Eighty_nine Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I will try to keep this brief. I was recently cheated on, got out of that relationship and quickly into another (I just happened to meet this person through a new friend of mine, I wasn't looking). Surprisingly it's been very positive, very easy and we are a good match. We've been dating for about 4 months now. Now, he has always said he has erectile dysfunction, he was upfront that he takes meds to help him perform. I noticed early though that he didn't seem to always need them. I know that it's easier to get hard in the morning for example and that having ED doesn't mean you can never get a boner. But for whatever reason, I sorta doubted his story. I watch porn fairly regularly (less in this relationship, because I'm having good sex all the time). So I shared info about my porn habits, asked about his, and he said "once in awhile" which seemed odd, but changed the story to a couple times a week. I felt like he was being dishonest and told him I do NOT mind if you watch porn, I'm not threatened by it and think it's natural. Still he stuck to the story, OK. A few days ago I stayed at his house, left for an hour to go to the gym and then we went out for the day. He went home that night because I had to get out early. He mentioned he watched porn when he got home, and that he also watched it during the day. This set off a red flag for me because he was only alone for an hour. Again i DO NOT have an issue with porn, but we'd just had sex before and I know he was busy getting ready to go... but still made time to watch it. I felt like I wasn't getting the truth. Yesterday after much badgering he admitted he watches it pretty much daily, and is also into some pretty 'taboo' kinks that he has not shared with me. I've explicitly asked him what he's into, and it bothers me that he kept it from me, but I can understand that part. It sounds like he may have somewhat of an "addiction" to porn, although he has not come out and said it. I think what's happening is he's conditioned himself to respond only to porn, and that's why he can't 'get it up' without help. He also told me that he normally has trouble coming during sex, but it's better with me (and this is true, he normally does finish). The big issue is the lying. We haven't been together a long time but got close, fast. It really bothers me that I've been open with everything about myself and he lied for a good couple of months about his sexual habits. He also told me that in the past he has spit on a girls back during sex so that she'd think he came. That bothers me. Again, it feels deceitful. He said he'd be willing to talk to a counselor or something about issues he might have being interested in 'normal' sex. But the lying really bugs me and I feel like now I'll question his sexual interest in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 You're saying and telling him that you don't care if he watches porn and then when he tells you he does you're judging him for it and over analyzing the reason behind it, the timeline, and why. You shouldn't have brought it up and discussed it so much to begin with if it doesn't bother you but now you've opened pandora box. Correct me if I'm wrong but you said you're having "amazing sex now". If that's the case then whats the problem? Bc he takes Viagra now and then and watches more porn than you thought that might be kinkier than you've expected from him? Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 What's the problem here, that lied about how often he watches porn? Also how old is he? Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 He also told me that in the past he has spit on a girls back during sex so that she'd think he came. That bothers me. This bothers me too! Gross. There's nothing wrong with saying 'I just can't get there, I owe you one'. And I pity any girl who was fooled by it. And on the back? Were they doggie style and he pulled out? Doesn't one have to make some noise to bring up spit? I'm going to be up all night thinking about this one. But yea, he's got some issues. Perhaps he was embarrassed by his habits and felt compelled to lie about them. Has he lied about things other than porn/sexual issues? How old are the two of you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 He has an addiction like any other. I'm afraid sexual dysfunction in young men is becoming ever more pervasive, with the easy availability of porn. It's the brain chemistry equivalent of having free, immediate access to cocaine at any whim. Destructive social engineering in all its dark glory. His drug is porn, but it could be alcohol, food, heroin, etc. He's been hiding his drug of choice as many addicts do, and he's admitted to you that he's lied to hide his habit in the past - so that tells you it's a pattern. Personally, I would not continue in a relationship with a porn addict unless and until he admitted it was a problem and took steps to free himself from his addiction. It's not healthy for a young man to be taking chemical pharmaceuticals because he's warping his brain chemistry with porn addiction. And it's also not good that he's in it so deep he's established a pattern of lying about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nadine5 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 He also told me that in the past he has spit on a girls back during sex so that she'd think he came. That bothers me. ...yeah, that's weird. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) As a woman who was married to a man with a porn addiction I can tell you that these sexual problems will only get worse. It's not uncommon for addicts to be in denial of their problem. The fact that he's downplaying just how much porn he watches or flat out lying is kind of expected but also doesn't crown him an addict on just those points alone. Not being able to cum during actual sex unless using porn is another issue. Your greatest challenge will be understanding that this isn't about YOU. This isn't about his attraction to you or his feelings or interested in you. Porn addiction is very real and can be very destructive particularly when it comes to relationships. My marriage blew apart as a result of porn and the effects, as did many other relationships which you can read about in countless other threads on here. Half the battle is admitting you have a problem then seeking help for it. If your man realizes his porn watching might be an issue and is open to talking to someone then run with it otherwise you may be in for some serious heartbreak. Good luck. Edited July 31, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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