nadine5 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Are you guys familiar with this? A guy friend told me the other day that I had ugly duckling syndrome. When I asked him what this meant, he told me that because I was "not cute" (he put it kindly) in high school and turned "hot", that I still have the ugly mentality and it makes me a pleasant person to be around. On the other hand, I have a cousin who used to be very beautiful in high school and she has gained 100+ pounds since. She is still cocky and full of herself. He explained that this is reverse ugly duckling syndrome. Have you guys found that this is an actual "thing"? Also, how would you feel if you found out the good-looking person that you have been dating was very unattractive or overweight when they were a kid/teenager? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Past is past, I focus on the present and look to the future. Your physical appearance doesn't mean anything to me. Your personality is what I'm communicating with, our exterior is just our vessel. That said I'm certain what you talk about is totally a thing for some people. We all imagine and believe in different things, so in that way, there are are an unlimited amount of ways people will perceive you, as well as what they will associate you with, for better or worse. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Have you guys found that this is an actual "thing"? Also, how would you feel if you found out the good-looking person that you have been dating was very unattractive or overweight when they were a kid/teenager? The self-image you develop during your formative years can be very deeply ingrained. I think it would be a coin flip -- upon suddenly becoming more attractive, some people would retain their original mindset while others would undergo a radical personality change and try to make up for what they missed out on. I honestly don't know how I'd handle it if women suddenly decided that I was desirable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I have to say I have witnessed the reverse ugly duckling syndrome with guys that I went to school with. In elementary school I remember this one guy had the girls clamoring for him, but once we hit grade 8, it was like puberty wasn't very kind to him. He didn't grow in height, he got fat and his baby face changed like literally over a summer. Fast forward to my early 20's when I was working at a night club....they hired a new bouncer, and it was him! He recognized me (I always thought he didn't know I existed lol me being the ugly duckling back then). He came right up to me, but I had no idea it was him until he told me....I was shocked. He was so ugly he was unrecognizable. I made sure my GF came out to the club, and I pointed him out....she was like "What the hell happened?!" lol. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I think his ego deflated as his reputation as the big cat in elementary went down the toilet in jr high...an ugly small fish in a much bigger pond. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 People can be high or low maintenance for various reasons.....the OP's post makes sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Chief Wiggum Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Are you guys familiar with this? A guy friend told me the other day that I had ugly duckling syndrome. When I asked him what this meant, he told me that because I was "not cute" (he put it kindly) in high school and turned "hot", that I still have the ugly mentality and it makes me a pleasant person to be around. On the other hand, I have a cousin who used to be very beautiful in high school and she has gained 100+ pounds since. She is still cocky and full of herself. He explained that this is reverse ugly duckling syndrome. Have you guys found that this is an actual "thing"? Also, how would you feel if you found out the good-looking person that you have been dating was very unattractive or overweight when they were a kid/teenager? Lol yes. My ex had this syndrome. I have no doubt in my mind she's been snapped up and married by now. Kind, intelligent, and loved by everyone. Still regret, to an extent, not securing things with her. As for your question: How would you feel if you found out the good-looking person that you have been dating was very unattractive or overweight when they were a kid/teenager? It definitely wouldn't put me off, if that's what you're asking? From my experience, it would make her a better candidate to date. I'd definitely pursue. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 (edited) The self-image you develop during your formative years can be very deeply ingrained. I think it would be a coin flip -- upon suddenly becoming more attractive, some people would retain their original mindset while others would undergo a radical personality change and try to make up for what they missed out on. I honestly don't know how I'd handle it if women suddenly decided that I was desirable. I agree with this. The formative years (puberty - early 20s) can have a long term impact on a person's personality and self esteem. I have definitely noticed with ugly duckling to swan women they have better personalities and tend to be sweet to everyone -even the nerds/geeks/less attractive/shy guys. They still have some of their old insecurities and don't have attitude and don't rate themselves hot catches (though they are now). With ugly duckling to swan men it can be a little different. They can be just like what I described above but they can also have resentment over being ignored before by girls and become players and want to make up for past missed opportunities + also get validation that are very much not the loser they were before. I guess its possible for former ugly duckling girls to also have resentment and be a female player, but I don't know of any. The ones I knew would make great gfs. As for the reverse (swan to ugly duck), it seems to hit such people hard. If they are married it wont effect them so much I'd say but if they find themselves on the singles market, they tend to over-rate themselves (deluded sometimes). For a man that's not such a bad thing as its seen as confidence though there can be bitterness when they don't get at the level they think the deserve from their glory days. With such women, they can still get casual sex to ease the hit to their ego, but I don't find the attitude with them so much as frustration or sadness in not having guys hit on them like they used to. Edited August 4, 2015 by ascendotum 1 Link to post Share on other sites
confuzed23 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Yes, I have totally seen this first hand. My girlfriend, whom just didn't dress fashionably or wasn't the most popular in High School, while cute I think maybe came off frumpy in High School. I was kind of in the same boat myself, was a quite kid, skinny, not confident. We had a class or two together, but barley talked(Probably because we were both so confident and scared) I started working out after School, taking better care of myself and what I ware and how I carry myself. She started dressing more fashionably, just paying more attention to herself. Fast forward to many years later and no contact for us in between and we meet online. We have been dating for well over a year and everything is great, I love her and she loves me. She has aged very well and have seen pictures of the time between high school and now and she was/is a flat out knockout...puts many of the "hot chicks" back in the day to shame.....yet still she carries on about how ugly she feels and had talks about often between the time we meet again, you would think in her eyes she looks like Quasimodo. There is just no way in hell(All biased on my part aside) especially in the time between that she could be defined as ugly, holly crap do I wish I had meet her even early after school. Anyway, thats my long winded way of saying yes....I have seen this, just think of that song"You don't know you're beautiful" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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