JaneyJ1991 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 (edited) Quick rundown of the facts: I've been seeing this guy since March. We go out 2-4 times a week. He's met my family (unavoidable--I live with them right now), I've met his family. He's very good to me, he's good to my family, I have a great time with him. He calls me now at night, and we talk for an hour or more, just to talk. We're not exclusive. And he's NEVER ever, ever, ever, ever even attempted to ask me to be exclusive. We met on Tinder A couple weeks ago, he sent me a screenshot of his tinder (I'm not sure what that was suppose to prove) and said, "See? Look? I don't even message girls on there." Supposedly, he just SWIPES? Like..How is that believable? What would the point be? I've been telling myself, "This is okay, because I don't have to commit. Commitment never ends well." I've been cheated on, I have some commitment fear myself. Since we started going out...I haven't actively been seeking dates (in fact, I haven't gone on any). I have tinder, but I won't go on for days/week..And then I log on for the first time in 4 days, and it says "xxxx WAS ACTIVE 2 HOURS AGO." Today we had a really fun date..and he texted me afterwards, something about how he'd wanted to make out with me in my driveway..I'm like awww...But for some reason my stomach made me want to check: He was active 11 minutes prior. So literally while he's texting me sweet nothings, he's swiping on tinder. It makes me really feel weird, because it makes me wonder honestly, if the condom wrapper I found under his bed weeks ago..Wasn't really from March at all. I have no way to prove it. I haven't found any others. His phone doesn't blow up with tinder messages when I'm with him, or texts from other women. I'm finally wondering...If I shouldn't go on some other dates. But I feel so weird considering going on other dates. Am I being disloyal if we're not exclusive, but I go on another date? In this circumstance? Generally, he takes up most of my weekend, so I don't have the desire to try to plan something with other guys. Also, our plans he doesn't give me much notice--today's date was planned yesterday, but usually, it's DAY OF plans. Which kinds of peeves me. Example: It's Friday night. We currently have no plans. Also, last night while he was debating if he wanted to do something very responsible..I started having this thought. And I finally replied to guys that had gone long un-answered on tinder. And then after messaging one..i realized why he looked familiar--he's fairly close facebook friends with the guy've been seeing. Oh how perfect. Meanwhile, I have a friend--or at least, I've been under the impression we're JUST FRIENDS--who keeps inviting me to lunch, etc etc. And i'm starting to get the vibe..He's trying to take his shot he missed a few years ago. I know this is a long garbled mess of a post..But I guess what I'm saying..Am I doing anything wrong by going on other dates if we're not exclusive, but we're where were at? Should I be feeling the way I'm feeling? Edited May 30, 2015 by JaneyJ1991 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 No, both of you are ok with not being exclusive. I'm not sure how you are feeling. Seems like you want to be both exclusive & not exclusive. Would your feelings of not wanting to commit change if he asked to be exclusive & deleted his Tinder? Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 If you're okay with not being exclusive, then you have every right to keep mingling with others, and by mingling, I mean responding to others' messages/invitations as you so desire. Is he feeling disloyal for still frequenting tinder and even going so far as to show you he still swipes? So there ya go. He's not exactly the most considerate guy for not giving much advance notice on plans. If you're not okay with the lack of exclusivity/commitment, this calls for a conversation with him and if you're not on the same page, you can then decide from there what to do. My thought is that your actions prove that you're more respectful of this thing you have going on with him that he is. You don't go on tinder much anymore and you're concerned with being disloyal by dating others. So even if you feel like you don't need commitment based on your past experiences or whatever, are you sure you really don't? I mean, your actions and thoughts kind of demonstrate otherwise. Not that there is anything wrong with if you truly don't want a commitment, and if that is truly the case, I mean... here you have your perfect non committal comrade... Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Nothing wrong with you dating other people in this situation. It sound like you two spend an awful lot of time together for two people who are not in a committed relationship. I would either talk about going exclusive, or start dating other people and cut well back on how often you see him. Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 This relationship (for lack of a better word) has had nothing but problems from the beginning. It sounds like there have been too many issues for such a short period of time. It shouldn't be this difficult or confusing. At this point you should probably decide if you want to be exclusive with him or not. If you do, tell him, if not, stop seeing him and start dating other people. One of the most important things you have to figure out is can or will you ever trust him? Once you have established that, you will know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 You have to decide if this guy is someone you want first, if it isn't then finish it and start dating other people, don't hang about wasting time. Or tell him you want to be FWB only and make it clear, you may date other people, unless you both want exclusivity. If you do want him, then dating other people is going to put him off you completely, I guess. Few men, even men who are seeing other women, want their gf seeing other men. I think you need to have a talk with him as to where he sees the relationship going and you can then base what you want to do on that, depending on his replies. Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I think you are no less guilty then he is. you say you goto tinder to check on him but im certain you check your profile all the time. you dont want a commitmment. thats fine. and youre asking if its ok to date others. put yourself in the situation that he may be also. he may be screweing other girls and holding u on the burner till he can. nothing is ever one sided. there is a mismatch here on connecting what kind of relationship you have. you both didnt set it. you both seem to be in it with one foot in the door and youre also not 100% sure if you want to walk in the the doorway or out. decide what you want, then confront him. personally im not a multidater and would never date a multidater. if youre enjoying time with him, confront him and try to see what his thoughts are and you mus decide asw ell Link to post Share on other sites
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