RainbowKitty Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I've been with my bf for a while now and still wondering why I haven't meet his family. He had met mine earlier in the relationship but his family and two children from a failed marriage I have never seen. I had to go behind his back to even see what his kids look like. I have asked why haven't I been invited to see his kids and he won't tell me the truth so I am left to wonder what the reason is (race, he's ashamed, they don't want to meet me, the mother told him not too). His relationship with his ex is TERRIBLE on a good day and plays games with him seeing them and has said "I barely get to see them" when asked why haven't we met? Every so often one of his sisters for a dinner or something and he tell me about it but never extends the invite. Not even in casual conversation has he ever said I can't wait until you meet so and so. I know he is not cheating and visiting them but I feel so left out. He ex screwed him over royally so I wonder is he afraid to introduce someone, is there a race issue, is it a religious/cultural difference???? When he goes and see's these people I get very upset because I feel left out, excluded, something to be ashamed of. I have never asked can I go too because I feel he should initiate that. When he goes I get upset and he doesn't get why I'm mad. I would feel stupid to say I'm upset because you didn't invite me (even though that is what I want...if I go is another deal). I'm African American and he is Lebanese American. I'm not sure if his family would not be into seeing me or is this division all him. He wants to tell me about these people but to meet seems like it will never happen. I doubt he knows how this is important to me and how I feel. I want him to see his family and kids but include me since I'm the gf. He live with me so I'm pretty sure he has mentioned me to them (not 100% certain though). Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 You missed the most important. 1. How long have you been dating? 2. How long has he been divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 He live with me so I'm pretty sure he has mentioned me to them (not 100% certain though). OH sweetie I've missed this part !! no no no no. Why in the world did you let this man move in with you without having met his kids and family?? I thought you were just dating !!! It's not cultural I can assure you. You got yourself one heck of a player who's taking advantage of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 It seems weird that he would keep you from them after you are living together. I wonder if they are religious and want him to be with somebody of their own religious background. I know that in certain parts of the Jewish community, there is pressure to only get involved with other Jews. When somebody dates a person who's black, it becomes even more of a problem. Not only are they not Jewish, but it's obvious just by looking at them. It seems likely that the same thing would happen in a Muslim community. I don't see how your relationship can progress if he will never be able to introduce you to his family. It sounds as though he doesn't view you as future wife material. You really need to force a conversation with him about this issue. If he won't be honest with you, then you should take that as a sign that nothing is going to change. It may be better to move on if it comes to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Jacob_Duluoz Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 It seems weird that he would keep you from them after you are living together. I wonder if they are religious and want him to be with somebody of their own religious background. I know that in certain parts of the Jewish community, there is pressure to only get involved with other Jews. When somebody dates a person who's black, it becomes even more of a problem. Not only are they not Jewish, but it's obvious just by looking at them. It seems likely that the same thing would happen in a Muslim community. I don't see how your relationship can progress if he will never be able to introduce you to his family. It sounds as though he doesn't view you as future wife material. You really need to force a conversation with him about this issue. If he won't be honest with you, then you should take that as a sign that nothing is going to change. It may be better to move on if it comes to that. That's true of all types of ethnic communities, not just Jews. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RainbowKitty Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 You missed the most important. 1. How long have you been dating? 2. How long has he been divorced? We've been dating for a year and a half. He has been divorced for 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 When he goes I get upset and he doesn't get why I'm mad. I would feel stupid to say I'm upset because you didn't invite me (even though that is what I want...if I go is another deal). I'm African American and he is Lebanese American. I'm not sure if his family would not be into seeing me or is this division all him. He wants to tell me about these people but to meet seems like it will never happen. I doubt he knows how this is important to me and how I feel. I want him to see his family and kids but include me since I'm the gf. He live with me so I'm pretty sure he has mentioned me to them (not 100% certain though). I think he is ashamed of being involved with an AAW and is hiding it from his folks. It doesn't seem that you have expressed to him how you feel about this. You need to tell him how this makes you feel and if it doesn't improve I would break up with him. You don't want a boyfriend who is ashamed of you, do you? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 This may have something to do with it. In Lebanon - Black is not thought beautiful | The Economist Also. Racism reigns in Lebanon: ?But you don?t look Lebanese? | Al Akhbar English In a country (Lebanon) where racial classifications create social hierarchies that assert the superiority of white skin and Caucasian features, and the inferiority of “black” skin and Asian features, interracial and interethnic couples in Lebanon are abhorred, stigmatized and socially ostracised. You are also living together, that may not be seen as acceptable to his family either. Link to post Share on other sites
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