b6forlife Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Ok I just wanted a little perspective on a situation that I'm in at the moment. So to start, I have been dating a girl for a little over a year and a half now. She's me first serious relationship, and is everything that I could have ever asked for. On top of being my girlfriend, she is also my best friend and I say that without a doubt. Back in March we went on a cruise together with my family, and everything was just awesome. To be honest, I really thought and still hope that she is the one because I've never loved someone so much. It should be noted that even after the 'honeymoon stage', I was still head over heels for her and just wanted to do anything to make her happy. In April, however, something happened that has made me anxious and has me ruminating everything. We were on FaceTime late one night after I had gotten off work just talking. Don't remember what it was about. All of a sudden, she asked me if I was becoming bored with her. If anyone else had asked me that question I without a doubt would have said no. Because she did, it sent me into a terrible bout of anxiety. I felt immediately sick, almost threw up, and didn't eat for a couple days. I also had trouble texting her because I started thinking it was true when I didn't want it to be. Gradually, the anxiety died down until the point that it really isn't half as bad as it was. I still enjoy my time with her, and still have just as much fun, but that fearful thought is always at the back of my mind and it kills me. I've always struggled with overthinking things. I believe that's what it is because it seems every other week it's a new worry. "Are you bored with her?", "Do you really love her?", "Do you need to break up with her?", etc. I really do love her and I want to stay with her without a doubt. Like I said, gradually it gets better. The first week and a half was traumatizing. Then it got to the point where I feared hanging out with her because I was afraid we'd break up or I wouldn't enjoy it, even though I always did. Recently, I was able to tune out all of my negative thoughts and have almost no anxiety towards the topic because I know I love her, but now that I don't have anxiety at those thoughts, my mind makes me think that that means I don't actually care to be with her which I know is absurd. I know this was a long one, and I actually posted this a while ago but forgot my log in. I just need advice as to what to do to continue my relationship without these nagging worries. I know that's what I want, because I know I still love her. I've read that doubt means don't, but I don't believe that. I believe that everyone doubts their relationship at some point. I just overthink everything now whereas I used to just enjoy my time with her day by day without a question asked. Does anyone have any solutions as to what I can do? I've considered taking a small break just to clear my head so I can continue my relationship normally, but I also believe breaks are pointless and shouldn't be an option unless it's last resort. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
torturedartist Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 A couple things here. One is that you're way too caught up in her. The fact that a single comment from her could affect you the way it does shows a pretty serious imbalance in power in your relationship. The problem being that a woman won't respect you for putting her in such an elevated position, meaning she'll either ditch you, or if you do wind up with her, you'll be her bitch. Imagine if I woman had such reverence for you. Would you respect her? Of course you wouldn't. It sounds to me like you have some problems with anxiety, and I mean beyond relationships into normal life. No offense, but you might consider seeing a counselor because again, the kind of anxiety you described isn't healthy. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 it sent me into a terrible bout of anxiety. I felt immediately sick, almost threw up, and didn't eat for a couple days. What? Because she made one silly, casual, probably only teasing or joking comment? I can't begin to express how over the top your reaction has been...this huge outpouring of emotion over...absolutely nothing. Don't take a break Don't do anything stupid Calm the frack down You have lost control of your emotions, you need to regain your balance. Link to post Share on other sites
mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Do you have bouts of rumination in other parts of your life? I'm not a psychologist but wondering if maybe you have OCD. My cousin had that issue. If not, you could just be psyching yourself out. At the end of the day, ask yourself, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ok, say you DO get bored of her or your feelings change, so what? That just means you move on and there's no loss since the relationship as you know it has changed. You won't die. You'll be just fine. In the meantime, you don't need a break from her, you need a break from your own thoughts. You're making an issue out of nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Do you generally suffer from anxiety, OP? Your reaction was over-the-top, to say the least, which makes me wonder if there's an underlying issue here. Not being able to eat after one fairly innocuous comment isn't normal and I think you should be investigating a potential deeper problem, which in all likelihood has nothing to do with your girlfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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