Overcoming insecurity in a relationship

[ss1891]

For the past two months, I have been dating a wonderful guy. He's fantastic, respectful, good-looking...basically the whole package. I have started falling for him. I know he really likes me and we both make each other happy. We've been long-distance for the past month while I am finishing up my last semester of school. We won't be long distance after December!

 

Here's the issue: I am not able to get rid of these feelings of anxiety and fear that he will leave me. He has been in 3 relationships over the past year that have lasted a couple months each. He claims that he just lost interest. I am fearful that he will lose interest in me as well.

 

I am getting very attached to him. He might possibly be the one. And while we haven't had any fights or issues, I am already waiting for him to break up with me. After all, I know I probably like him more than he likes me. I feel like I am not good enough for him and he is way out of my league. It's starting to affect my mental health.

 

How can I overcome this fear? Any help would be appreciated!

[Toodaloo]

Whats the worst that will happen?

 

The worst is that your fears come true, he dumps you, it hurts, you cry for a bit then go out and find someone else. Is that really so bad? Not really.

 

Relax. Even if it doesn't work out, you have found a good one once so you can find another again. Just remember to keep yourself busy and not get too het up about him. Keep going out with your friends with out him and do your own things. Entertain yourself.

 

When you feel the panic take a moment to take a deep breath and remind yourself that its all OK. No worries and even if it does go pete tong (UK slang for wrong) you can handle it. So actually the worst isn't so bad.

[TaraMaiden2]

Try asking him what makes him lose interest.

The problem has been his then, not the fault of those he has dated. If he's the one who can only go '2 months' then he is not 'the one', is he?

 

Don't give your heart away so easily. One so young shouldn't be committing to a "possible", at this time of her life....

[d0nnivain]

Keep yourself somewhat detached until you are no longer long distance.

[Miss Peach]

I actually see that history as a potential red flag. There are many guys that love the honeymoon phase and bail as soon as real life sets in. I also have concerns with LD dating in general because you aren't there to see each other IRL.

 

I agree with the PP comments to see what happens when you two are no longer long distance. I know it sucks but you can't control the outcome. This is something that's hard in dating but you need to learn to live with. You two will be together or you won't. If you don't make it you just need to find another one.

[ss1891]

Thanks so much for all the advice!

 

It's a really tough situation, because we are not talking as often as we used to. He is in dental school so he doesn't really have time for anything. I understand how stressed out he must be, so I don't want to push for more communication or anything. But I fear that we won't get any closer. We skype once a week and text almost everyday. But it takes him 7-8 hours to respond sometimes.

 

His lack of communication is what makes me feel insecure. If I don't hear from him after 2 days, I automatically assume he doesn't like me anymore and is going to dump me. I know it's irrational, but I don't know how to be detached.

 

I really don't want to be emotionally invested so early in the game, but I don't what steps I can take to distance myself. I'm doing fine in school and I have a great social life and everything...but I constantly think about him.