Girlfriend Cheated.

[Niall1234]

Right I have the most loyal girlfriend and not just me, my family, friends everyone thinks the world of her, she does everything going to help anyone, to cut things short to stop falling in love with her ok. She woke up this morning and said she remembers some lad being flirty and thinks he tried to kiss her

 

Her friend told her then that the words that came out of her mouth, was I'm tempted to go with this boy but she was paralytic drunk and was the worst state of her life. And they did yes. She told me instantly at 12am and has been crying right now for 24 hours saying she doesn't know why she did this. (Blaming the alcohol obviously) but like we have been going with each other 10 months, and she absolutely loves me to bits and would never ever think of this, but it's happened, I'm so confused, I love her loads

[Toddbt12y1]

If she was loyal and loved you, she would not have cheated on you. When someone cheats or does something wrong (moreso, when caught) they use any set of excuses to try and take some of the pressure off of them.

 

Your words are a bit difficult at this part for me to interpet...so if I get this wrong, let me know.

 

But if she had admitted her temptation with this other boy; then got drunk and went with him, then she should have known what she was getting into.

 

Anyway. If you love her, and believe she loves you and made a drunk stupid mistake...try and work it out. Take steps. Regain trust. She may not like being under the scope....Or leave her. Consider this: 10 months is not overly long, in the grand scheme of things. Compared to the turmoil that may follow with her and attempting a fix for this relationship.

 

Well...if I am wrong on the one part, my apologies. I'll wait and see.

[Buddhist]

Right I have the most loyal girlfriend

 

Apparently you don't.

 

Her friend told her then that the words that came out of her mouth, was I'm tempted to go with this boy but she was paralytic drunk and was the worst state of her life. And they did yes.

 

She's sounding less like the world's best girlfriend every minute.

 

She told me instantly at 12am and has been crying right now for 24 hours saying she doesn't know why she did this. (Blaming the alcohol obviously) but like we have been going with each other 10 months, and she absolutely loves me to bits and would never ever think of this, but it's happened, I'm so confused, I love her loads

 

She told you instantly to assuage her own guilt at making a ****ty decision and is trying very hard not to take responsibility for it.

 

Here's my advice.

 

- Turn off your phone, shove it under the mattress. Forget it exists for three days. If she tries to see you, do not allow it.

 

- Let your feelings come to the surface in that time. All of them, the anger, the rage, the sense of betrayal and yes okay the disappointment and tender feelings too. Right now, you are in shock and have no idea what you feel except that you are scared you're about to lose your girlfriend.

 

- On day four you will have a more realistic view of your relationship, your girlfriend and how you really feel. That's the time to make decisions, no sooner than that.

[bubbaganoosh]

Right She woke up this morning and said she remembers some lad being flirty and thinks he tried to kiss her

 

Her friend told her then that the words that came out of her mouth, was I'm tempted to go with this boy but she was paralytic drunk and was the worst state of her life. And they did yes.

 

OK first red flag was that they guy was being flirty and tried to kiss her so there was chance #1

 

She said she was tempted to go with this guy. Chance #2. Then she said yes. Chance #3.

 

There you have it. Now she wants to blame the booze. Got news for you. If the guy offered to give her an enema she would have gone with him so don't buy the excuse.

 

She probably found out one of her friends or someone she might have seen there that knows you and saw what was going on so she had to find an excuse. Let her go. She knew what she was doing and her excuse is feeble.

[Satu]

"I was drunk," is not accepted as a mitigating factor in law.

 

If it was, everybody would get drunk before a robbery, and get off lightly.

 

It's the weakest of weak excuses.

[thecrucible]

She woke up this morning and said she remembers some lad being flirty and thinks he tried to kiss her

 

There is probably more to it than she is letting on...

 

Her friend told her then that the words that came out of her mouth, was I'm tempted to go with this boy but she was paralytic drunk and was the worst state of her life. And they did yes. She told me instantly at 12am and has been crying right now for 24 hours saying she doesn't know why she did this. (Blaming the alcohol obviously) but like we have been going with each other 10 months, and she absolutely loves me to bits and would never ever think of this, but it's happened, I'm so confused, I love her loads

 

I disagree with one of the above posters. Alcohol is definitely a factor. I'm not saying it excuses what happened. She told you quickly so she is probably very remorseful. I believe she would be. You maybe need to take time to yourself to think about what to do than have a chat with her if you can stomach it. She seems very impulsive and has poor boundaries.

 

I actually did what she did to an ex boyfriend. It's the worst thing I have ever done in my entire life and there is no way I am doing that again. I can believe it that she made a mistake. However I think it suggests she's not as present in the relationship or something is missing for her deep down. Otherwise she would not have done it. She is insecure about something (again not trying to defend her). I don't think there is really any going back from this. It's something that should result in a break-up as it if not it will creep back up and feed distrust in the relationship.

[thecrucible]

She told you instantly to assuage her own guilt at making a ****ty decision and is trying very hard not to take responsibility for it.

 

Very observant. I agree with this 100%. To react that quickly is a less measured response and suggests instantly trying to make herself feel better/relieve the feeling of guilt. It does necessarily mean she is remorseful for the right reasons. And yeah instinctive reaction when guilty of something to try and explain your actions and why you would do something you wouldn't think yourself capable of doing unless you are completely twisted and really don't care.

[phineas]

unless the man dragged her unconscious body from wherever she was then raped her she wanted to sleep with him on some level.

 

I know plenty of women that were completely trashed with boyfriends or husbands that told guys hitting on them to F off.

 

As drunk as i've been, as much as a woman has thrown herself at me i've NEVER cheated.

 

but then, i'm a man that dumps a woman if i'm not happy.

other's just drag it out & look for excuses to cheat.

[leafguy]

As someone who has been cheated on both by the "get drunk and bang a random guy" and another who it went on 6 months bebind my back knowing full well what she was doing establishing an emotional bond, I can tell you from both, there is usually no going back. I think the accidental hook up is less severe (if you can gauge it) because there is no emotional attachment, but again, its apples and oranges.

 

I agree with the old adage that "once a cheater, always a cheater" because history tends to repeat itself. Once they cross that line once, they will do it again.

 

At the end of the day, she made the choice to drink and then the next choice to not reject his advances. I've been pretty damn drunk on numerous occasions in my 29 years, but I have never been so drunk that I could not make the smart decision.

 

If I am you, I do what a previous poster said and let things simmer for a bit and experience the swing of emotions. She also needs to experience some trauma if she loves you that much. Take 3 days, a week and don't talk to her. However long it takes you to process everything. Then when you feel like you can see her and talk to her without blowing up, then do so.

[TunaInTheBrine]

Right I have the most loyal girlfriend and not just me, my family, friends everyone thinks the world of her, she does everything going to help anyone, to cut things short to stop falling in love with her ok. She woke up this morning and said she remembers some lad being flirty and thinks he tried to kiss her

 

Her friend told her then that the words that came out of her mouth, was I'm tempted to go with this boy but she was paralytic drunk and was the worst state of her life. And they did yes. She told me instantly at 12am and has been crying right now for 24 hours saying she doesn't know why she did this. (Blaming the alcohol obviously) but like we have been going with each other 10 months, and she absolutely loves me to bits and would never ever think of this, but it's happened, I'm so confused, I love her loads

 

Alcohol can lower people's inhibitions, but it does not 'turn off' the moral center of the brain. People who commit murder while intoxicated were often planning the crime in advance, but needed alcohol to carry it out. Maybe your girlfriend didn't plan in advance to cheat, but she did cheat. She made a choice in a moment between you, and a stranger and her immediate desire. Believe me when I tell you it did cross her mind, and in that moment, she did not care or did not anticipate enough the emotional consequences of her behavior.

 

Whether you work through this with her or not is ultimately your choice. At the very least, I would urge her to get tested for all STIs at three weeks out and wait to resume sexual intimacy. If you don't feel this is something you are work through or feel the relationship is lacking in other areas as well, this may be a good time to reevaluate compatibility.

 

Personally, if this were me, I'd dump her.