Xiomn Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I am curious to find out everyone's thinking on when one would feel it appropriate to bring up the topic of making the relationship official or in other words becoming girlfriend and boyfriend (that sounds so childish ) At the moment I've only known the person I've been dating for 2 weeks. We have been on 4 dates so far. I'm looking into setting up our 5th date later on in the week by which point it will have been 2 and a half weeks since our first date. Admittedly that doesn't sound like much at all but nevertheless we've spent a lot of time together already and have gotten to know each other as a result. The first date lasted 3 hours. Cafe and walk around the park. Second date lasted around 8 hours. Trip to the Zoo. Third date movie night watching Netflix with pizza, she stayed over night at my place and was at mine for a total of 20 hours. She invited me around to her place the following day and we pretty much spent the entire day and night together, I stayed over at hers this time all in all for 27 hours in total. Our fourth date was a comedy night. We've also already had sex on 2 occasions. This has got me thinking things seem to be getting serious, however, would it still be too early to ask about possibly making it official despite all of this? I don't want to scare her away by bringing it up only 2 and a half weeks in, as most people seem to suggest at least waiting a month before bringing it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Probably the most casual approach is to start flirting with her calling her your girlfriend a lot. If in a short while she starts calling you her boyfriend you succeeded! Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I would just ask her. If she doesn't want it, then at least you'll know that you two aren't seeing eye to eye, and can stop wasting eachother's time. Or she will bring up that she isn't ready yet, in which case, you can choose to wait or not. I wouldn't just start calling her my girlfriend in a flirting way. That might make her feel confused (flirtatiousness is playful and can come off as not serious) or worse, controlled. It could work if you pull it off right, but I wouldn't recommend it. I dated a girl for a while and she asked me straight out, or commanded me, rather, to go out with her. That was her way of trying to make it official. It would have worked had I wanted to. Another girl I dated, I eventually just asked if she would be my girlfriend. I didn't care if it sounded childish. Maybe it's a problem if you are afraid, but I didn't care if I looked like a child, a fool, or even if I came off as too forward - I wanted her to be mine. And she said yes. =) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 We've also already had sex on 2 occasions. Third times a charm, bang her into next week then call her your girlfriend. She won't object. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Third times a charm, bang her into next week then call her your girlfriend. She won't object. Love this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mendalore Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Tough call. I had a very similar experience. We dated for a solid 2-3 months and she got scared when I brought it up and wound up dumping me. Long story. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 If you aren't careful here and bring up the bf/gf thing you may not get a chance yo bang her again because she thought you two already were bf/gf.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mendalore Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 If you aren't careful here and bring up the bf/gf thing you may not get a chance yo bang her again because she thought you two already were bf/gf.... On the other side of the coin, if you bring it up too soon they could think you're trying too hard to commit which can scare them off. Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 are you serious? 2 and a half weeks in and you're thinking about being in a relationship already? Jesus! You barely even know her yet! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 are you serious? 2 and a half weeks in and you're thinking about being in a relationship already? Jesus! You barely even know her yet! What's with the commitment phobia here? He's not marrying her, merely wanting to make banging sessions more regular and stable. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 If you aren't careful here and bring up the bf/gf thing you may not get a chance yo bang her again because she thought you two already were bf/gf.... lol... might not get a chance to bang her again, huh? totally bro talk, but you do make a point. All depends on the delivery, and of course, how she feels about you. 1: Would you like to go out with me? -where to? I mean... "officially?" 2: I just want to know how you feel about us, because I really like where this is going... Is it ok if I call you my girlfriend? -But I thought I was already your girlfriend! What do you think I am, a slut?! No, I just wanted to make sure you weren't just using me for my body! Just random scenarios in my head... Maybe a girl can chime in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 What's with the commitment phobia here? He's not marrying her, merely wanting to make banging sessions more regular and stable. To each their own, but if it were me, I probably would freak out real bad. I need A LOT of time to get to know someone before I make a commitment to be in a relationship with them. Because once I do, it is pretty damn serious, and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that maybe will last for just several months (even though no one can ever say anything set in stone when it comes to dating), but for me, I need to see them in different aspects of life, how they would fit in to my world, my family, my friends, how they handle certain things and such. Maybe it's just me, but 2 and a half weeks is a bit premature. But then again, each situation is different. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 To each their own, but if it were me, I probably would freak out real bad. I need A LOT of time to get to know someone before I make a commitment to be in a relationship with them. Because once I do, it is pretty damn serious, and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that maybe will last for just several months (even though no one can ever say anything set in stone when it comes to dating), but for me, I need to see them in different aspects of life, how they would fit in to my world, my family, my friends, how they handle certain things and such. Maybe it's just me, but 2 and a half weeks is a bit premature. But then again, each situation is different. 2 things. 1. If you'd "freak out real bad" if someone asked you to go steady after a few weeks, the problem might not be with them. You don't need to have a panic attack; just say you're not ready yet. 2. If the right guy came around, I bet you'd sing a different tune. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 2. If the right guy came around, I bet you'd sing a different tune. This yes. My last boyfriend moved in 2 days after we had sex the first time. There was never any talk about being official but when he turns up on your doorstep with everything he owns you can bet he's not after a couple of rolls in the hay. I've never had to stand back and observe etc too much once we are in each others company a lot. I generally do all of that before we ever think about dating. I'm a bit of a distance observer and I trust my gut as well I don't even do coffee if I'm not already 60% sure he's a keeper. Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 2 things. 1. If you'd "freak out real bad" if someone asked you to go steady after a few weeks, the problem might not be with them. You don't need to have a panic attack; just say you're not ready yet. 2. If the right guy came around, I bet you'd sing a different tune. Haha, no, I'd definitely be open to the idea of being with just them, but at the same time, I would tell them I'd like to take my time. My first boyfriend asked me to be his gf after 4 dates, and that was a mistake I made, which I will never make the same mistake again. While it was a good relationship when it was good, it was also very bad, as I barely knew him as a person. It certainly takes a lot of time to get to know someone. Then again, you are not me, so #2 does not apply to me. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I am curious to find out everyone's thinking on when one would feel it appropriate to bring up the topic of making the relationship official or in other words becoming girlfriend and boyfriend (that sounds so childish ) Yeah I actually do think that it sounds childish myself! I have not asked anyone to "be my girlfriend" since I was about 13. For me it just sort of happens over time. I know most people here seem to think that some kind of official 'talk' needs to happen where labels are applied, monogamy agreed, etc - and I can see a point in all that, but it just seems a bit ... weird ... is all. So I've just sorta just assumed after a period of time has passed and we spend a lot of time together and act like bf/gf that we are, indeed, bf and gf. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Yeah I actually do think that it sounds childish myself! I have not asked anyone to "be my girlfriend" since I was about 13. For me it just sort of happens over time. I know most people here seem to think that some kind of official 'talk' needs to happen where labels are applied, monogamy agreed, etc - and I can see a point in all that, but it just seems a bit ... weird ... is all. So I've just sorta just assumed after a period of time has passed and we spend a lot of time together and act like bf/gf that we are, indeed, bf and gf. Point taken, but I see at least two sides to this. (Also remember what happens when you assume.) On one hand, it might seem cool if a couple do not have to announce a change in a relationship and partners just "know." On the other hand, this whole "it seems childish to talk about being boyfriend/girlfriend" sounds like potential of fear of what other people think, either on the outside or just from each other. I'm not saying anyone here is taking part on that side, but am just saying that the potential is there. If people are afraid to open up and discuss labeling a relationship, that could lead to misunderstandings. If one partner thinks that they are exclusive and the other does not, trouble can occur. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Point taken, but I see at least two sides to this. (Also remember what happens when you assume.) On one hand, it might seem cool if a couple do not have to announce a change in a relationship and partners just "know." On the other hand, this whole "it seems childish to talk about being boyfriend/girlfriend" sounds like potential of fear of what other people think, either on the outside or just from each other. I'm not saying anyone here is taking part on that side, but am just saying that the potential is there. If people are afraid to open up and discuss labeling a relationship, that could lead to misunderstandings. If one partner thinks that they are exclusive and the other does not, trouble can occur. Yeah I do see the other side for sure. Just for me, it's never felt like something I needed to discuss explicitly. But yeah, maybe it's not the best solution for everyone! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 If one partner thinks that they are exclusive and the other does not, trouble can occur. It might help to note that Joseb is Australian. The difference between dating in Australia and the US is huge. Australian's don't have a big culture of dating multiple people at a time. It's not the norm so there isn't a need to know when things are 'exclusive' as pretty much most of the time they are exclusive from the start. Many Australian's wouldn't be interested in dating multiple people at once. Link to post Share on other sites
pcs13 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I have the same question. We've been dating for 2 months now and haven't made it official although we've agreed that we're only seeing and having sex with each other now. However we are both still using Tinder, we let each other know that it's only for fun. I still keep my OKcupid profile just in case. I use it to kill time and have no interest to meet anyone else on there, I know he is the same so I have no problem with that. We spend a lot of time together and act like gf/bf but I still feel the need to have "the talk" to have a solid reason to stop using Tinder and close my dating profile. Are we bf/gf or not??? He is British so I don't know if it's assumed or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) are you serious? 2 and a half weeks in and you're thinking about being in a relationship already? Jesus! You barely even know her yet! How much do I have to know her though, do I necessarily have to know almost everything about her before making it official? We've spent a lot of time together already and talked a lot getting to know each other I feel. How long do people seriously think it takes to get to know someone? It doesn't take as long as people think, I think. There are some things you can only learn when living with a person but obviously lets not even go into that. True we haven't met any of each others friends yet but I feel that's something you would do after making it official (in my personal opinion) We've cuddled before, kissed before, had sex twice now, she's stayed over the night at my place for 20 hours and I've stayed over the night at her place for 27 hours and had several long dates together prior too. I just feel like it's getting serious already given all of this and that I should possibly bring the question up, but at the same time I'm also hesitant of scaring her off by bringing it up too quick. (which may sound stupid to some people given as I've stated we've had sex twice now already, some would say that's too soon in itself) Edited October 5, 2015 by Xiomn Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I have the same question. We've been dating for 2 months now and haven't made it official although we've agreed that we're only seeing and having sex with each other now. However we are both still using Tinder, we let each other know that it's only for fun. I still keep my OKcupid profile just in case. I use it to kill time and have no interest to meet anyone else on there, I know he is the same so I have no problem with that. So what happens when he matches with some really smart hot girl on Tinder and she wants to meet him - is he just going to ignore her? If so, why is he on their? I think you need to drop the OLDating apps if you are serious about only seeing each other and being monogamous (which is my definition of being bf and gf - what else do you need? A Facebook status change? lol!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 Yeah I actually do think that it sounds childish myself! I have not asked anyone to "be my girlfriend" since I was about 13. For me it just sort of happens over time. I know most people here seem to think that some kind of official 'talk' needs to happen where labels are applied, monogamy agreed, etc - and I can see a point in all that, but it just seems a bit ... weird ... is all. So I've just sorta just assumed after a period of time has passed and we spend a lot of time together and act like bf/gf that we are, indeed, bf and gf. I don't think I could do that, I feel the need to have some form of confirmation that we are officially a couple otherwise I don't feel like we are and get worried that I'm either being used or being made into the friendzone or friends with benefits. Link to post Share on other sites
justabottle Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I don't think I could do that, I feel the need to have some form of confirmation that we are officially a couple otherwise I don't feel like we are and get worried that I'm either being used or being made into the friendzone or friends with benefits. From a girl's POV, I'd prefer that the guy asks "Will you be my gf?". At least that's how my bf asked Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiomn Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I just want to know how you feel about us, because I really like where this is going... Is it ok if I call you my girlfriend? I like this idea a lot better than just straight up asking will you be my girlfriend as it sounds more mature in my opinion and doesn't sound so demanding and out of nowhere. I might just add on to it though something like "you can tell me if you don't feel ready or comfortable yet, I don't want to pressure you". just to make her feel more at ease when asking her as I'm expressing that I'd be cool if she were to say 'not yet' Link to post Share on other sites
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