My boyfriend has anger issues

[Dimlight00]

Hello! This one is very long but I am desperate for help.

 

Me (17/f) and my boyfriend (19/m) have been going out for almost 6 months and I feel very hopeless and horribly used in this relationship. I know the easy answer would be "dump him" but it is very hard because both of us have finals in a month and we will have exams on a span of more than 3 weeks. These exams are very important for both of us (university entrance) and I really don't want to ruin his future.

 

However, I have oficially reached my limit. Two nights before, I had prom (it was only my class and another one) and he is the kind that goes mad if I don't bring him along anywhere (when I go out with the girls etc) and started acting hurt when I didn't invite him so I had to take him with me. The thing is that he acted very antisocial (despite the fact that he is the type to talk with everyone and he was good friends with more than half of the persons present there) and basically refused to talk to anyone there besides me. Literally.

So at the beginnibg of the night all of my classmates and teachers went to take group photos so I told him that I will go, too. It was a very important moment for me and my clasamates. So I told him I will be away for awhile and he remained in a seat moping, refusing to talk with anyone. I was away for about 15 minutes, because we made a lot of pictures, and when I came back to him he literally went home without telling me, because he got angry that I left him alone (i came to prom with him aka in his car and he just left me there and went home). I went outside to search for him, I started looking everywhere on the road if he took his car and parked it somewhere else but he just went home.

 

So I went back in and I didn't call him because I felt that what he did was really childish and immature. The guests were taking pictures again so I decided to act like nothing happened and went to them aswell. He started sending me texts like "you're not even calling me, you completely ignore me". After awhile I decided to call and just when I was about to do it I saw that he came back, approached me and started aggressively pulling at my skirt (in front of everyone) saying "come with me in this instant, i said faster". We went outside and I asked why he left. He told me that he felt ignored and went home and asked why I didn't call him. I told him what he did was awful and that I wasn't the one to call, but him, and that I decided to enjoy the rest of the time with my clasamates. He called me a "rude b*tch" (it was the first time he ever insulted me) and started grabing my arms, pushing me etc in a very angry way. He was looking at me in a completely terrifying way. I was almost sure that he would slap me and I really started fearing him. It wasn't the first time he had that reaction, in the last month he started having lots of anger issues (not physical abuse or anything).

 

I was completely hurt and dissappointed and I legit wanted to break up with him in that instant, yet I somehow managed to control myself. We went back inside and I wanted to atleast enjoy my night. I asked him to dance so many times yet he didn't want to, and if I wanted to go and dance with the rest he started saying "oh you leave me alone again, like I ****ing matter, why did you bring me with you anyway?" but i didn't bring him with me, I knew he would do something like that, he demanded that he would come and I couldn't oppose.

 

So I spent the last night that I had to spend together with my friends in a chair next to my upset boyfriend, while everyone was having fun. He kept arguing with me the whole night and everyone was looking at us. I felt really ashamed and he completely ruined my night, I know for sure that without him there I would have actually felt more happy and able to party. It was supposed to be a very important event with my classmates and I was waiting for it since I was in 9th grade.

 

TL;DR; : bf demanded that I take him with me at prom, got angry when I went to take pictures with my classmates, went home and came back after I refused to call, started pulling at me aggressively and called me a "rude b*tch". He made me spend the rest of the night next to him in a chair and my prom night was ruined + he argued with me the whole night in front of everyone.

 

I can't break up with him now since finals are coming and I don't want him to fail because of me. What should I do? Am I exaggerating this issue? Was what he did normal?

[Omei]

You're clearly unhappy and at your end as you say, leave.

 

If he has finals or not is not your concern it is not your job to make sure he passes his finals that is entirely up to him not you things in life happen breakups is one of them if he picks to fail his finals over it this his choice to make.

Edited May 30, 2015 by Omei

[barcode88]

Going to play the devil's advocate here...

 

He's your boyfriend yet you didn't invite him to prom with you? I get that he's 19, but when I was in High School we could always invite people who didn't go to the school. Usually the people who went alone or with friends were Single.

 

Did you ever consider he might just be pissed because of what YOU are doing? It doesn't sound like he's physically abusing you, it sounds like he's upset about your behavior. I would be upset if I was in his shoes and my Girlfriend went to Prom without me (keep in mind I'd be in a position where she would need to invite me, similar to OP). I might not act out like he did, but it would bother me.

 

I agree - his behavior at Prom being aloof and leaving suddenly was a bit childish, but it could be because you "grudgingly" brought him with and he didn't feel included. His continued irritability gives me the impression that he is a bit needy/insecure.

 

 

It sounds like he wants you two to be an item, but you just want to do your own thing. I would break up with him, but not because he got angry - you two just sound incompatible. He needs constant reassurance and attention, and you are more independent.

Edited May 30, 2015 by barcode88

[Torii]

Hi Dimlight,

 

His finals have absolutely nothing to do with you and how you're feeling because of the situation that took place at your prom night. You aren't his personal tutor, you aren't there to help him ace classes - you're suppose to be his girlfriend, the girl that he loves and wants to be with. If he is using you to help him ace classes, he's only with you for a selfish gain and I say there's no excuse for this at all.

 

Keeping you away from your friends, especially on such a special night for a high school graduate is extremely rude and selfish on his part. Think about it: would a boyfriend, a man that is suppose to be happy for you and support you through everything, really be upset at you for enjoying this night you only get once in your life?

 

I understand you care about him, but I honestly believe that he takes advantage of you. It seems to me that these outbursts of anger towards you are for a selfish reason: he wants you to be his property. What I mean by this is that he wants you to hang out with him only - even at the cost of losing your friends and this can lead to physical abuse down the road.

[Dimlight00]

I did not invite him with me grudgingly. I live in Romania and we don't have the typical american prom, like a school dance with dates and etc. Each class (sometimes paired with another one) has its own prom. People don't normally bring dates with them and I didn't think he would want to come, since his own class were to have their own. However, when he told me he would want to come I accepted.

 

We have had a lot of issues in the past, he's the kind that will go anywhere with me (girls' night out, for example) and I have nothing against it, I was actually really happy that we would be having fun together. However, he is the type that would refuse to talk with anyone at a party when he is with me (despite him being otherwise extremely social and outgoing) and I told him that I would try to spend my night with him AND with my classmates, since I have been waiting for this moment since I was in 9th grade and it was the last moment together with them.

 

I tried to spend most of my night with him, ditching my classmates/friends, however I had to participate in the group moments that only involved our class, like the pictures. I felt very bad for having to leave him alone for 15 minutes, but I told him I would be away for awhile and that I will come back as soon as possible.

 

Yet he got up and left. And when I didn't call him to beg him to come back, he willingly returned to aggressively pull me out of there so he could insult me and push/pull etc some more.

 

The idea is that he has had a lot of anger/jealousy/possessiveness issues during those months and I willingly got over them all the time. He doesn't allow me to merely talk to other guys (even classmates), I no longer have guy friends and I am not allowed to dress in skirts above the knee/tank tops etc because he believes they make me look like "a whore" or use social sites like facebook without telling him exactly when I went online, why and how long I've been there.

[elaine567]

It is not normal behaviour and I don't think this relationship will last long term.

So you need to do what is best for YOU here.

Obviously this episode made you unhappy and the last thing you want is for this to affect YOUR chances of doing well in your exams.

You therefore need to get into survival mode and if he is bringing you down, then you better get rid, or distance yourself so that his actions do not affect you any more.

The last thing you want is for him to dump YOU the night before your finals and cause YOU to fail.

20 years down the line, you will be struggling to remember his name, so do not let him scupper your future, do what you have to do.

[Dimlight00]

He's the type that would never break up with me. He says it's because he loves me but I think it is for one of these reasons:

A. He knows there will not be many people that would resist for as long as I did, he has showed me many times that he doesn't value me as a person/girlfriend, but as a property, interchangeable with anyone that would put up with him

B. He doesn't want to deal with the guilt of being the dumper

[thegirlinquestion]

He doesn't allow me to merely talk to other guys (even classmates), I no longer have guy friends and I am not allowed to dress in skirts above the knee/tank tops etc because he believes they make me look like "a whore" or use social sites like facebook without telling him exactly when I went online, why and how long I've been there.

 

does he talk to other women? is there a double standard here?

when he has a promwould he/did he invite you? do you ask to go?

 

im with barcode88- seems youre more into doing your own thing and not being committed to him..a bit of a butterfly

 

and I think he simply wants more one on one time with you where you might prefer group events.

 

ill tell you the truth, I have no contact with other women in for respect to my lady and I dont want her to have contact with other men.

 

im talking about friends you would have consistent phone calls/contact with. but I understand youre younger so being social and active with others is a bigger priority

[darkmoon]

angry young men can develop into violent ones

[barcode88]

I did not invite him with me grudgingly. I live in Romania and we don't have the typical american prom, like a school dance with dates and etc. Each class (sometimes paired with another one) has its own prom. People don't normally bring dates with them and I didn't think he would want to come, since his own class were to have their own. However, when he told me he would want to come I accepted.

 

We have had a lot of issues in the past, he's the kind that will go anywhere with me (girls' night out, for example) and I have nothing against it, I was actually really happy that we would be having fun together. However, he is the type that would refuse to talk with anyone at a party when he is with me (despite him being otherwise extremely social and outgoing) and I told him that I would try to spend my night with him AND with my classmates, since I have been waiting for this moment since I was in 9th grade and it was the last moment together with them.

 

I tried to spend most of my night with him, ditching my classmates/friends, however I had to participate in the group moments that only involved our class, like the pictures. I felt very bad for having to leave him alone for 15 minutes, but I told him I would be away for awhile and that I will come back as soon as possible.

 

Yet he got up and left. And when I didn't call him to beg him to come back, he willingly returned to aggressively pull me out of there so he could insult me and push/pull etc some more.

 

The idea is that he has had a lot of anger/jealousy/possessiveness issues during those months and I willingly got over them all the time. He doesn't allow me to merely talk to other guys (even classmates), I no longer have guy friends and I am not allowed to dress in skirts above the knee/tank tops etc because he believes they make me look like "a whore" or use social sites like facebook without telling him exactly when I went online, why and how long I've been there.

 

Ok I didn't account for cultural differences.... Truthfully (not playing devils advocate here) he sounds a bit needy and insecure, and is not healthy for you. I would dump him and move on.

[dyna85]

You can break up with him but you don't want to do so.

 

I don't think you should be tolerating his disrespectful and controlling tendencies. If I were you, I'd be fearful sticking around much longer could cause his issues to escalate. If you start fearing for your safety, that is where you need to draw the line and protect your boundaries.

 

You are not hopeless and you have the right to do what you feel is right for your well being. If being with him is causing you physical and/or emotional distress to the point that it's making you feel hopeless and horribly used, you need to re-evaluate the situation and take action to help yourself.

 

I know this may seem cliche, but it's something I recently learned at the ripe ripe old age of 29 and I wish I learned it sooner; you need to love yourself and truly respect yourself and be your best advocate.

 

Relationships aren't about staying with someone because you feel sorry for that person. You can't care at the detriment of your well being and emotional health. You need someone on equal ground, and this guy needs major work.

 

I would go with your gut instinct and break up with him if I were you, and explain that he needs help to control his anger issues.

 

Start thinking of your needs because your mind/body/heart come first.

[Dimlight00]

@thegirlinquestion I was not talking about friends I would have phone calls/texts with, as I don't text/call at all any guy and, truthfully, I don't even like doing it, I was referring to casually talking with classmates, for example, and not one on one conversations, but group ones, in which there are a lot of girls involved aswell.

 

I totally understand and agree with the fact that a relationship is a full commitment, and I am and have been completely committed to him. I never flirted, cheated, lied or anything of that sort, I have always trusted and supported him.

 

I am not a butterfly, and I definitely don't spend more time with group events than with him, not even equally. I would say that more than 90% of my free time (when i am not studying) is fully devoted to him. I almost abandoned my girlfriends and I can't even recall the last time I actually went out with them, however me and him go out very often.

 

@darkmoon - the anger kind of escalated a lot in the past month, it's true

 

@barcode88 - it's completely ok, the thing is that I actually wanted him to come with me, i just wanted to be able to spend the night with him AND with my classmates, it was the last night i had with them and I had told him that. However, I ended spending most of it next to him, in a seat.

[TunaCat]

He doesn't allow me to merely talk to other guys (even classmates), I no longer have guy friends and I am not allowed to dress in skirts above the knee/tank tops etc because he believes they make me look like "a whore" or use social sites like facebook without telling him exactly when I went online, why and how long I've been there.

 

This is controlling behavior!

 

You should be able to talk to whoever you want. Male or female, it shouldn't matter to him as long as he trusts you.

 

You should be able to wear whatever you want. Who cares about the skirt length. Him saying you look like a whore is beyond disrespectful. You deserve to be respected.

 

So what, you used Facebook and other social media sites! Just because he's your boyfriend does not mean he can tell you where you can or cannot go online.

 

You are not responsible for how he does on his finals. Only he is responsible for that. Break up with him now, and then throw your focus into your upcoming finals.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hello! This one is very long but I am desperate for help.

 

Me (17/f) and my boyfriend (19/m) have been going out for almost 6 months and I feel very hopeless and horribly used in this relationship. I know the easy answer would be "dump him" but it is very hard because both of us have finals in a month and we will have exams on a span of more than 3 weeks. These exams are very important for both of us (university entrance) and I really don't want to ruin his future.

 

However, I have oficially reached my limit. Two nights before, I had prom (it was only my class and another one) and he is the kind that goes mad if I don't bring him along anywhere (when I go out with the girls etc) and started acting hurt when I didn't invite him so I had to take him with me. The thing is that he acted very antisocial (despite the fact that he is the type to talk with everyone and he was good friends with more than half of the persons present there) and basically refused to talk to anyone there besides me. Literally.

So at the beginnibg of the night all of my classmates and teachers went to take group photos so I told him that I will go, too. It was a very important moment for me and my clasamates. So I told him I will be away for awhile and he remained in a seat moping, refusing to talk with anyone. I was away for about 15 minutes, because we made a lot of pictures, and when I came back to him he literally went home without telling me, because he got angry that I left him alone (i came to prom with him aka in his car and he just left me there and went home). I went outside to search for him, I started looking everywhere on the road if he took his car and parked it somewhere else but he just went home.

 

So I went back in and I didn't call him because I felt that what he did was really childish and immature. The guests were taking pictures again so I decided to act like nothing happened and went to them aswell. He started sending me texts like "you're not even calling me, you completely ignore me". After awhile I decided to call and just when I was about to do it I saw that he came back, approached me and started aggressively pulling at my skirt (in front of everyone) saying "come with me in this instant, i said faster". We went outside and I asked why he left. He told me that he felt ignored and went home and asked why I didn't call him. I told him what he did was awful and that I wasn't the one to call, but him, and that I decided to enjoy the rest of the time with my clasamates. He called me a "rude b*tch" (it was the first time he ever insulted me) and started grabing my arms, pushing me etc in a very angry way. He was looking at me in a completely terrifying way. I was almost sure that he would slap me and I really started fearing him. It wasn't the first time he had that reaction, in the last month he started having lots of anger issues (not physical abuse or anything).

 

I was completely hurt and dissappointed and I legit wanted to break up with him in that instant, yet I somehow managed to control myself. We went back inside and I wanted to atleast enjoy my night. I asked him to dance so many times yet he didn't want to, and if I wanted to go and dance with the rest he started saying "oh you leave me alone again, like I ****ing matter, why did you bring me with you anyway?" but i didn't bring him with me, I knew he would do something like that, he demanded that he would come and I couldn't oppose.

 

So I spent the last night that I had to spend together with my friends in a chair next to my upset boyfriend, while everyone was having fun. He kept arguing with me the whole night and everyone was looking at us. I felt really ashamed and he completely ruined my night, I know for sure that without him there I would have actually felt more happy and able to party. It was supposed to be a very important event with my classmates and I was waiting for it since I was in 9th grade.

 

TL;DR; : bf demanded that I take him with me at prom, got angry when I went to take pictures with my classmates, went home and came back after I refused to call, started pulling at me aggressively and called me a "rude b*tch". He made me spend the rest of the night next to him in a chair and my prom night was ruined + he argued with me the whole night in front of everyone.

 

I can't break up with him now since finals are coming and I don't want him to fail because of me. What should I do? Am I exaggerating this issue? Was what he did normal?

 

The above is indeed physical abuse. It's already begun and it will get worse.

 

And no, it isn't normal. And no, you're not exaggerating. In fact, I think you are underestimating the severity of this.

 

Take your power back. You can break up with him. His reaction to your breaking up with him is his problem. Do not stay with him for one more day. You are doing the right thing by walking away from this boy. He is a danger to your well-being and you need to stay far away from him. He doesn't do this because he loves you. He does this because he's got deep issues (this is not simply a case of an insecure or needy guy) and you're becoming his emotional and physical punching bag. Good for you for recognizing that his behavior is unacceptable. Move on and never look back.

[caringsister]

No this is not normal behavior, well for a control freak it is. He is using his behavior to force you to do what he wants you to do. If it doesn't work he becomes angry, physically aggressive and verbally abusive. You ended up sitting next to him all evening watching your friends have fun.

 

He refused to dance with you, refused to socialize with others and literally demanded that you stick by his side. Sadly you catered to his behavior in effort to please him. This is how abusers get control. We fear their outburst and are manipulated into their web.

 

You sound like a loving, fun, outgoing young lady. He sounds like he wants your every second to revolve around him. He tells you what you can't wear, you can't freely go on social media, can't talk to males, can't go out on girls night without him. This is all about control and it will get worse as time goes on and the more you give in the more he will require. He will continue until he has complete control of you if you don't take action now. The very fact that you ended up sitting next to him at your prom not dancing or having fun speaks for itself. You will conform and he knows how to make you.

 

Finals or not ... you are not responsible to stay with him and sacrifice your well being and happiness out of concern for him.

 

You must think of yourself here. You need to do what is in your best interest. This is your life and you deserve to be happy and enjoy it. You deserve to have a supportive boyfriend who genuinely loves you and wants to be apart of your life to enhance it.

 

Please free yourself

[Torii]

Hi Dimlight,

 

I know that you are concerned about your boyfriend, but you need to start acknowledging the emotional damage that he is causing you, in these situations. I call them situations, because these situations happen to gain power.

 

I can see that you make excuses for this behavior: that he cares about you, that he loves, etc but my dearest, you cannot be further from the truth when you tell us about these words he tells you. When somebody is so consumed by controlling every aspect, they've never had an ounce of real love in their childhood - and this causes so many issues that I know for a fact you aren't ready to handle. Grown women and men cannot handle these situations - so I know you can't neither. Are you honestly ready to grow up, being afraid of the man that is suppose to give you unconditional love? Are you really ready to sacrifice your own well-being to give this man the poison that will feed his underlying issues that he's now forcing upon you physically and emotionally?

 

I'm being real with you, and I hope you listen. Abuse happens, no matter what part of the world we live in. Abuse hurts, scars and shatters regardless of the cultural differences we have and I can reassure you, nobody, NOBODY, deserves to live with memories of abuse that will alter your life how you've never thought was imaginable.

 

It's not right that he's put his hands on you. No matter how you try to justify his behavior, it's not right nor healthy for you to be in that situation. I understand that you care about him, but if he's willingly putting you in these situations because of - and I quote - "anger issues" - you need to leave this man for the sake of your own well being. I understand that you may be scared about how he might react, and that's when I say: surround yourself with your loved ones, your family so that you know that YOU are supported to live a healthy, happy lifestyle. I know that you're family and friends would want you away from any man that hurt you.

[katiegrl]

Dimlight....at 17 you are certainly wise beyond your years, which is awesome. Intelligent, self-aware and motivated. Even better!

 

Even at your young age, it appears you are VERY well aware that his behavior is abusive, you acknowledged as much in your original post...you admit you feel used and have reached your limit.

 

You are NOT excusing his behavior, you KNOW he is abusive and controlling and you want OUT....as well you should!

 

Problem is, being that you are also a very caring and compassionate person, you feel guilty ending right before his finals as you think doing so will have a negative impact on how well he does.

 

Please DON'T! Feel guilty about ending it NOW that is. You need to end it now....you are NOT responsible for HIM....you are only responsible for yourself.

 

The way he treats you...all of it, is beyond appalling which you already know... you need to leave NOW (and NOT feel guilty about it)....otherwise YOU will be the one who suffers, because it will be YOU who won't be able to focus on your studies and your finals.

 

Nevermind him....your job is to take care of YOU....he can take care of himself!

 

Get rid of this controlling abusive asshat and I promise you will feel SO much better.

 

I suggest after ending it, you delete his number and block him. DO NOT allow him any access to you whatsoever! Your safety is at issue here with abusers like him.

 

Good luck hon...and (((big virtual hug))).

[Satu]

[Dimlight00]

I just broke up with him. I told him that I reached my limit and that insulting me and being aggressive towards me was something I could not get over. I didn't want to number everything that I felt was wrong, since that would've been rude and completely selfish of me. I just told him my reasons, let him react to what I said and end.

 

I did it via whatsapp (text) since each time I tried to do it in person/over phone he would manipulate me into not doing it. I felt horrible for doing it via text messages but he started acting very rude, mocking me with "it was your fault that I insulted you. You made me be aggressive towards you" (his actual words) and that was when I was sure that I did what was best.

 

However, I feel extremely guilty right now for causing him pain. I guess it is something I deserve and I should cope with it.

[Art_Critic]

I just broke up with him. I told him that I reached my limit and that insulting me and being aggressive towards me was something I could not get over.

^5

 

Don't let the guilt change your decision, you shouldn't feel guilty about enforcing one's boundaries or deciding what is best for yourself.

[Satu]

However, I feel extremely guilty right now for causing him pain. I guess it is something I deserve and I should cope with it.

 

You made the right decision.

 

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

[katiegrl]

I just broke up with him. I told him that I reached my limit and that insulting me and being aggressive towards me was something I could not get over. I didn't want to number everything that I felt was wrong, since that would've been rude and completely selfish of me. I just told him my reasons, let him react to what I said and end.

 

I did it via whatsapp (text) since each time I tried to do it in person/over phone he would manipulate me into not doing it. I felt horrible for doing it via text messages but he started acting very rude, mocking me with "it was your fault that I insulted you. You made me be aggressive towards you" (his actual words) and that was when I was sure that I did what was best.

 

However, I feel extremely guilty right now for causing him pain. I guess it is something I deserve and I should cope with it.

 

First off...good for you for ending it....you absolutely did the right thing....no doubt!

 

Since you are a caring person with a heart and a conscience, of course you feel guilty.. but you really shouldn't....because HE *deserved* to be left! His behavior was and still is atrocious!

 

You did nothing to feel guilty about!

 

Good job!

[spiderowl]

I see what you mean and I can understand your worry about finals. It's easy to say break up with him, he doesn't deserve your consideration. He doesn't, but then again you might have to live with the guilt if he does fail. Apart from that, and more important, if you break up with him now, he's almost certainly going to go off the rails altogether and ruin any chances you might have to study. I doubt he will leave you in peace if you have given him the push. Is there any way you can temporarily retire somewhere to 'study' until finals are over (say with your family?) then break up with him afterwards? You need to avoid being with this guy. He has real anger issues and I am 99% sure they will lead to him being violent with you.

 

Breaking up with him is the only thing you can do in the long run because if you stay you would be at risk and leading an awful life. Whatever you do, make sure you are with others who can keep an eye out for you and make sure you are safe until you can get rid of this guy.

 

Going back to what you've said, it does sound like anger is building in this guy. I feel concerned for your safety if he is present, even if you are in a group. He is clearly not thinking normally. I think you need to make your friends aware to keep an eye out for you but keep the breaking up issue out of it for the moment until you have both had chance to complete your finals.

 

One last thing, if you are at uni, please go to see your uni's welfare or counselling service. They can support you at this time. Also, if all this blows up and makes it impossible for you to study and you fail your finals, you will have evidence to give to the uni to ask them to give you a reassessment. Take notes, keep evidence, date everything - it's most important for various reasons.

 

Oops! I should have read the whole thread first as I see you have broken up with him. I prefer to write instinctively and not be influenced by other posts initially.

 

I don't want to scare you but this is a dangerous time. You have just broken up with a seriously weird and angry guy. Make sure you keep your friends around you and ask them to keep an eye out for this guy. Also, still worth seeing your student counselling service and welfare officers so that they are aware of the stress you are going through and a possible risk from your ex.

Edited May 30, 2015 by spiderowl

[darkmoon]

just get those good marks, put anything else on the back burner, him included, i hope he will want to study too, the quiet life...

 

but do not leave, tell us of any news etc.

[Redhead14]

Hello! This one is very long but I am desperate for help.

 

Me (17/f) and my boyfriend (19/m) have been going out for almost 6 months and I feel very hopeless and horribly used in this relationship. I know the easy answer would be "dump him" but it is very hard because both of us have finals in a month and we will have exams on a span of more than 3 weeks. These exams are very important for both of us (university entrance) and I really don't want to ruin his future.

 

However, I have oficially reached my limit. Two nights before, I had prom (it was only my class and another one) and he is the kind that goes mad if I don't bring him along anywhere (when I go out with the girls etc) and started acting hurt when I didn't invite him so I had to take him with me. The thing is that he acted very antisocial (despite the fact that he is the type to talk with everyone and he was good friends with more than half of the persons present there) and basically refused to talk to anyone there besides me. Literally.

So at the beginnibg of the night all of my classmates and teachers went to take group photos so I told him that I will go, too. It was a very important moment for me and my clasamates. So I told him I will be away for awhile and he remained in a seat moping, refusing to talk with anyone. I was away for about 15 minutes, because we made a lot of pictures, and when I came back to him he literally went home without telling me, because he got angry that I left him alone (i came to prom with him aka in his car and he just left me there and went home). I went outside to search for him, I started looking everywhere on the road if he took his car and parked it somewhere else but he just went home.

 

So I went back in and I didn't call him because I felt that what he did was really childish and immature. The guests were taking pictures again so I decided to act like nothing happened and went to them aswell. He started sending me texts like "you're not even calling me, you completely ignore me". After awhile I decided to call and just when I was about to do it I saw that he came back, approached me and started aggressively pulling at my skirt (in front of everyone) saying "come with me in this instant, i said faster". We went outside and I asked why he left. He told me that he felt ignored and went home and asked why I didn't call him. I told him what he did was awful and that I wasn't the one to call, but him, and that I decided to enjoy the rest of the time with my clasamates. He called me a "rude b*tch" (it was the first time he ever insulted me) and started grabing my arms, pushing me etc in a very angry way. He was looking at me in a completely terrifying way. I was almost sure that he would slap me and I really started fearing him. It wasn't the first time he had that reaction, in the last month he started having lots of anger issues (not physical abuse or anything).

 

I was completely hurt and dissappointed and I legit wanted to break up with him in that instant, yet I somehow managed to control myself. We went back inside and I wanted to atleast enjoy my night. I asked him to dance so many times yet he didn't want to, and if I wanted to go and dance with the rest he started saying "oh you leave me alone again, like I ****ing matter, why did you bring me with you anyway?" but i didn't bring him with me, I knew he would do something like that, he demanded that he would come and I couldn't oppose.

 

So I spent the last night that I had to spend together with my friends in a chair next to my upset boyfriend, while everyone was having fun. He kept arguing with me the whole night and everyone was looking at us. I felt really ashamed and he completely ruined my night, I know for sure that without him there I would have actually felt more happy and able to party. It was supposed to be a very important event with my classmates and I was waiting for it since I was in 9th grade.

 

TL;DR; : bf demanded that I take him with me at prom, got angry when I went to take pictures with my classmates, went home and came back after I refused to call, started pulling at me aggressively and called me a "rude b*tch". He made me spend the rest of the night next to him in a chair and my prom night was ruined + he argued with me the whole night in front of everyone.

 

I can't break up with him now since finals are coming and I don't want him to fail because of me. What should I do? Am I exaggerating this issue? Was what he did normal?

 

I can't break up with him now since finals are coming and I don't want him to fail because of me. -- It is not your responsibility to make sure he passes his exams. What he's been doing is not normal.

 

Break up with him now.