First meet was 4.5 hours.

[henderson14]

So I've been doing online dating recently and the results have left me scratching my head and more skeptical and mistrusting of "good dates." I've met many girls who the dates and convos went well, compliment me, appear interested, play with their hair, dates go long, and even said they wanted to go out again, only to not have them respond again or tell me they didn't feel the connection.

 

Anyways, I just had a first date for brunch with a girl that lasted 4.5 hours (she is type A though)! She seemed interested and I asked her out after the date and she gave me a maybe for a specific day. But even after this, I don't trust that she will want to go out again.

 

1. What was going on with my previous dates?

2. Does it sound pretty certain that this new girl is interested in me?

[fitnessfan365]

Getting a "maybe" is never a great sign. It's a lot like sales where interested people say yes when asked, and flakes say they'll "think about it".

 

I think one factor w-OLD is women have so many options. So it's constantly wondering if the grass is greener. They probably did enjoy your company on the dates. But since they're always getting a ton of emails, going out w-different guys, etc they probably just met someone they liked a bit better. This also plays back into the "maybe". It's like she's saying she wants to consider all her options before definitely committing. However, in my opinion it's never a good idea to settle for lukewarm. Your dating life will get much better when you only deal w-definite interest. In the future if a woman tells you maybe, you should say "I'm a busy guy and only commit to definite plans. So if you're interested in seeing me again, great. If not, good luck to you". Don't be afraid to be firm and value your time.

 

With that said, one piece of advice I do have is start scheduling first dates/meets on weeknights @ 8 or 9pm. This keeps them shorter, leaves a woman wanting more, and you don't look overly available happily giving up 5hrs of your Saturday.

[henderson14]

Getting a "maybe" is never a great sign. It's a lot like sales where interested people say yes when asked, and flakes say they'll "think about it".

 

I think one factor w-OLD is women have so many options. So it's constantly wondering if the grass is greener. They probably did enjoy your company on the dates. But since they're always getting a ton of emails, going out w-different guys, etc they probably just met someone they liked a bit better. This also plays back into the "maybe". It's like she's saying she wants to consider all her options before definitely committing. However, in my opinion it's never a good idea to settle for lukewarm. Your dating life will get much better when you only deal w-definite interest. In the future if a woman tells you maybe, you should say "I'm a busy guy and only commit to definite plans. So if you're interested in seeing me again, great. If not, good luck to you". Don't be afraid to be firm and value your time.

 

With that said, one piece of advice I do have is start scheduling first dates/meets on weeknights @ 8 or 9pm. This keeps them shorter, leaves a woman wanting more, and you don't look overly available happily giving up 5hrs of your Saturday.

 

Well it was a maybe because she has something else going on that day and is busy the rest of the week. It was hard to even find a time to meet this week and she initiated contact and asked me out. She said she DID want to go out again, but next week would be hard. So I got a maybe for next week.

Edited August 30, 2015 by henderson14

[fitnessfan365]

Well it was a maybe because she has something else going on that day and is busy the rest of the week. It was hard to even find a time to meet this week and she initiated contact and asked me out. She said she DID want to go out again, but next week would be hard. So I got a maybe for next week.

 

This is all speculation in my part. But for what it's worth, this is my opinion.

 

1) She claims that it was hard to even find time to meet in the first place. Yet she was able to spend 5hrs with you? If anything, that strikes me as a woman with more free time than she's letting on.

 

2) What she says - "I'd like to go out again" is not matching up w-her actions - being non committal w-a maybe. If she wanted to see you again, wouldn't it stem to reason that she'd find time in her "busy" schedule just like she did before? More often than not, women tend to be polite and less direct. So it's far more likely she'd say she wanted to go out again to your face to avoid awkwardness and follow up with a "maybe" about getting together, than give you a flat out rejection. Especially since she just spent 5hrs with you.

[steve10498]

In my opinion, without knowing any of your dating details, I think its a mistake to even ask someone out at the end of the first date when it comes to the online dating world. The first date is supposed to be a no-pressure situation. It's supposed to be easy for both parties to walk away if it doesn't go well. When a guy lays on a second date request immediately at the end of the first date, there is a high probability that some of these women will simply feel too pressured and may feel turned off or start to second guess. Maybe that pressure comes from assuming that he doesn't have any other date options and that she's his only option? Most of these women have multiple dates lined up or could have multiple dates if they wanted. Guys have far less. Patience is virtue.

 

It sounds like there is a pattern with your dating in the sense that you are not getting second dates. I would would try something different, as the saying might apply "doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is the definition of insanity" .

 

Don't ask for a second date. Instead ask for a phone number. If you already have the number, then just tell her you had a great time and say goodbye. Then send her a message or a phone call in the next day or two and see if you can strike up a conversation or be playful. If it the good vibes are still happening, then ask for a second date.

[henderson14]

This is all speculation in my part. But for what it's worth, this is my opinion.

 

1) She claims that it was hard to even find time to meet in the first place. Yet she was able to spend 5hrs with you? If anything, that strikes me as a woman with more free time than she's letting on.

 

2) What she says - "I'd like to go out again" is not matching up w-her actions - being non committal w-a maybe. If she wanted to see you again, wouldn't it stem to reason that she'd find time in her "busy" schedule just like she did before? More often than not, women tend to be polite and less direct. So it's far more likely she'd say she wanted to go out again to your face to avoid awkwardness and follow up with a "maybe" about getting together, than give you a flat out rejection. Especially since she just spent 5hrs with you.

 

All good points. She said starting last weekend it would be hard to meet so we finally found time today a week later and today actually ran into her other plans with her friend which she missed to stay over.

 

Point number 2 is good though. I guess I'll find out soon enough how she feels.

[guest569]

With that said, one piece of advice I do have is start scheduling first dates/meets on weeknights @ 8 or 9pm.

 

Really? I would refuse to meet a man at that hour, there's no-one around and really, not much point. I've only had 2 first dates where I thought 'wow, this sux' and still allowed a bit of time to try to get to know them. I've had a few first dates last many hours before because we just couldn't shut up or found some activity to do.

 

Whilst that seems like a good sign, a follow up is never a guarantee even if you think it went well.. follow up with the 'maybe' day and schedule something and see what happens, that's all you can do.

[bmh]

All good points. She said starting last weekend it would be hard to meet so we finally found time today a week later and today actually ran into her other plans with her friend which she missed to stay over.

 

Point number 2 is good though. I guess I'll find out soon enough how she feels.

 

I feel like her "hard to meet" comment was because she was still on the fence about if she actually wanted to meet you. But because she told you ahead of time of her busy busy schedule she can decline offers or say "maybe" and have you not take it personal.... Which you aren't because you are still stuck on "she said she would be busy" sure she said that, but I highly doubt she meant it. I'm a single mother working over 40 hours a week, I still find time if interested.

[henderson14]

In my opinion, without knowing any of your dating details, I think its a mistake to even ask someone out at the end of the first date when it comes to the online dating world. The first date is supposed to be a no-pressure situation. It's supposed to be easy for both parties to walk away if it doesn't go well. When a guy lays on a second date request immediately at the end of the first date, there is a high probability that some of these women will simply feel too pressured and may feel turned off or start to second guess. Maybe that pressure comes from assuming that he doesn't have any other date options and that she's his only option? Most of these women have multiple dates lined up or could have multiple dates if they wanted. Guys have far less. Patience is virtue.

 

It sounds like there is a pattern with your dating in the sense that you are not getting second dates. I would would try something different, as the saying might apply "doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is the definition of insanity" .

 

Don't ask for a second date. Instead ask for a phone number. If you already have the number, then just tell her you had a great time and say goodbye. Then send her a message or a phone call in the next day or two and see if you can strike up a conversation or be playful. If it the good vibes are still happening, then ask for a second date.

 

I really doubt it matters when you ask for a date. If she likes you she will go out with you again no matter when you ask. I've often heard women like it when you ask at the end of a first date. You never know.

[henderson14]

I feel like her "hard to meet" comment was because she was still on the fence about if she actually wanted to meet you. But because she told you ahead of time of her busy busy schedule she can decline offers or say "maybe" and have you not take it personal.... Which you aren't because you are still stuck on "she said she would be busy" sure she said that, but I highly doubt she meant it. I'm a single mother working over 40 hours a week, I still find time if interested.

 

Ya but she initiated contact and asked me out that same night that we made plans to meet, so she couldn't have been on the fence.

[henderson14]

I JUST got a post date text thanking me and affirming interest in another date. Crisis averted.

 

Still good posts that make a lot of sense though. I know they probably applied to many of my past online dates that didn't work out.

[fitnessfan365]

In my opinion, without knowing any of your dating details, I think its a mistake to even ask someone out at the end of the first date when it comes to the online dating world. The first date is supposed to be a no-pressure situation. It's supposed to be easy for both parties to walk away if it doesn't go well. When a guy lays on a second date request immediately at the end of the first date, there is a high probability that some of these women will simply feel too pressured and may feel turned off or start to second guess.

 

It sounds like there is a pattern with your dating in the sense that you are not getting second dates. I would would try something different, as the saying might apply "doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is the definition of insanity" .

 

Don't ask for a second date. Instead ask for a phone number. If you already have the number, then just tell her you had a great time and say goodbye. Then send her a message or a phone call in the next day or two and see if you can strike up a conversation or be playful. If it the good vibes are still happening, then ask for a second date.

 

That's two good posts I've seen from you. I've always been against making plans at the end of a first date. If the date goes well and there is attraction, I show interest by going for a kiss. Assuming it's reciprocated and goes well, wanting a second date is pretty obvious. So I'll simply say "Looking forward to doing this again". Then you follow up you want and make plans for the next date. As you say, trying to put a woman on the spot and make plans right then and there seems a bit needy and anxious. A guy who dates regularly and has success w-women will be confident that he'll see her again and she'll take his call. Plus, it is a person you just met. So it's always nice to give a bit of time to adjust and reflect on the date. A woman thinking about you only helps.

 

Also, I've always loved the line "Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly expecting a different result".

 

But I'd NEVER do an online first date/meet w/o talking on the phone first. I'd rather find out through a bad call that it wouldn't work than waste time on a bad date I never should've had. So I've never agreed with not exchanging numbers until the end of the first date/meet.

Edited August 30, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[Ami1uwant]

So I've been doing online dating recently and the results have left me scratching my head and more skeptical and mistrusting of "good dates." I've met many girls who the dates and convos went well, compliment me, appear interested, play with their hair, dates go long, and even said they wanted to go out again, only to not have them respond again or tell me they didn't feel the connection.

 

Anyways, I just had a first date for brunch with a girl that lasted 4.5 hours (she is type A though)! She seemed interested and I asked her out after the date and she gave me a maybe for a specific day. But even after this, I don't trust that she will want to go out again.

 

1. What was going on with my previous dates?

2. Does it sound pretty certain that this new girl is interested in me?

 

Know this feeling all to well over my time of dating...

 

Why foes thus happen...

 

1. They are looking for fault in you and not looking at the positives

2. Don't ever assume you are the only one she is dating. If she is dating another person and she thinks he's better guess who wins.

3. They like you but aren't that into you.

4. Maybe the expected something from at the end of the date like a kiss and didn't get one do they read it as you aren't interested

5. Maybe you are sending messages that says you aren't interested in them or your personality on a date comes off as arrogant, cocky, or being a jerk.

 

There could be others.

 

In your dating have you thought about doing something different.