jam.over.jelly Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 So, last night I went out on a date with a really cute guy (from Tinder, ok, don't judge lol). Anyhow, we talked briefly on the app then he asked me to meet almost right away, so I gave him my number pretty quickly so we could arrange time and place. We texted a bit. It was Tuesday when he asked me to meet up, and he suggested this past Friday but i couldn't because I had plans, so I suggested the next day, which was Saturday (yesterday). He didn't text me at all through out the week (Which i was happy because I had other guys that kept texting me everyday before we even met, and I found that annoying because they didn't have anything to talk about, yet they still texted). SO we had dinner at a lovely place. The moment I walked in I was very pleased to see him. He looked absolutely gorgeous. And to my surprise, he was really down to earth and chatty (which was not really the impression I had through text messages with him). So we had a great time talking to each other over dinner. (mostly joke around and made each other laugh). He then suggested we go somewhere else for drinks. The date continued at a different bar, and it was fun just talking and getting to know him, at least to me it was. Anyway, before the date even ended, he said "So this is a lot of fun, we should do this again soon. But you don't have to if you don't want to, of course". I told him "I'm having a lot of fun, so yes let's do it! Next time maybe I ll think of something active for us to do". I thought that was a good sign. So afterwards, he walked me to my car, gave me a hug, and once again he said "Hopefully we ll get to do this again soon, thanks for meeting up with me tonight". I thanked him and said I had fun too. So...normally the guy would text me the day after the date. But i haven't heard from him. Not sure if he just isn't a big texter or if there won't be a second date. I don't know, maybe I'm just overthinking it, but damn I'm pretty smitten by this one. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 (edited) He's not texting you because he wants you to react the exact same way as you have been doing. He's acting cool and waiting for you to reach out. Theres a rule between a lot of guys to let the girl reach out to you after the first date, then it's his job to set the next date. So message him and tell him how much fun you had and ask him how he is, if he's interested he will want to set another date. I'm a guy and this is how guys who know what they're doing try and do. From what you said he made all the signs clear that he wanted a 2nd date. So chill out. And text him. Edited October 4, 2015 by python23 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 He doesn't seem like the type that would play games (i could be wrong). I assume this because he seemed straight forward and suggested hanging out again on the date itself. As tempted as I am, I just don't feel comfortable reaching out to a guy first, ESPECIALLY after the first date. So I think I'm gonna wait it out. If he wanted to follow through with his offer, he knew where to find me. Fingers crossed! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SSM3 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 He doesn't seem like the type that would play games (i could be wrong). I assume this because he seemed straight forward and suggested hanging out again on the date itself. As tempted as I am, I just don't feel comfortable reaching out to a guy first, ESPECIALLY after the first date. So I think I'm gonna wait it out. If he wanted to follow through with his offer, he knew where to find me. Fingers crossed! He's still playing the dating game my love I do it too, and I'm a nice guy Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I'm going to disagree with the person above . To me she already thanked him in person on the date and said she had a great time so the ball is in his court to contact her. Please ignore me if this is full of crap but cynic in me says possibly not into anything serious just because of the going for drinks afterwards and guys have done that with me hoping for it to lead to some banging. Then the fact he said "So this is a lot of fun, we should do this again soon. But you don't have to if you don't want to, of course" sounds blase unless he is being very polite and modest about it. Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 He doesn't seem like the type that would play games (i could be wrong). I assume this because he seemed straight forward and suggested hanging out again on the date itself. As tempted as I am, I just don't feel comfortable reaching out to a guy first, ESPECIALLY after the first date. So I think I'm gonna wait it out. If he wanted to follow through with his offer, he knew where to find me. Fingers crossed! Look at it this way. You should be a glad a guy knows what he's doing and is trying to do things right with you, he's learnt not to chase and act needy and you should appreciate this. He may text you first over the next few days. If so he will probably arrange another date. But there's a good chance he's waiting for you to text him. Women are attracted to guys who's feelings are unclear. He won't want to come across as too interested. Most girls are put off by this. What he's doing is obviously working. When ever you do both talk let him arrange the next date, don't bring it up. If he doesn't arrange anything then it's quite clear that he's not looking for a 2nd date. I'm sure he will though, from what you've said about your first date anyway. Best of luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 I'm going to disagree with the person above . To me she already thanked him in person on the date and said she had a great time so the ball is in his court to contact her. Please ignore me if this is full of crap but cynic in me says possibly not into anything serious just because of the going for drinks afterwards and guys have done that with me hoping for it to lead to some banging. Then the fact he said "So this is a lot of fun, we should do this again soon. But you don't have to if you don't want to, of course" sounds blase unless he is being very polite and modest about it. If he were hoping that it would lead to some banging, I would think he'd be a bit more heavy on the touching and flirting, and probably would have asked if I wanted to come back to his place to hang out. But he was quite a gentleman the whole time. I don't know if he was genuine when he suggested hanging out again, but then I thought that if he didn't want to see me again, he really didn't have to keep suggesting it. But from my past experience, I have learned to just take their words as a grain of salt, their action always speaks louder. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 If he were hoping that it would lead to some banging, I would think he'd be a bit more heavy on the touching and flirting, and probably would have asked if I wanted to come back to his place to hang out. But he was quite a gentleman the whole time. I don't know if he was genuine when he suggested hanging out again, but then I thought that if he didn't want to see me again, he really didn't have to keep suggesting it. But from my past experience, I have learned to just take their words as a grain of salt, their action always speaks louder. Sorry I think I was projecting onto you . But you sound really streetwise and that you have a handle on it. It's nice that he was such a gentleman. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 You're right. Most guys will text you before you have a chance to contact them if they're interested. He hasn't. Since you're really interested and he hasn't reached out, there's no harm in texting him to thank him for a great date and to mention that you would like to see him again. You have nothing to lose. BTW, it wasn't clear. Who suggested planning a more active date? Was that you? Because if you did, you may have grabbed the ball and stuck it in your court. Don't offer to plan a next date unless you actually plan to do just that. If i misunderstood the OP, ignore this comment. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurra Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 You're right. Most guys will text you before you have a chance to contact them if they're interested. He hasn't. Since you're really interested and he hasn't reached out, there's no harm in texting him to thank him for a great date and to mention that you would like to see him again. You have nothing to lose. I agree with the above. After a good first date, I have said let's do this again (actually the last date I had, she said it, and I returned the sentiment). And I will text her the next day. In your case, I'd text him just for your peace of mind. If I wasn't into her, I won't say let's do this again. I don't say it if I don't mean it. If he's a decent guy, he's the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 So, last night I went out on a date with a really cute guy (from Tinder, ok, don't judge lol). Anyhow, we talked briefly on the app then he asked me to meet almost right away, so I gave him my number pretty quickly so we could arrange time and place. We texted a bit. It was Tuesday when he asked me to meet up, and he suggested this past Friday but i couldn't because I had plans, so I suggested the next day, which was Saturday (yesterday). He didn't text me at all through out the week (Which i was happy because I had other guys that kept texting me everyday before we even met, and I found that annoying because they didn't have anything to talk about, yet they still texted). SO we had dinner at a lovely place. The moment I walked in I was very pleased to see him. He looked absolutely gorgeous. And to my surprise, he was really down to earth and chatty (which was not really the impression I had through text messages with him). So we had a great time talking to each other over dinner. (mostly joke around and made each other laugh). He then suggested we go somewhere else for drinks. The date continued at a different bar, and it was fun just talking and getting to know him, at least to me it was. Anyway, before the date even ended, he said "So this is a lot of fun, we should do this again soon. But you don't have to if you don't want to, of course". I told him "I'm having a lot of fun, so yes let's do it! Next time maybe I ll think of something active for us to do". I thought that was a good sign. So afterwards, he walked me to my car, gave me a hug, and once again he said "Hopefully we ll get to do this again soon, thanks for meeting up with me tonight". I thanked him and said I had fun too. So...normally the guy would text me the day after the date. But i haven't heard from him. Not sure if he just isn't a big texter or if there won't be a second date. I don't know, maybe I'm just overthinking it, but damn I'm pretty smitten by this one. What do you think? With the bold quote above, I think you pretty much left it that you would reach out to set the next date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 You're right. Most guys will text you before you have a chance to contact them if they're interested. He hasn't. Since you're really interested and he hasn't reached out, there's no harm in texting him to thank him for a great date and to mention that you would like to see him again. You have nothing to lose. BTW, it wasn't clear. Who suggested planning a more active date? Was that you? Because if you did, you may have grabbed the ball and stuck it in your court. Don't offer to plan a next date unless you actually plan to do just that. If i misunderstood the OP, ignore this comment. Ah, I was the one suggesting planning an active date. I guess I just shot myself in the foot didnt i? Now if I reached out to him, I really wouldn't be able to gauge his interest. Well, you know what, I will leave it up to him. If he doesn't text me, I know he isn't that interested. Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 The last two men I've had relationships with said they wanted to do this again at the end of the date but didn't initiate text or phone contact afterwards. With both of them I was the one who sent a text first. They responded by immediately trying to set up a second date and from that moment on became very pro active at initiating further dates. But why do some men do this? Why can't they be the first to text after the first date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 The last two men I've had relationships with said they wanted to do this again at the end of the date but didn't initiate text or phone contact afterwards. With both of them I was the one who sent a text first. They responded by immediately trying to set up a second date and from that moment on became very pro active at initiating further dates. But why do some men do this? Why can't they be the first to text after the first date? I know right???? WHy can't they just make it easier for us women! I find myself tend to overthink it and scared of making a move when it comes to guys I really really like! Because I want to know if they really are interested or if they just say yes to go out with me because they're being nice. Ugh, such a dilemma. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I know right???? WHy can't they just make it easier for us women! I find myself tend to overthink it and scared of making a move when it comes to guys I really really like! Because I want to know if they really are interested or if they just say yes to go out with me because they're being nice. Ugh, such a dilemma. Where is the dilemma? Just text him if you want him so much what's the big deal? It ain't gonna hurt nobody is it? He won't say yes just to he nice. he isn't stupid Rather than posting all these stuff here you could have had 10 conversations with that guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 Where is the dilemma? Just text him if you want him so much what's the big deal? It ain't gonna hurt nobody is it? Rather than posting all these stuff here you could have had 10 conversations with that guy. But then I wouldn't know if he really was genuine when he said he wanted to see me again. I don't want to appear too eager. Plus, I definitely don't want to set the tone whereas I'd be the one having to chase him. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Ah, I was the one suggesting planning an active date. I guess I just shot myself in the foot didnt i? Now if I reached out to him, I really wouldn't be able to gauge his interest. Well, you know what, I will leave it up to him. If he doesn't text me, I know he isn't that interested. Wrong! Since you volunteered to plan the next date, if you now ignore him, most reasonable people would assume you've lost interest or were never interested. Besides, you indirectly criticized the first date he planned by claiming you wanted more active dates. Since you yanked the ball away from him, the way forward would be to plan this active date you promised him. See how he deals with it. If things go well on the date YOU plan, playfully but quite definitively put the ball back where it belongs...with him. You can't complain that guys don't take the initiative when YOU told him that YOU would take that role and you criticized the level of "activity" when he took the initiative at the outset. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) But then I wouldn't know if he really was genuine when he said he wanted to see me again. I don't want to appear too eager. Plus, I definitely don't want to set the tone whereas I'd be the one having to chase him. Well what if he wants to know if you are really genuine or not? What if he doesn't want to appear too eager? What if he doesn't want to set the tone that as well as making the dates he also has to initiate all the text messages? So we have a Mexican standoff. No wonder there are so many "failed" first date reports here. And in this case, the OP said she was going to plan the next date. So even if he isn't thinking one of these thoughts above, he probably is valid in waiting for her to tell him her plan. Edited October 5, 2015 by joseb Link to post Share on other sites
StocksnBlondes Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Call him and invite him on a hike or bike or an activity like you alluded to on your date. Then after that ...let him pursue a little. You've put it out into the universe ...you'll know if he's interested. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CalvinM Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 OP, you're clueless. You told him you would plan the next date and you're waiting for him to call. Smh. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 You are way overthinking this. You just said you don't like when guys text you daily and now you are upset when this guy is not texting you daily? IMO it sounds like the 2nd date is on you since you said YOU would think of something for you guys to do! So do that! I mean what is so difficult about gauging his interest...if he says YES, he is interested. If he waffles or says NO, he is not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 Ahhhh you are ALL right! I will text him later today. He mentioned he liked cars, and I happened to have tickets I bought a half year ago (still valid) to an automotive museum, I ll ask him if he wants to go with me this weekend. I ll keep you posted Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 Not to my surprise he never responded. I texted him 3 hours ago. Well, it was only one date. Better to know he's not interested now. Next! Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Not to my surprise he never responded. I texted him 3 hours ago. Well, it was only one date. Better to know he's not interested now. Next! He may be busy. Like everyone else said, don't over think things because it's only been one date! Maybe Just stop thinking at all haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 So he liked the moment I posted on tinder but didn't text me back. Men, no wonder why I hate them. Ugh Link to post Share on other sites
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