ltwil121 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 I have been dating this guy for six weeks and its all been going great until about a week ago. He is extremely busy- works at a big corporate accounting firm during the week, is a server at a restaurant on the weekends and is studying for his CPA so he barely has free time. We have seen each other at least once a week but this past week i have definitely been the proactive one and he has responded positviely but i have been the one initiating contact and setting up time to hang out. He has not texted me like he used to. He has voiced that he feels overworked and is stressed about his test in two weeks. I am scared that his lack of proactiveness means he is not interested but maybe he is just stressed and trying to sort everything else so I am thinking I give him some breathing room and if he wants to see me he will. Advice on this? Should I text him like every few days and just encourage him with the studying or just for him to reach out either between the studying or wait it out over the next two weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Has he said anything about being very busy lately and that is why he hasn't been in touch as much? If he hasn't been apologetic at all for not being in touch as much it's possible that he has lost interest a bit or that he is just too busy for the type of relationship that you're after. But it's also only been a week, lots of people have a bit of fluctuation around how much they're in touch. I think it is a good idea to just give him a bit of space and see if he makes it happen, but I wouldn't hang your hopes on it necessarily. Regardless of whether or not he is interested in you, it seems like he has a LOT on his plate and might not really be in a good place for an invested relationship. But only time will tell! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltwil121 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 No he hasn't mentioned a dip in the communication he just keeps saying how he is so behind on his studying and if he doesn't pass he has to take the four parts again. Maybe he feels if he says he is too busy ill think its just a lame excuse? I saw him on Saturday night- we went out for drinks and he slept over at my place. This was after working at the restaurant all day, studying and then coming to see me so I see some of his "efforts" but its been hard to deal with because the relationship is so new- it translates as lost interest but then why take me out two days ago? Im so confused Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Curious question, why does he need two jobs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltwil121 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 well we live in NYC so things are very expensive and he was uncomfortable not saving any money and wanted a cushion- I guess he started three months ago and it seems to be really tough on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 I would send him texts every now and then to show support and encouragement. He clearly stated that he was very stressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltwil121 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 Ok thanks. I guess that is my question if he has lost interest in me then the texts will just be extremely annoying. But if he just overwhelmed and needs "space" I won't pressure to hang out but just to check up on him. Thats the thing- he is very responsive to my texts answers right away was down to make plans when i suggested but hes not being proactive- I think he just cant at the moment. At least for the next few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Exactly. If he needs to focus on work and classes, you should be there to encourage and support him. If he thinks he can free himself to go out on a date with you. Then he'll do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 A relationship is not on top of his list. What's the use of waiting after him? He has 2 jobs and is in school at the same time. In a year he will still be working 2 jobs and not have more time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Myragal Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 It takes 20 seconds to text. I like to think that I am a man's priority. If a man is really into me he will text little sweet things, funny incidences, sexual innuendos (if we are at that stage). I just never buy into 'the too busy' excuse. A thoughtful text or call is not a burden...he will want to hear my voice. My father would talk about being exhausted on military duty and the most comforting few moments of the day was when he scrawled a letter to his then girlfriend, my mom. Anyways, his lack of enthusiasm and attentiveness would be a red light. Warning of things to come. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltwil121 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 Yeah, I know you're right if he really, really wanted to make the time he would still put in like a tiny bit of effort so I know he is still interested, which he was doing until this past week. I just don't understand why if he's been over this for a week why he would take me out two nights ago, just seems mean to string someone along like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Was his last visit your first time having sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltwil121 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 No it was not the first time. Sex started pretty early for us actually. Like second week seeing him and his interest only got more intense after sex so I don't think it's that. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Give the guy a break. He's BUSY and he's got a big exam coming up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BLND Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 He mentioned how stressed he was About his exam. That s a good enough reason for him not to schedule a date right now. The fact that he texts you shows that he s still in it. Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 A relationship is not on top of his list. What's the use of waiting after him? He has 2 jobs and is in school at the same time. In a year he will still be working 2 jobs and not have more time. This.. no matter whether he is interested in you or not, it doesn't really sound like he has the time for a full blown relationship now or in the near future. If that is already how it is now in the beginning stages of the relationship it isn't likely to improve unless there is a known end date to this 2 jobs and school arrangement. It won't get easier the longer you date even if you feel more sure of his interest, the anxiety it creates will just change. Rather than wondering if he is interested you will wonder if you are a priority, you will wonder if you will be able to rely on him, you'll wonder if he'll ever go on a trip with you or make it to a family dinner/holiday etc. etc. I'm not saying that what he is doing is wrong in any way, he seems like a very hard worker. I'm just saying that if that's not enough for you, you're likely to be unhappy. He should probably be dating someone who is similarly busy and preoccupied by their work that doesn't require very much from a relationship or have very much to give. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltwil121 Posted November 10, 2015 Author Share Posted November 10, 2015 Yes I know he is insanely busy and maybe not want a relationship right now- im not 100% certain I do either we haven't even talked like that its far too early, but I have been enjoying getting to know him and don't want that to end. To clarify, he is not in school but has the CPA in two weeks, which is a big test and if you pass you have a special certification as an accountant, so that part of his life will end soon. So im saying do I wait out possibly two weeks of minimal contact/ time spent together or just write this off. Do I reach out periodically or wait for him to? Link to post Share on other sites
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