garfish99 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I've been seeing this guy semi casually for 11 months. It seemed like things were starting to get more serious. But then we had an argument because of a misunderstanding. That had happened before, months ago, so maybe he's questioning things now. He takes a while to recover from arguments. So he took a few steps back. Didn't initiate plans for awhile. I gave him space and he seemed to bounce back a month ago. A week ago we had a wonderful sleepover. He kept finding excuses to hang out with me longer and longer on Sat. So it felt like things were back to normal. I used to sleep over 3x a week until his brother started crashing at his place and we had no privacy. He doesn't sleep well at mine so sleepovers became 1-2x a week. Then I went running with him Monday. He was teaching me proper running form but he seemed to be so into instructor mode that he didn't seemed to be in the mood to talk. I only saw him for an hour. He was exhausted. He knew I was going away Wed - Sun for work. Tues he wasn't busy, and didn't try to see me. Wed I told him I was leaving later than expected and suggested doing a little something. He said he had been dealing with a mild headache all day and needed to lay down. The thing is, I had a mild headache recently and I still wanted to see him. He knew I was back Sun and he didn't try to see me. Now it's Mon. I haven't initated plans because I initiated the last few, the last time being his headache. He's been sending good morning and goodnight gorgeous texts religiously as always. He asked about my day everyday I was gone. He tells me about his briefly. So should I: a) Stop initiating plans but continue to reply to his texts and see when/if he initiates 2) Stop replying to his texts and focus on moving on because clearly he's not interested anymore ? 3) Tell him "I noticed you haven't initiated plans in awhile, is something on your mind?" " or would that push him away further? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 With the details you gave I would do A. Good luck Ps if you are calling it "semi-casual" dating and feel too obligated without a commitment. You should date others unless you are exclusive. That solves both problems 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jacob_Duluoz Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Maybe he's just exhausted and actually had a headache without your identical reaction. Perhaps you should approach with some sympathy and understanding. He would likely appreciate that without you pushing him further away. Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 11 months, and it's still semi-casual?! Whoa!!!! You're a brave soul. I would never be able to waste my time, unless you really not looking for anything more from him 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author garfish99 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Maybe he's just exhausted and actually had a headache without your identical reaction. Perhaps you should approach with some sympathy and understanding. He would likely appreciate that without you pushing him further away. Oh, he has no idea I'm suspicious about his headache. I acted normal by asking if there's anything I can do. I can drive over Tylenol if needed. He declined sweetly. I don't want to assume it's an excuse but since he has not made no other efforts to see me, I can't help but wonder. When I went on vacation the last week of June, he was eager to see me the same night I got back. He called me every other night. Now he can go a week, no problem? We usually spent every weekend together even if it wasn't till Sunday night. And although he texts me morning and night, there is a noticeable drop. We usually text throughout the day as well. Feels like he's doing the bare minimum now. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Girl, just chill a little. You're at 11 months, that is not a brand-new relationship. I think at that point it's normal to really start seeing the "real" them; the one who's moody sometimes and tired, who gets a headache and really, really just wants to go lie down and not talk to anyone. I have been with my BF just shy of a year. I too have had to stop reading into every little mood swing, every little dip in contact or half-hearted response. I think that's par for the course as you progress into things. Also, "semi-casual?" Can you please explain what that means? Also, also, I find that sometimes guys need a little bit of distance after a bout of closeness. That push-pull thing. Let him rubber band a bit; DO NOT point out the fact that he hasn't been initiating. Just let things ride out for a little while. Give it another few days and see where things stand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 At 11 months you should be much further along. You seem to be like a FWB. I would just move on from him completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I've been seeing this guy semi casually for 11 months. It seemed like things were starting to get more serious. But then we had an argument because of a misunderstanding. That had happened before, months ago, so maybe he's questioning things now. He takes a while to recover from arguments. So he took a few steps back. Didn't initiate plans for awhile. I gave him space and he seemed to bounce back a month ago. A week ago we had a wonderful sleepover. He kept finding excuses to hang out with me longer and longer on Sat. So it felt like things were back to normal. I used to sleep over 3x a week until his brother started crashing at his place and we had no privacy. He doesn't sleep well at mine so sleepovers became 1-2x a week. Then I went running with him Monday. He was teaching me proper running form but he seemed to be so into instructor mode that he didn't seemed to be in the mood to talk. I only saw him for an hour. He was exhausted. He knew I was going away Wed - Sun for work. Tues he wasn't busy, and didn't try to see me. Wed I told him I was leaving later than expected and suggested doing a little something. He said he had been dealing with a mild headache all day and needed to lay down. The thing is, I had a mild headache recently and I still wanted to see him. He knew I was back Sun and he didn't try to see me. Now it's Mon. I haven't initated plans because I initiated the last few, the last time being his headache. He's been sending good morning and goodnight gorgeous texts religiously as always. He asked about my day everyday I was gone. He tells me about his briefly. So should I: a) Stop initiating plans but continue to reply to his texts and see when/if he initiates 2) Stop replying to his texts and focus on moving on because clearly he's not interested anymore ? 3) Tell him "I noticed you haven't initiated plans in awhile, is something on your mind?" " or would that push him away further? 11 months semi-casual? That is a nice way of saying you're allowing yourself to be strung along. Things seemed to be getting serious? What made you think that? Don't reach out to him first and don't question him when/if he contacts you. Have you two ever had a conversation about what you each wanted for yourselves? Have you ever defined the relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author garfish99 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Also, "semi-casual?" Can you please explain what that means? . I'm on sure what else to call it it's complicated. We were starting to get serious several months ago then we had a big argument because of a misunderstanding. He thought I was saying something offensive about his culture which wasn't my intention at all. And it blew up. Into a big argument. So we mutually agreed to make it a little more casual and see where things go since we weren't sure if we were compatible enough. . Also since I got out of a 10 year relationship a year ago and I figured why not take it slow again. It felt like past arguments were from me having unreasonable expectations- due to being fresh out of a long relationship. I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore honestly. I feel like I'm still getting over my long relationship. He suspects I'm not ready for a committed relationship and that I should consider dating around. Maybe he's right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author garfish99 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) Things seemed to be getting serious? What made you think that? Have you two ever had a conversation about what you each wanted for yourselves? Have you ever defined the relationship? We defined the relationship before an argument about cultural differences months ago. Then it seemed like things were getting serious because we were back to seeing eachother about every other day and taking weekend trips for the first time. And him initiating talks about the future, "WE should do this someday." Edited September 1, 2015 by garfish99 Link to post Share on other sites
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