nmillar87 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I have been dating a guy for 6 months who in the first few weeks of dating said he was only looking for "casual". Our relationship has progressed significantly in this time and we now do all the normal couple stuff. Family dinners, social and work functions as a couple, sleeping in at the other persons house when they go to work. Etc. I found out a few days ago that he slept with his moms best friend once about 3 months ago. I was hurt so I decided the best thing to do was tell him I couldn't see him anymore. Since it was "casual" I didn't get angry or anything I simply said I didn't think we should see each other anymore and that my feelings were hurt. Since then he has been extremely apologetic. Saying that it never should have happened, it was a mistake and calling himself a c*nt and saying hes so so sorry. He has asked me to reconsider ending things with him. I have realised that I obviously have more than casual feelings for him but if he only sees me as casual then why is he apologising and saying he made a mistake and asking for a second chance? Am I being stupid thinking that he might feel more too? We had just recently (last 6 weeks) started making plans with each other to do things such as go on holidays/go to events months in advance which I thought was a no no for casual? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jacob_Duluoz Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Don't cut this guy a break. No dude just sleeps with his mothers best friend... Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Don't cut this guy a break. No dude just sleeps with his mothers best friend... Definitely a scenario best kept just for porn videos, not reality! lol But also guys who are sick and tired of getting hurt will say they only want casual. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelypearl Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 He slept with his mother's best friend. Sounds like he's pervert. Actually, he is just trying to do what a normal boyfriend would do when he's caught cheating. Forget about him. He is just using you as a filler girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 After 6 months, if you two haven't even at LEAST discussed sexual monogamy (for both your own safety), then this guy is a complete waste of your time. He's a selfish ass for screwing around and risking YOUR health. I'd dump his ass so fast I'd have to FedEx his shadow to him the next day. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Well you both are at fault. You just "assumed" it was monogamous without even discussing any ground rules, and he took advantage of it being called casual, so no harm, no foul to have sex with someone else. Clearly you both need to talk. Ask him where he stands, and what is he going to call this thing you both have. If you put it out there what you want, you just may get it. Link to post Share on other sites
FreyaT Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Where were you 3 months into the relationship when he slept with his mums best friend? Was it all couple like things then? Or has that just been a recent thing? Back then he may have had no feelings for you? He does sound like he does now planning into the future etc? I think it's easy to say at the beginning of the relationship it's just going to be this. But the heart has other ideas. Don't get me wrong, who sleeps with their mums best friend? Think about that regardless. I think if he wasn't interested he would let you go and find someone else that would be casual. But I just don't know if I could get past the sleeping with his mums best friend to be honest. 6 months in, and you don't love him, maybe look for someone that can love you. One with morals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nmillar87 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 I have had a fwb relationship for the past 6 months. It is the first time I have ever tried this kind of thing. I'm used to being in monogamous long term relationships however I had strong feelings for this man the second I met him so I figured I would see where it goes. Last week I found out he slept with someone else a few months ago. It hurt my feelings and so I ended my arrangement with him. Given the casual nature of our relationship I really thought that was the end. Since I called it off he has been super apologetic and told me it will never happen again ever. I've gone from hearing from him twice a week to now everyday and even though I have told him to stop apologising he's still making a lot of effort and still saying how sorry he is and that he has realised he wants to be with me but was specifically trying to avoid a relationship when we first met. I have strong feelings for this man but am I being a fool by trying again? Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 I have had a fwb relationship for the past 6 months. It is the first time I have ever tried this kind of thing. I'm used to being in monogamous long term relationships however I had strong feelings for this man the second I met him so I figured I would see where it goes. Last week I found out he slept with someone else a few months ago. It hurt my feelings and so I ended my arrangement with him. Given the casual nature of our relationship I really thought that was the end. Since I called it off he has been super apologetic and told me it will never happen again ever. I've gone from hearing from him twice a week to now everyday and even though I have told him to stop apologising he's still making a lot of effort and still saying how sorry he is and that he has realised he wants to be with me but was specifically trying to avoid a relationship when we first met. I have strong feelings for this man but am I being a fool by trying again? If neither of your discussed anything beyond FWB, then you can't really blame anyone for sleeping with someone else. Maybe he thought you already were doing that? If it's the first time you've discussed being monogamous, I'd say go for it. But be aware that it would be monogamous until you both decide it isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Omg no!!! Please please don't go back to him! Even if u go back to him, what do get from it? A fwb situation? When u obviously want more from him. It will just end up very messy and u will get hurt. Not to mention he slept with someone else while sleeping with u! He doesn't care about u. I'm sorry but u just need to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nmillar87 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 Omg no!!! Please please don't go back to him! Even if u go back to him, what do get from it? A fwb situation? When u obviously want more from him. It will just end up very messy and u will get hurt. Not to mention he slept with someone else while sleeping with u! He doesn't care about u. I'm sorry but u just need to walk away. No he is now saying he wants a monogamous relationship with me moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MovingOnIsHard Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 No he is now saying he wants a monogamous relationship with me moving forward. Hmmm...I would be more convinced if the situation was like this: you slept with someone else and he decides he wants a monogamous relationship with you after finding out. In my opinion, if he really wanted a monogamous relationship with you, he wouldn't have slept with someone else, right? He only said that after you decided you didnt want an fwb arrangement with him anymore. I think he will say anything to keep you in his bed. Dont go back to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 I don't see how he is the bad guy here. You two had a FWB arrangement. It was not an exclusive, monogamous relationship. You both were free to sleep with others, right? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Don't cut this guy a break. No dude just sleeps with his mothers best friend... What does this mean? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 OP I don't understand. If you two were FWB why are your feelings hurt that he slept with someone else? This is what FWBs relationships are like. You aren't exclusive. This guy has done nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 He and you were casually dating. He was a free agent until things become exclusive. I'd be more concerned about whether he put your health at risk. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 OP this happens all the time. One or the other starts to get feelings in a FWB. On the rare occasion you both catch feelings for each other, but are afraid to express them in fear of it ending. Now you both are taking it to the next level which is perfectly normal. Hope it works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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