact I used to be more emphatic as younger person, now I feel yhe opposite. Like my emotions are under lock, jus s you say. Just 2 days ago I met one girl I might like (not only she is pretty but I somewhat like her personality) but just 2 days and I am forgeting of her... very quickly. You are right, probbaly - one needs to find the right girl. All I hope I won't forget her along the process of dating Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vilgefoz Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 What you´re describing is normal. You said you have good friends you care about and you do get worried when you really like a girl. To a certain degree it´s normal to feel less empathy for people you don´t care about. Maybe try to get more in touch with your emotions. The happier and balanced you are yourself the easier it gets to empathise with "strangers". Thank you! Yes, I am trying to feel happy and confortable even though I am not sure if it's helping in this matter... But you are sure right I need to find right girl to create link of emphaty with her. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vilgefoz Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 All i do know is that to care for someone's feelings, you have to begin by PAYING ATTENTION TO HER.. the nuances make a difference I do pay attention but knowing what's going on with other person and feeling with him are 2 different things Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vilgefoz Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 Hmm, how about, you are nice to people because that's just who you are. You're a nice person. The caring about her feelings part will happen naturally when you build a connection with someone. Thank you, makes sense. Yes, creating a connection is the key. It's a bit difficult though as I have very little in common with many femailes - hobies, way of life, social cyrcle... but I will try... Link to post Share on other sites
basha Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 (edited) I can relate man... The relationships I've been through since my early teens have kinda developed this "complex" with me. Leaving my emotions under lock and key at this point. I can tell I sometimes come off a bit "cold" when it comes to my feelings. It just takes the right person to change that around. Not sure how old you are, but when I was in my teens I had it all figured out, when you find yourself involved with a good girl, you have to treat her right and with respect... So I focused my attention on the bad girls and avoided the drama. As I got older I became more willing to invest some emotion into a relationship if it seemed like a meaningful situation. I agree with this. And I don't think you can really force yourself to care when you really don't, but the right person won't require you to do that. One of the worst things you can do in any relationship is force things (even if you mean well). Edited November 29, 2015 by basha Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 People who are in the helping professions often complain of empathy burnout. I think by the time many guys are 30 or so, we hit empathy burnout with women and dating. I think it is tough to be the pursuer and continuously 'work' for women as a man. If you experience enough drama, rejection, or disappointment, you simply become more cold. But like a previous poster said, all it takes is for one woman to turn it around. Let's just hope the one that does that for you doesn't screw you over 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vilgefoz Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 People who are in the helping professions often complain of empathy burnout. I think by the time many guys are 30 or so, we hit empathy burnout with women and dating. I think it is tough to be the pursuer and continuously 'work' for women as a man. If you experience enough drama, rejection, or disappointment, you simply become more cold. But like a previous poster said, all it takes is for one woman to turn it around. Let's just hope the one that does that for you doesn't screw you over yes, so true... After all those years caring of somebody seems so weird... even wrong. I did care for a quite a few gilrs and what I got was rejection, ignorance. It feels now like it's normal and being emphatic is some sort of laughable mistake. Hey, I write what I feel, NOT what I think. Maybe you are right, maybe "right girl" will change things... or maybe screw it even more. But I somewhat doubt that as I find so difficult to trust gils that dissapointing me, even huting my feelings seems like teaming with ISIS and being suprised of ill political actions... I write what I feel.... Link to post Share on other sites
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