OTrunner Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I met this guy at random when shopping at his bicycle shop about 1 month ago. For some reason the chemistry was instantaneous and undeniable by both parties, something I have literally not felt in over 5 years. We began communicating almost immediately and saw each other at least 4-5x a week for couple of weeks. Last Friday we had a wonderful evening together and although did not "go the distance" so to speak physically, we did take a step in that direction. After that evening, the following few days he was still polite and communicating but noticeably more distant. Yesterday however, things took a turn. He had mentioned to me when we first started seeing each other (about a month ago) that he had very recently become single, approx. 2 weeks before he met me after being a 10 month relationship that he did not choose to end. He told me that he had planned to try to "re-center" his life and lick his wounds so to speak before dating again before I just kind of showed up in his life unexpectedly. Neither one of us expected such immediate chemistry and it just kind of started going very quickly into the early stages of a relationship. Anyway, yesterday he told me that he had been thinking about it a lot in the last few days after we had our pivotal date and came to this... he stated that he absolutely enjoyed my company and obviously had great chemistry and conversation with me. However, he told me that was being pulled into a million directions (he owns 2 small businesses and has a 9 year old son) and still was not over this other women despite there being no chance of reconciliation. He told me he loves spending time with ME but still caught himself thinking about her, which he felt was unfair. He also said basically verbatim that he would like to revisit this idea of a relationship between the 2 of us when he was a little more emotionally ready whether that be a few weeks or a couple of months. In the mean time, he said he would love to still talk as we have been and spend some time together here there continuing to get to know each other, basically what we were doing minus the physical aspect, but perhaps a little less frequent. He was very open/forthcoming with this information and appeared genuine when talking to me about it. My question, would it be unwise to continue this friendship that could possibly turn into a relationship in the near/maybe a little more distant future? Or would it be best to cut ties and ask him to get a hold of me when he is emotionally ready for something more (of course pending I am still available)? I am inexplicably head over heels for this guy a feeling I forgot existed and would love to see where this could go. On the one hand I have been in almost his exact shoes with someone else and honestly just needed a little time to collect myself before moving on. On the other, I am afraid I could continue in this now "friendship" type situation and get unintentionally strung along which would no doubt lead to my heart break. We run in the same circles socially (well cycling in this matter) so I will no doubt see him around a bit even if we don't intentionally spend time together. I am in between a rock and hard place. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. This is a man btw whom although I have not known personally until recently, is well known in the cycling community and is a genuinely good guy. I hope this is just genuinely bad timing, but need some advice from completely unbiased strangers. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. P.S. Not sure it entirely matters, but he is 35 and I am 28. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 You do not wait for a man who has basically put you on a shelf. You go out and date others until he steps up to the plate, if he's going to. He is keeping his options open, so should you. Link to post Share on other sites
AlurOne Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 If he seems genuine about it, then it may just be exactly that. If he admitted that he still thinks about her and that it's unfair to you both, that sounds pretty honest to me. I've been there, and it had nothing to do with anything other than needing time to process emotions that are felt for someone else before trying to give full attention to another person. What do you do? If you feel like you are already friends, then maybe you keep in touch. If your own feelings are too strong, that might be too hard for you. But in any case, don't have yourself waiting for anything. Do your own thing. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Don't wait for him. He's busy. He's got a young son. He's not in the right space to have a relationship. You'd be the rebound girl. You don't even know if things could turn into a relationship and whether there's compatibility. Right now things seem great because there's chemistry. That's only one aspect of compatibility. You won't be his priority and if you continue staying in touch with him you will eventually want more than he can give. Date other guys and if he comes back into your life then you can decide. But to wait for him would be a mistake IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
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