ScienceGal Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I'm 33. I have always been in relationships and have barely dated. I'm almost 6 weeks post BU from a ~2 year relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. NC ever since. Not looking back. I am nervous but also excited to meet these two men. Nervous because I have never been good at dating (always end up getting into a relationship/emotionally invested too soon). Excited because from what I can tell they are both nice, grounded guys. I am genuinely interested to speak with each of them in person. With each failed relationship, I keep trying to learn and do better next time. So, two dates! People do this, right? I can do this, I can date! Does anyone have words of wisdom for me as to what I should be looking for or asking, or how I should avoid rushing in too soon? I know this is very generalized and each date will probably flow on its own. I'm just, well, nervous and excited and am seeking balance. LS has helped me through a lot, so if anyone has anything to offer me now, I would gladly welcome it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 how well do you trust yourself ? The lessons you learned do you think you can put them into practice? I think this weekend will be good practice for you! Trust yourself and your extinct. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 I agree, it will be great practice. I'm not sure I trust my instinct fully. I need to go with the take it slow approach. I do know that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovel Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I was about to start a similar thread. I'm getting back into the dating world myself and the best advice I received is to just have fun. Keep it light and don't overthink anything. Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I was about to start a similar thread. I'm getting back into the dating world myself and the best advice I received is to just have fun. Keep it light and don't overthink anything. Good luck! agreed take it day by day and be kind to yourself first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovel Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 agreed take it day by day and be kind to yourself first. Yes. definitely be kind to yourself first. That is the biggest mistake I made with the last guy, so that's the lesson that I'm going to put into practice this time around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Also, I'm trying to not feel bad about having two dates. I mean, I'm not doing anything wrong, it's just not something I've ever done so it feels unusual. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Also, I'm trying to not feel bad about having two dates. I mean, I'm not doing anything wrong, it's just not something I've ever done so it feels unusual. It'll help to remind you that you don't owe either of these men a relationship because they seem "nice". You're simply meeting and chatting with them. Having multiple dates on the go helps ease the discomfort when one eventually falls through. Good Luck!~ 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Good point, Neo. Both of them have dated a lot more than I have. So, they have likely had their fair share of rejection (giving and receiving). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Have you met these guys already in real life? Or are they internet dates? If they are internet dates then I wouldn't even think of them as "Dates" but more like meeting for the first time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Have not met either of them. One is an internet date, one is a friend of a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Also, I'm trying to not feel bad about having two dates. I mean, I'm not doing anything wrong, it's just not something I've ever done so it feels unusual. You're not doing anything wrong. If it makes you feel better I typically date 3-5 guys at a time until I go exclusive with someone. Just keep going on about your life. Enjoy your time with these guys. Meet more guys. Get a sense of what you like and don't like. If one seems like a really good fit for you then give it a try if he feels the same way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Well, I have 4 dates this week with different women, if that makes you feel any better. Trust me, the men you're seeing are seeing other people as well. And they should be. No sense in putting all your hopes in one person at a time. People need to have options and experiences from which to compare. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Have not met either of them. One is an internet date, one is a friend of a friend. Is this the conservative one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) Miss Peach and Oregon Dude, knowing you're multi dating makes me feel better! Losangelena, I think I was quick to stereotype him. I thought he ghosted me after I was clear about a few liberal view points I have, but he didn't. He messaged me a few days later and has been consistent with reaching out every few days. I decided to just ask him to meet, then I'll get a better idea. He said he would wait until I am ready, which I thought was sweet. Also, I had a match.com profile (I never used it) and he is apparently a 90% match, for whatever that's worth. (I saw this through an email of top matches). Edited October 13, 2015 by ScienceGal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Miss Peach and Oregon Dude, knowing you're multi dating makes me feel better! Losangelena, I think I was quick to stereotype him. I thought he ghosted me after I was clear about a few liberal view points I have, but he didn't. He messaged me a few days later and has been consistent with reaching out every few days. I decided to just ask him to meet, then I'll get a better idea. He said he would wait until I am ready, which I thought was sweet. Also, I had a match.com profile (I never used it) and he is apparently a 90% match, for whatever that's worth. (I saw this through an email of top matches). Fair enough! I'm glad that worked out. When I'm meeting men from OLD, I definitely meet more than one at a time (just FYI), so I'm in agreement with everyone else. Don't feel bad, it's normal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 When I'm meeting men from OLD, I definitely meet more than one at a timeSo, you tell them both to meet you Friday night, 7pm at Charley's Tavern? Talk about a double date. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 So, you tell them both to meet you Friday night, 7pm at Charley's Tavern? Talk about a double date. Yes, and then I sit in the back of the bar and giggle as chaos ensues. You know what I mean!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 My only advice would be to make sure you're fully moved on before dating. I mean to be honest, six weeks doesn't sound like that much time considering you were with your ex for two years. Speaking as a guy, I can personally say that nothing sucks more than getting involved w/a woman that has past relationship baggage she hasn't dealt with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 My only advice would be to make sure you're fully moved on before dating. I mean to be honest, six weeks doesn't sound like that much time considering you were with your ex for two years. Speaking as a guy, I can personally say that nothing sucks more than getting involved w/a woman that has past relationship baggage she hasn't dealt with. Very good point, thank you. I have given this a great deal of thought. I cared for my ex very deeply, and always hoped he'd open up and express thoughts and feelings. He didn't, and when he left I was (slightly) shocked and quite hurt. I always knew somewhere deep down that things weren't quite right. We had great companionship, but never the true intimate connection that most of us want. I've accepted the relationship never came to be what I'd hoped it would. And if he came back in the fashion that a successful reconciliation would require, well, that'd be like winning the lottery (I.e. It ain't gonna happen). If he came back wanting the same relationship we had, I'd say no. I'm no longer considering reconciliation, so I think I'm ready to date. I know I have a lot to offer and I want to share that with someone who can appreciate and reciprocate. I want to move on, I just hope I can have better selection skills this time. I always seem to abandon myself and I do not want to do that again. Link to post Share on other sites
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