bolase Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 So my new boyfriend is visiting me this weekend as we planned for around a month. I've just moved here and I've been staying with my oldest friend while looking for a permanent home. She and him haven't met, and we just had a huge fight around me not being there enough for her "using her apartment", though I've been busy with a new job, and now this guy coming to stay. She is married, her husband works out of state. She just basically kicked me out by saying I needed to leave, and it wasn't working, I was ungrateful selfish eyc. So while I can see her perspective I feel I've been trying to let her know that I care in other ways. And as soon as I packed my stuff tonight she got angry that I was leaving so soon and called it upsetting and abrupt. Basically I love her but I feel she tries to control me. All this has made me really sad and I don't know what to say to my boyfriend (of 1 month) when we meet tomorrow. We'll have to stay in a hotel then I'll find temp accommodation after that, but the last thing I was planning on asking him to help with was moving to a temp apartment. I just feel shattered about everything. I am currently in a hotel with my possessions in my car. Any advice is welcomed! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Get a new place to live ASAP. Spend the weekend with your BF. After he leaves once you are settled, invite your friend over for dinner & work on repairing the friendship. When you are together listen to her problems & don't talk about yourself too much. Not that you asked but I think it was more than a bit presumptuous for you to invite your BF into your friends' home. Even if your relationship hadn't blown up, I would have been prepared to stay in a hotel with the guy no matter what. Another suggestion airbnb sometimes offers long term month plus leases cheaper then a hotel while you are looking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 S hit happens because life happens. Better to be out of that situation than have it real awkward/tension with him staying with you in her apartment. I think your BF, if he is man enough, will step up and help his damsel in distress, or at least he will understand and make the best of it. D0nnivain is right, it's better to be at a hotel for privacy sake. Hope you two have a great weekend together I think being away from your friend will give her time to cool off, and then you both can clear the air over lunch or dinner like D0nnivain said. Friends will have disagreements, but still stick together. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 You have to do what you have to do. Things happen in life that are unexpected and how we respond determines what gets produced in our character. It's probably better that you are out of that friend's place anyway. I am more concerned with the fact that this visit was set-up with a boyfriend of one month when the details of your own living arrangements weren't really resolved. Now you guys are going to stay in a hotel? After one month? How about letting him know that the visit needs to be put off until you get settled? I hope it all works out. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 BTW your sounds like your friend is bi-polar from all the passive/aggressive/controlling behavior. It might be something you could help her address...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bolase Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Thanks for the helpful advice. It definitely feels a relief already but I don't think she will want to talk anytime soon. It's difficult because my boyfriend works in the field and this was his only weekend free in a couple of months. We are staying out of town on sat which I'd arranged so that we would be away from the house, but he's also booked a few extra days to spend time with me. Even telling him to stay with his friend tomorrow and not being able to explain properly has made me feel pretty bad. I hope we will still have a good time and he understands. I feel my friend was pretty abusive and she said negative things about him even though they've never met, like he didn't have his s hit together and why didn't he organise better etc so I'm relieved to not introduce them. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Time to find a new friend......this one isn't much of one. I recommend make friends with positive and supportive people...your life will benefit from it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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