He is still active on dating site

[le_20]

I met this guy on dating site last year around December and started dating since June,due to some reasons, he moved back permanently to his country in August.

 

He bought me flight ticket and I’ll visit him in October, he told me few times that he wants to see how things will heading to through my visit, as things were going great before he moved back to his country.He will also bring me to meet his best friend and parents. Back before his leaving,I already met his another good friend and other friends.

 

He is really a nice guy,caring,warm and gentleman,we read each other and have lots of thing in common,which i think he is a keep and want to develop a serious relationship with him, even now we are in long distance.

 

I feel guilty if i’m still seeing other persons,so had deleted my account 2 months ago. Since he is moody currently as he is not getting used to his new life, he started pulling away but still message me every 2-3 days. I always stay positive as i dont want to bring negative energy to us, and dont want to act needy.

 

today, out of curiosity, I visited the site and found his last active time is 6 days ago.(it's the day before I got my visitor visa to his country,planned to visit him in August but due to lack of document, my application has been denied and he provided me his financial documents for reapplication, he even told me that we will try until my application approved, thats what made me feel he is taking me seriously)

 

now.....BANG! Thunder stroke and I’m clueless……and even not sure if i should visit him in October....especially after all these hard work to get the visa,as I have tight schedule and currently working really hard so i can squeeze a 10 days trip to visit him in Oct.

 

 

Additional info, the dating site requires payment if you want to have chat and send messages to all members, standard members(without payment) can only view profile and reply to messages sent by paying members.

 

Back then he was paying member and now he is standard member.

[ExpatInItaly]

Ouch.

 

Sorry girl, but he's keeping his options open and seeing what else is out there.

 

Without plans to close the distance eventually, I don't see how this relationship will continue, especially if you're not an exclusive, established couple. (I assume you're not, based on your description)

 

The level of contact is already dropping between you two. LDRs require consistency and open communication, as well as commitment and transparency. As I assume he's not officially your boyfriend, he is free to date other women. If you're going to see him with serious intentions, I would very much re-consider.

 

Has your visa application been approved?

[le_20]

Ouch.

 

Sorry girl, but he's keeping his options open and seeing what else is out there.

 

Without plans to close the distance eventually, I don't see how this relationship will continue, especially if you're not an exclusive, established couple. (I assume you're not, based on your description)

 

The level of contact is already dropping between you two. LDRs require consistency and open communication, as well as commitment and transparency. As I assume he's not officially your boyfriend, he is free to date other women. If you're going to see him with serious intentions, I would very much re-consider.

 

Has your visa application been approved?

 

yes, got the visa. He told me that he wants to see how things would work out during my visit to his country, and back then, we both agreed that nothing is impossible, if things turn out great, we will see how to work things out.

 

as for our communication, we dont communicate everyday even when he tried to win me as we both are person who need our own space.

 

I'm not sure if its possible to establish a serious relationship. or should I visit him, give us a last shot,stay positive, always live the best version of myself and see what will turn out?

[Maggie4]

You started dating in June, and he moved back to his country in August. I think he had some idea he will be leaving when he dated you.

I don't think you checked on his dating site activity just out of curiosity. You did it because he started pulling away.

Looking online doesn't mean he's actively seeking. It's an ego boost when a woman contacts him, and the dating site will send him an email saying "such and so wants to meet you!"

Big question I have is: on that site, is he still looking for girls in your country, or is he now looking for girls in his country? Has he changed his location on his profile?

[le_20]

You started dating in June, and he moved back to his country in August. I think he had some idea he will be leaving when he dated you.

I don't think you checked on his dating site activity just out of curiosity. You did it because he started pulling away.

Looking online doesn't mean he's actively seeking. It's an ego boost when a woman contacts him, and the dating site will send him an email saying "such and so wants to meet you!"

Big question I have is: on that site, is he still looking for girls in your country, or is he now looking for girls in his country? Has he changed his location on his profile?

 

 

 

He used to go back to his "mancave" from time to time,especially when he is stressed or moody.So I'm used to his withdraw,because he won't withdraw too long and everytime he comes back, he will get back to the loving person who used to be.

 

I revisited the site because i thought everything is going great,he told me he wanted me to meet his best friend and his mum, he even sent me his mum pics.....since i had deleted my account few months ago,i thought maybe....at least...he hadnt been to the site for couple of weeks.....

 

Thats why it made me so shocked.

 

as for girls he is looking, i have no idea. All i know is he doesnt change and update anything on his profile.

[Maggie4]

Don't tell him you looked.

[joseb]

I always ask this question in this situation. So what happens when he checks your profile and sees you are online? Maybe he checked out of curiosity too to see what you are up to there. Maybe he had a thread here saying he is upset you are still online looking for guys.

[le_20]

I always ask this question in this situation. So what happens when he checks your profile and sees you are online? Maybe he checked out of curiosity too to see what you are up to there. Maybe he had a thread here saying he is upset you are still online looking for guys.

 

oh..i had deactivated my account, so my profile isn't on the site anymore.

[ExpatInItaly]

The big question is this: Are you having your needs met in this scenario? If you find out he is in fact dating other women, what are you going to do?

 

He's made no promises. He knew he was leaving sooner or later, which suggests that perhaps he kept a distance not because he was stressed but because he didn't know if there was a future there and he didn't want to commit. The same could well apply now.

 

I think when you visit, you need to initiate a conversation about how things are going and what he might see happening from here. Does he want to communicate more? Is he going to come and visit you? etc.

 

Does he intend to stay in his home country permanently now?

 

EDIT: I just reviewed your other threads. I assume this is the same man who waited around for his ex to come back, then ditched you as soon as she reached out? What's the current situation with this ex? I would be careful with this guy.

Edited September 5, 2015 by ExpatInItaly

[Vintage79]

This doesn't sound like a huge deal. He downgraded his account and he can't communicate with anyone and he last logged in a week ago...OP - you logged on more recently than him. If he was still a paying member I'd be more concerned. Just ask him to disable the profile if it bothers you. I disagree with those who say he is keeping his options open - he can't do anything with the non-paying account...

[joseb]

oh..i had deactivated my account, so my profile isn't on the site anymore.

 

Ah ok. So you dont have to have an account to view his profile?

[le_20]

The big question is this: Are you having your needs met in this scenario? If you find out he is in fact dating other women, what are you going to do?

 

He's made no promises. He knew he was leaving sooner or later, which suggests that perhaps he kept a distance not because he was stressed but because he didn't know if there was a future there and he didn't want to commit. The same could well apply now.

 

I think when you visit, you need to initiate a conversation about how things are going and what he might see happening from here. Does he want to communicate more? Is he going to come and visit you? etc.

 

Does he intend to stay in his home country permanently now?

 

EDIT: I just reviewed your other threads. I assume this is the same man who waited around for his ex to come back, then ditched you as soon as she reached out? What's the current situation with this ex? I would be careful with this guy.

Thanks I finally decided to stay positive, visit him and see what will happen. One month left til my visit so this is going to be the last wait for him.

 

If things turn out great, I'll initiate a conversation with him,such as how we work things out, how often we meet each other ( we are 12 hours apart)

If not, then finally i got my answer,at least I tried and did my best.

 

He intend to stay there permanently but so far i know him,never say never. His mind changes from day to day and he has no problem if he want to move to any country.

 

Thank you for your precious time reading my other posts, I really appreciate that! He didnt ditch me out as soon as his ex reached out, it took him 4 months to deliberate and i totally didnt know about that(but did sense his mood wasnt steady and trying to deal with particular issue).

 

At last he told me that "comes out of nowhere but still love my ex" and laid everything on the table. They broke up after 2 months and he said he will never ever go back to his ex, too disappointed because his ex is materialistic and spoiled.(She used his card to buy expensive stuff without his permission,although he had buy her a lot of stuff)

 

In June,while we started dating, his ex didnt want to break up and wanted to go to his place, he refused and didnt want to meet her. He was emotionally unstable, filled with anger,.He went for trip in July,during the trip,he told me that through the trip,he sees what he wants and what he doesnt want.... after the trip,he didnt mention about his ex anymore.

 

Our dates went so much better like rocket after he back from his trip.

[le_20]

This doesn't sound like a huge deal. He downgraded his account and he can't communicate with anyone and he last logged in a week ago...OP - you logged on more recently than him. If he was still a paying member I'd be more concerned. Just ask him to disable the profile if it bothers you. I disagree with those who say he is keeping his options open - he can't do anything with the non-paying account...

 

Thanks!!

Oh...i logged on after months,thats why i was shocked,because i think i trust him all these months.

Your post makes me feel better,really thank you!

[le_20]

Ah ok. So you dont have to have an account to view his profile?

 

yes, I dont have.

[Gary S]

Strike one: Still has a profile up after two months of dating.

 

Strike two: He's moody after dating for only two months? ............. and not only do you not live together, but he lives on the other side of the world? - That's way too moody to be a good catch.

 

Strike three: You don't need another problem, are't 1 and 2 enough?!

 

The good news is, it will be a lot easier to break up with him since he is so far away, you don't even have to look at this looser again.