jen_r Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Do you ever feel like maybe you aren't cut out for relationships? It usually takes me a few months to warm up to someone and open up to them. I give myself to them slowly and carefully. But once I open up, I give SO much. I love hard and get attached and will do anything for the person I'm with. But once it's over it seems that I am the only who is hurting. The guys flip a switch and turn off their feelings and move on. And I'm left with so many questions. I feel that sometimes it isn't worth the risk of feeling like this. Hurt. Betrayed. Alone. After my 1st bad breakup, I was in NO rush to be with someone again and not until about 2 years later did I open up and let someone in. Now that relationship has ended and Im feeling a bit hopeless. It's SO hard for me to give guys a chance and now I can't see myself doing it again. Maybe I'm rambling here...I dunno. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Do you ever feel like maybe you aren't cut out for relationships? It usually takes me a few months to warm up to someone and open up to them. I give myself to them slowly and carefully. But once I open up, I give SO much. I love hard and get attached and will do anything for the person I'm with. But once it's over it seems that I am the only who is hurting. The guys flip a switch and turn off their feelings and move on. And I'm left with so many questions. I feel that sometimes it isn't worth the risk of feeling like this. Hurt. Betrayed. Alone. After my 1st bad breakup, I was in NO rush to be with someone again and not until about 2 years later did I open up and let someone in. Now that relationship has ended and Im feeling a bit hopeless. It's SO hard for me to give guys a chance and now I can't see myself doing it again. Maybe I'm rambling here...I dunno. First of all, you need to focus on your needs always. Make an outline for yourself of what your needs are for a relationship that makes you happy. Then, take all of your past experiences, put them in a box and shelve them. This will allow you to be objective about new dating partners. And, evaluate them as individuals and show you what they themselves are bringing to your table. The way you are feeling right now, says, take some time for yourself and focus on your needs only. Be good to yourself. Dating is risky. And, you do need to take things slowly. When you're dating a new partner, make sure you are on the same page from the get go. Does he want the same thing for himself that you want. Are you both dating for a relationship? If you're not on that page, you move on right then and there. This minimizes the hurt and anxiety moving forward. Even if he says he wants a relationship for himself, observe whether he dates you that way. And do it for quite sometime. Let him do most of, if not all of the intiating for a while. Keep it balanced. You be receptive. And, if you do initiate once in a while, give the reins back to him. But go back to the receptive mode and respond in kind and in a balanced way so as to at least show him your level of interest is there without over doing it. There is never any guarantee. You simply need to manage your emotions and expectations for quite sometime and observe. All you can do is minimize the risk. But, overall, if you date someone, just have fun, be relaxed and observe. Be patient and pay attention to whether they are meeting your needs early. If they aren't, so be it. You're gonna kiss a lot more frogs before one turns into Prince Charming it's just the way it is. The frog that has the potential for being your Prince Charming will show you the signs and you'll know when to kiss them 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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