The Girl Across The Hall

[AlurOne]

There are a fair amount of ins and outs to this situation, and it would take far too long for me to try and write them all. So I'll try and put the simple version out there to try and start things off...

 

For a few months I was spending time with a woman who lives in my building, directly across the hall from me. And surprise! Things didn't work out. In fact, they so didn't work out, that now the protocol is to pretend we don't see each other in the building or on the street. She is also 9 years younger than me, which some may consider a relevant detail.

 

Basically we got very close very fast, and shared a lot of personal and intimate words and moments with each other. She confided in me about her potentially life-threatening medical condition, which she hadn't even talked to her family about yet. I'm a very easy person to talk to, and this was not a burden for me, until I started to realized that I really cared and had strong feelings for her.

 

We spent lots of time talking about her condition. It was obvious she wanted me to care about her. Forward to the last time we were together, which was about 2 months ago, a few nights before she flew to her home state to undergo a serious surgery. She was literally in hysterics and spent most of the night crying in my arms, saying she thinks she's going to die. My heart bled for her.

 

Something else must have happened that night though, and I don't know what. A few hours after I left her apartment, she texted me about just being friends. I didn't know exactly what to say other than respond by being understanding and letting her know that I am here for her if she needs anything. I was still feeling so emotional about the night we just spent together.

 

About a week later, and a few days after her surgery, I texted to say I was thinking about her. She responded that the surgery went well and that her problem should be resolved, and even sent me a picture of the large incision that that the surgeon made. I was so happy that she was ok. A few days later I asked how her recovery was going, and got no response so I left it alone.

 

Then I ran into her in the hallway a week after that. Somewhat stunned, I was able to say an enthusiastic "hi!". She barely looked at me, said "hey" and closed her door. Hmm. Then the next night around 10:30pm, she texted me asking if I was awake, which she knows I am at that time. That was the last I heard from her. I responded yes, but she never said anything else. The next day, I texted her to ask what was up, if everything is ok, and no response.

 

Since then, we have passed each other in the building or on the street, and she just turns her head away and ignores me. It took me 2 times of this happening before I realized that I was not supposed to say hi anymore, which really goes against my personality. About 3 weeks ago, I sent her one last text to try and salvage something, in an effort to at least keep a friendly relationship as neighbors like we had always been. She responded and the message was clear as day. Leave her alone, she is blocking my number.

 

Wow! So now I've got myself into a situation where I'm confused, hurt, and have strong feelings for for someone who lives 5 feet away, and she wants nothing to do with me. I've broken my brain trying to figure it out. It hurts that I was willing to be there for her in troubled times, and then got no chance to celebrate her victory with her... I wasn't even given the chance to look at her and tell her how happy I am that she pulled through. And my heart is outright broken by the hostility I feel from her. I feel like I am hated for something, but I can't figure it out. I wish there was something I did that I could point to and feel apologetic about, but I can't find it.

 

I understand the obvious pitfalls of seeing someone who lives across the hall from me. We had talked at length about keeping things at a point where that neighborly relationship is respected. We have always been friendly with each other, and now I literally feel as if I am hated. I can't believe I fell so hard so fast, but I did and now things are very uncomfortable. Yes it makes me sad that she doesn't want to see me anymore, but I understand that can be part of life. What really rips me up is that there was no conversation about it, and that I was essentially dropped and ignored as if we had just been out on one or two dates. I still feel for her, and miss her company very much, and I just hope that we can at least be good neighbors again someday like we always were. The "are you awake" text still haunts me.

 

So yeah I joined this site basically because I felt the need to write this story down. If anyone is interested in giving advice/feedback or asking questions, I'm sure it would be helpful to me. I'm a seriously nice/caring person. If anyone one has ever hated me, I never knew about it. And I have never had a person in my entire life who set the standard that we ignore each other. It really goes against my grain and I feel I lose a small piece of myself every time I'm forced to walk by and say nothing.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Edit: Sorry if this should have gone in another forum... I know there's a break up one but I don't know if that's what I would consider this to be.

Edited July 29, 2015 by AlurOne

[Mrin]

That's pretty messed up dude. I got nothing that could explain this. But just wanted to say I'm sorry man. That has to suck.

[AlurOne]

That's pretty messed up dude. I got nothing that could explain this. But just wanted to say I'm sorry man. That has to suck.

 

Thanks for reading, in any case. I think it made me feel a little better just to write it down.

[yxalitis]

Maybe she thinks you took advantage of her in a moment of weakness?

I dunno, nothing you've told us can explain her behaviour...

Are you leaving anything out?

[Lansing]

How far did things go between the two of you? Like, just cuddling or to be blunt, did you have sex? Were you more friendly or were you making out, etc?

 

So weird from what you posted that she would cut you off like that but curious now what her perspective might be.

[Mrin]

Ok so maybe it isn't just me that is at a loss on this. Could she be mentally unstable?

[mystikmind2005]

If i am reading this story correctly, you did not visit her in hospital???

 

I would say that is the reason!

[Methodical]

I may not be understanding the timeline you have laid out. Basically, she flew home and had surgery immediately. One week post surgery she sent you a text of the large incision the surgeon made. Another week later, you pass her in the hallway, she says nothing and ducks inside her apartment. Yes?

 

I hope not, but this sounds eerily familar to a situation I dealt with. Down to not telling the family bc of not wanting them to worry, etc. When all was said and done, the whole thing was a lie. And believe me, she was convincing. Had a picc-line placed in/near her chest because her veins were collapsing and they had trouble administering the chemo. etc., etc. Nope, lie on top of lie.

 

Funny how her family didn't know anything about this serious, life-threating illness, yet she flew to her home state to have the surgery.

 

Um... surgeons generally don't operate on the fly like that. And if it was a transplant situation, they keep you in the hospital for monitoring. They run tests, pre-op, post-op, monitoring for rejection, etc. There is no way she flew to her home state, had surgery ("surprise family, I need a life-saving procedure done...tomorrow"), flew back to where she lives now and was capable of strolling down the hallway, all in the span of two weeks. She must have done some major recovering, like superhuman recovering. A large incision takes a while to heal. Lots of muscle tissue and nerves have to be cut through to get to the issue. She should have stitches or staples if the incision is that large. I can't imagine being able to fly under those conditions either.

 

I could be wrong, but this seems so familiar and I have trouble believing it's true.

Edited July 30, 2015 by Methodical

[casey.lives]

i hate my ex and his vicious cruel wife and my backstabbing "friends" and tis life but i feel what i feel and i feel strongly and that's why i will do everything in my power to stay away from "THEM" abusive exploitative disrespectful sorts

[AlurOne]

Thanks for the replies. Regarding the timeline... When she told me about it, she hadn't told her family yet, but she did fairly soon after. Then she flew home to get checked out by her doc. The surgery was a few weeks after that, and she had to fly home again for that. Couldn't visit in the hospital because she was across the country. After she had the surgery, it was about 2 weeks that I saw her in the hallway. She wasn't strolling along, but just at her door getting food delivered. That sounds so crazy about someone making it up, and I don't think that happened here. But I can't dismiss anything I guess.

 

To answer the other questions, we were physical with each other from the start. She slept over a bunch of times. Another pertinent factor is that she had been cheated on by her ex, who was trying to get back together with her. He lives in another state.

 

Funny thing is, we always had such great and friendly conversations when we ran into each other before this, and I always walked away thinking that I want to ask her out. But I never did because I was too worried about the neighbor dynamic. Then one day she knocked on my door and that's how things got started. But that's what I really miss most, the comfortable and friendly relationship with my neighbor. I have that with everyone in my building, except with her now.

 

Like I said, I can understand that people stop seeing each other for one reason or another. That in itself is a bummer but I can be ok with that. And it's not like we considered ourselves to be exclusive to each other after such a short period. But the way it ended just has me confused and hurt, because I honestly feel like she must hate me for something, but that doesn't make sense unless I'm missing something. I was there during trouble, cared about it, and then poof she's gone when things were looking up. I wanted to give her a hug, look her in the eyes and tell her how happy I am that she made it but I never got to.

 

It's just totally beyond me as to why she would ask me if I'm awake one night, and then never say anything again. Why would a person do that? Why would they ignore and appear hostile towards someone who was willing to be a friend when she needed one? Especially when it means that now two people have to be weird and awkward around the place they live? I have no reason or desire for that, and I'd be happy if we could just be friendly with eachother again.

[rester]

Did you call her and asked how she was doing after the surgery? Did you send her flowers? Did you ask her if something was wrong after she brushed you off in the hallway the first time?

 

I would have pressed for an explanation after getting brushed off a couple times. She's upset about something, and it may have nothing to do with you, but I think you're owed an explanation.

[AlurOne]

Did you call her and asked how she was doing after the surgery? Did you send her flowers? Did you ask her if something was wrong after she brushed you off in the hallway the first time?

 

I would have pressed for an explanation after getting brushed off a couple times. She's upset about something, and it may have nothing to do with you, but I think you're owed an explanation.

 

Good questions. After she made the being friends comment, I didn't want to push anything romantic. I did reach out to her after the surgery and that's when she sent me the pic of what they did to her. After I got brushed off the first time, she sent the "are you awake" text. Then after that I tried to find out what was wrong, and that's when I just got ignored. The day after that I ran into her outside, and I tried to talk to her. But she just kept moving and was obviously trying to get away. I texted her a few days after that and got ignored. It was pretty obvious at that point that she didn't want to say anything to me. However me being me, I tried to say hi to her a few weeks after that and she literally turned her back to me.

 

I had a few things of hers in my apartment, and it was around this time that I decided to give them back. She wouldn't talk to me or respond, I figured she wants nothing to do with me. I knocked on her door but she didn't answer. So I left her things in a bag outside the door. I still regret doing this but I was acting kind of emotionally around that time.

 

I know there are many things that I could have done much better, but I was feeling emotions that I hadn't even allowed myself to get near in a very long time. I'm sure I came across as awkward or nervous at times because of that. Honestly in retrospect I could see how some of it may have been a little off-putting. But certainly nothing offensive or to the point where hostility toward me should be the result. That's really what gets to me.

 

Most people I talk to seem to think that whatever it is, maybe she is not mature enough to handle it and have a conversation in an effort to keep things friendly. I don't know, maybe this is true... She is 26 and I know I handled things a lot differently at that age, but I don't think I'd leave someone high and dry like that.