RachyB Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Okay. To cut a long story short, the cousin of a work mate has been coming in to work (I work in a shop) for the past year or so and chatting me up. I had a few reservations as he is younger than me (22 and I am 24) but eventually I gave him my number. He waited a few days to text me, but he did, and initially things were going well but then he just stopped communication. WELL. After awhile I sent him a text that said "you know I just have to say that for a guy who comes in to work and talks so much, you don't text much, just an observation." He responded with "look I'm a really hopeless communicator when it comes to technology. I'm not making excuses but that's how it is. Would you like to go for a coffee this afternoon? I don't have any intentions besides getting to know you. I may come across headstrong but I'm just looking for someone to relate to. So come for a coffee and don't hold it against me." Now I was not free that afternoon, but I did go for coffee with him three days later. He texted me every day up until that point and the coffee date went well! We had a LOT to talk about and he kissed me. The only red flag for me was that he did talk about sex a LOT. Anyway, on that date he asked me whether I wanted to go for a drink the next night (last night) so I said sure. We did make plans for a specific place, but did not make a time and he made it sound as he was going to come and pick me up so we could go there together. I didn't hear from him all day or last night so the date did not happen. I didn't bother texting because I felt sick anyway and did not want to seem desperate. I just do not understand? What is this guys deal? I know he does not want to jump straight into a relationship (fine) but he seemed really interested in seeing me again and now this! He is gorgeous, we have a lot in common and to be honest I am a little disappointed. Advice, please? Even from the male mind! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Not a male mind here, but this is my take: He's not overly interested, and he's a poor communicator. If he asked you to get a drink then didn't bother following up at all, he's not worth the time. You mentioned that it sounded like he would pick you up - what did he say in the regard, specifically? Him talking a lot about sex over coffee would be a turn-off to me. You barely know this guy and that is the topic of conversation he chooses? No thanks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RachyB Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 He was all like "oh I can even pick you and drive you home or you can stay on my lounge." Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 No doubt! Golly, I wonder what he had planned after drinks and taking you home? The erratic behavior, with lots of attention/communication alternating with disappearing? The focus on sex talk on the first date? The drinking then heading back to yours or his? The blow-off? Yeah, unfortunately a more appealing option was brewing and probably came through at the last minute. If you're looking to date or for a relationship, this won't be it. If you're just looking to hook up with HAWT eye candy, it sounds like he'll be that guy. But don't be surprised if he falls off the face of the earth afterwards. He's already set your expectations with his behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 "Grabbing a drink" can be code for casual sex in a lot of social circles. So that combined w-how much he talks about sex, means he is probably just looking to hook up. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Workaholic Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 You'll kill yourself trying to understand why someone behaves erratically. Here's my mantra, which I chant if I start trying to figure someone like this out "There's never a logical reason for someone behaving illogically." If he acts erratically (and it's not a one-time thing) then he's an erratic person. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I have had this happen to me HEAPS. Like...heaps of times. He definately isn't that into you. If would be asking you out for romantic dates lol if he really fancied you. Men make it loud and clear when they fancy you. They don't mention plans that they don't follow through on. He obviously likes you well enough to casual date and have sex with though. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 All he wants is to have sex with you. Red flag from the coffee date. If he was really interested in you he'd be romancing you. Doesn't matter how gorgeous he is, he has an agenda - and that's to have sex with you. Nothing more. And nothing will come of it. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Long story short: This guy isn't into you. I mean, maybe he thinks you're cool, but that's about it. Hot and cold is never a sign of someone interested in YOU. It's a sign of someone dangling JUSTENOUGH carrots to keep you in his general vicinity but nothing more than that. Absolutely guaranteed he's talking to a whole mess of other women. Your line of: "I know he does not want to jump straight into a relationship..." really made me laugh. :lmao: Not only does he NOT want to jump straight into a relationship, he doesn't want to jump into a relationship, PERIOD. This guy screams "casual" and nothing more. You can keep hanging with this guy, but if you're looking for an actual relationship, you're not going to get it outta this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Okay. To cut a long story short, the cousin of a work mate has been coming in to work (I work in a shop) for the past year or so and chatting me up. I had a few reservations as he is younger than me (22 and I am 24) but eventually I gave him my number. He waited a few days to text me, but he did, and initially things were going well but then he just stopped communication. WELL. After awhile I sent him a text that said "you know I just have to say that for a guy who comes in to work and talks so much, you don't text much, just an observation." He responded with "look I'm a really hopeless communicator when it comes to technology. I'm not making excuses but that's how it is. Would you like to go for a coffee this afternoon? I don't have any intentions besides getting to know you. I may come across headstrong but I'm just looking for someone to relate to. So come for a coffee and don't hold it against me." Now I was not free that afternoon, but I did go for coffee with him three days later. He texted me every day up until that point and the coffee date went well! We had a LOT to talk about and he kissed me. The only red flag for me was that he did talk about sex a LOT. Anyway, on that date he asked me whether I wanted to go for a drink the next night (last night) so I said sure. We did make plans for a specific place, but did not make a time and he made it sound as he was going to come and pick me up so we could go there together. I didn't hear from him all day or last night so the date did not happen. I didn't bother texting because I felt sick anyway and did not want to seem desperate. I just do not understand? What is this guys deal? I know he does not want to jump straight into a relationship (fine) but he seemed really interested in seeing me again and now this! He is gorgeous, we have a lot in common and to be honest I am a little disappointed. Advice, please? Even from the male mind! Read the undertone/between the lines of what he said to you about texting and communicating: TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. He is already telling you he's got other options and if you want contact with him this is how it will be. Ugh, a warning will typically will mean he will continue to give you less and less. Seeing what he can get away with. When he said that comment, you should have said, Oh i understand now, guess I will see you if/when you come into the shop. You don't accept the warning (i'm gonna give you as little as I can get away with) and accept the date. You send him back to square one and make him start over. Just saying. Also now for sure he has categorized you as "good time only". That's why he was out of line with the sex talk on your first date. A guy who was into you would not risk offending you or scaring you off with talk like that. They would want to impress you with their characteristics. You should have acted not impressed with the sex talk and again send him back to square one like you need to do better to get my attention. Then he would have probably tried to be a sweet, good guy. Even if it's a little false at this point. He knows you're not one to mess about and will start to give better to you. THIS is when a guy can see you as gf material. He already thinks you're desperate. Glad you didn't text him about the other date. Send him back to square one and make him start over (with your actions) IF you still want to date him. Maybe he blew it with you. Idk, think about that part. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 (edited) It's Game. Run for your life unless you want a booty call. Edited August 16, 2015 by anduina Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts