Miscommunication

[curiousnycgirl]

I felt I needed to share this one with you folks. My b/f and I have been on the outs since thursday - and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

 

He came home from a 2 week vacation on the 2nd, and swung by to pick up his dog. He knew I was not pleased that he did a "drive by" after two weeks away - I was snippy - but otherwise all was fine. Monday I came home and had two voicemails from him - totally normal. Then suddenly he barely communicated at all. Wednesday and Thursday I initiated all communications - and he seemed quite terse. When I asked if he wanted to join me over the weekend - he said no and had a perfectly valid reason (the dog had just had surgery and wasn't doing well) - but he didn't ask me to join him, even though we generally spend weekends at his house.

 

By Friday evening I was very upset and confused - I had no idea what was going on. For some reason I then logged onto the web site where we met to check his profile. I swear in the entire 7 months we have been dating, I had not done this once! Sure enough his profile had been updated and it showed he had logged on the day before.

 

That was it, I was devastated and spent the weekend crying. I sent him an im simply saying that he had hurt me very badly, on sunday. He emailed me monday asking how and saying he certainly hadn't meant it. Per my therapists direction - I did not answer. Then he text messaged me last night asking if we were not going to talk anymore, could he at least know why. I broke and left him a voicemail saying yes we could talk.

 

Needless to say - I've still been crying.

 

Well this evening when I came home, he was sitting in my lobby waiting for me! Amazing since he lives over an hour away. He had been there for 1.5 hours, just waiting for me! We spoke and the whole thing was a total misunderstanding - who could believe it?

 

He was terse because I had been snippy (hafta admit I said something that he took very badly - and I can see why, although I didn't mean it that way). He didn't invite me to his house because he just assumed I would just invite myself and felt that I hadn't wanted to be with him (he actually wasn't sure if i had invited him, or just the dog, to join me - silly boy).

 

As far as the web site was concerned, he swore he hadn't been on since we met. Well I went to prove it to him - as the web site says when the person last logged on. Would you believe the web site showed him as being online at that moment? As he sat on my couch??!! Well he has had prior experiences with a hacker - so now we have to believe that's who was logged on.

 

Before he left he made sure we had plans arranged for this weekend - I feel so much better!

 

This whole thing just underscores the importance of COMMUNICATION. We both felt insulted and hurt and rather than asking what the other meant, we both went into our caves - how silly was that?

 

We still have our issues - but at least I am not sitting here crying!

 

Just thought I would share - in case it helps anyone else.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by curiousnycgirl

This whole thing just underscores the importance of COMMUNICATION. We both felt insulted and hurt and rather than asking what the other meant, we both went into our caves - how silly was that?

 

We still have our issues - but at least I am not sitting here crying!

 

Just thought I would share - in case it helps anyone else.

 

Few things will wreck a relationship faster than poor communication. It leasds to insecurities, & then off it goes.

 

Another point worth mentioning is how men are generally not prone to "reading between the lines" when their wives/ladyfriends say something.

 

If you tell him that it's OK if he goes to the Brewers game with his friends, then it's OK if he goes. He doesn't think "Is it really OK with her?" & will be confused & a little irritated if he comes home to find her sulking about him being away all day (It was a twi-night double header, after all!).

 

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If a man eats a pound of pasta & a pound of antipasti, do they cancel each other out. leaving the man still hungry?