Sweet Workaholic Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 We're adults in a part time MBA program. I've talked to her several times at our every 4th weekend on campus.I know her fairly well & do like her as a person (and a crush) I started asking her out a month ago by email. Twice so far, both to specific events (museum & concert) She says ' I can't - wish I were free' and almost always includes ? Quite sweet tone in emails But doesn't say 'Another time?' And doesn't initiate emails. I plan to ask her out once more & if she says no, then say something like 'Well I'd love to hang out but am not doing well at picking the occasion. If you'd like to get together perhaps you can suggest something ..." Id like to cut the cord and move on but leave the door at least ajar - in case she feels differently in 6 months Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweet Workaholic Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 I do welcome any advice - it is hard to think logically about a crush :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 She is not interested. Just move on and don't leave a door open that will make you look desperate. If she wants to see you one day she'll have the job of opening that door herself. Don't worry, women know how to re-open doors when they change their mind about a man. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Unfortunately, she's not interested in dating you. You're classmates who have to see each other on a regular if infrequent basis. Plus you may end up having to work together on school projects, etc. She's trying to keep things from getting awkward when you have to see each other in person. I would stop asking het out. If you want to leave the door open, that's fine. But don't ask her out again. She's sent a clear, consistent, but friendly message, saying no on the dating front. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweet Workaholic Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thank you both, very helpful. I'm always surprised by how little perspective I have when I have a crush lol Thanks for lending me yours :-) Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Do you know whether she has a boyfriend? She's not encouraging you at all so I'd say give it a pass and move on and find someone who is responsive to your approaches. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweet Workaholic Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 That I know of. We've talked many times so she could easily have said 'This weekend my bf and I ...." If she has one, she's definitely been a flake by not letting me know .... lol I probably made it sound like she has shown no interest at all. She often touches my arm when we talk, says unnecessarily sweet things when we talk .... there's definitely at least some low-level flirtation on her side. Which is why I titled it 'mixed signals.' Of course, if someone consistently gives mixed signals that reflects some unresolved in her or her personality. Which is why I think you are all right - the best strategy is not to try and figure it out but to forget it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Jacob_Duluoz Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 How much longer are you likely to be in the same classes? Forget the concert and the museum at this point (too much pressure), you need to first get to the coffee or a drink stage and get more of a sense where she's at and then up the flirtation if you hit it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 We're adults in a part time MBA program. I've talked to her several times at our every 4th weekend on campus.I know her fairly well & do like her as a person (and a crush) I started asking her out a month ago by email. Twice so far, both to specific events (museum & concert) She says ' I can't - wish I were free' and almost always includes ? Quite sweet tone in emails But doesn't say 'Another time?' And doesn't initiate emails. I plan to ask her out once more & if she says no, then say something like 'Well I'd love to hang out but am not doing well at picking the occasion. If you'd like to get together perhaps you can suggest something ..." Id like to cut the cord and move on but leave the door at least ajar - in case she feels differently in 6 months I agree they are mixed signals. Why would she say: "i wish I were free"? Listen, I wouldn't just believe the other negative things you are hearing here. It IS mixed. For your peace of mind, ask out one last time in the exact wording you have said here, EXCEPT don't say perhaps you can suggest "something", say perhaps you can suggest "a good time for your schedule". Ask in person so you can also gauge her body language. It's easy to reject by email and it makes you look like a wuss for asking that way when you see her so often anyway. Try to build up to some flirting before you ask. Be confident, it's your best weapon. I'd even venture to say a little cocky. Both with you and there is some other guy having a similar problem (and has been in the past), sometimes I think the real problem is enough of an attraction that's what you are picking up on but you dance around it too timidly which seems insecure or putting a girl on a pedestal. For a lot of girls that is going to be a turn off---not in general, at first they probably had some interest. I think with where you are on the spectrum, you can probably be a little cocky and have it benefit you. Be cautious don't get it wrong and be a obnoxious, bragging or rude. Cocky is confident, and assured. Flirtatious and bold. Do it in the way that is within your realm. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Asking her an open-ended question that requires a more direct response should get you a more definitive answer, but in your shoes I wouldn't get my hopes too high. She didn't open the door further by saying, "maybe another time," etc. People use emoji in email and text to convey tone, and I can see where the one she sent you caused mixed signals. Also, some ppl are more touchy, feely type ppl, and they do so w/o intending to insinuate a non-verbal message. You know the situation, we don't, but I get the impression she's a sweet, gentle soul who doesn't want to hurt your feelings by flat out rejecting your offers. The one way to find out for sure is to do as you suggested and let the chips fall where they may. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweet Workaholic Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 [quote=Methodical You know the situation, we don't, but I get the impression she's a sweet, gentle soul who doesn't want to hurt your feelings by flat out rejecting your offers. The one way to find out for sure is to do as you suggested and let the chips fall where they may. Good luck. As I think through the answers and reflect on our interactions my intuition is that Methodical is probably right. I don't see a huge downside to one face-to-face ask that calls the question a little more clearly. I have worked with her a fair bit and I know she is a good person, so I don't see anything horrible coming out of that except "no thank you," and I can handle a "no thank you." To some of the points made here, she did say, to both invites, "I really wish I could" and on one occasion "So nice to be talking with you outside of class." We've emailed and texted a fair bit and that has been very engaging, lots of humor and just funny chat. Never any sense that she is trying to let the convo die or that it's uncomfortable. I think though that Methodical is probably right - she's saying 'no' but trying to be gentle about it lol. I'll ask once face to face (confidently! lol) and then move on. All very helpful, peeps, thanks to you all. Link to post Share on other sites
AlurOne Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Might seem a little corny but the kissy face emoji is a mixed signal in itself. Link to post Share on other sites
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