Middle of the night rant about double standards

[mortensorchid]

I'm 40. I hate to say it but I think I really screwed up in life. I have had boyfriends in the past, it' s not like I am 18 and a virgin. Because I am not. I have done just about every venture possible to try and meet others. I have had every man I have ever been with (as an adult not counting my high school sweetheart) dump me for some trashy girl. They end up marrying those trashy girls and are now divorced from them. I have also dated losers who dumped me for one reason or another and they are in LTRs with trashy girls or have screwed their lives up. I loom at them and say that they truly are fools because they would rather have trashy girls who treat them badly. I think it is a double standard of sorts : it's assumed that women go for BadBoys but men go for Bad Girls as well. And they get just as burned by them.

 

Why is this the case? Well they (as in men) are just as guilty and they feel that they have done nothing wrong. It was a sad day when I realized that when my hs sweetheart and I broke up 20 years ago that I really REALLY missed the boat in life. I am an educated person, most people I have worked with over the years were not. They say that one should only go for and be with other educated people. That to me is a load of garbage. I wouldn't have had a social life if I limited myself to that. I keep trying not to be bitter or angry about it, but it's getting harder.

[jen1447]

I suppose there's some truth to the bad boys/bad girls thing.

[Toodaloo]

MC you have not missed the boat.

 

I can tell you now that many normal every day guys get missed for the simple reason that they just don't speak up out of fear of rejection and we women are all lead to believe that we can't just talk to them...

 

I know you are really low at the moment about all this. What I think you should do is spend some time looking after yourself and treating yourself. Get some friends together and go to a spa, get your nails and hair done, go and take up a new hobby or something.

 

Just stop sitting there thinking about all this stuff as its driving you nuts.

 

The good guys want you as you are and sane not as crazy lady....

 

Chin up chook. I know its difficult and I completely understand how you are feeling because I get it too! But you and I just have to keep going.

 

If it mean anything to you my sister in law only got together with my brother at 41 and they had their first child recently - she is 43...

 

You do have time. I know you don't think you do but you do! Hang in there chick.

[Bito]

Double standards are indeed bullcrap. Blaming or labeling an entire gender or group of people is doing yourself a huge disservice.

 

Nothing wrong with being single either if your frustrated with daiting.

 

Also your fooling yourself if you think your high school sweetheart was your one shoot at happiness. (at least o think that's what your implying by missing the boat).

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Why did things end with your HS sweetheart?

 

 

Is there a possibility that you are sabotaging your relationships, because of what happened with your HS sweetie?

[Emilia]

I think the problem is that you have never really paid attention to the advice given here. Many told you to be more assertive, to move on from men that were users and to select decent guys rather than allow talkers to blind you. Only yourself to blame IMO.

[fitnessfan365]

My ideal woman would have a mix. Bad girl in bed with a playful sense of humor that knows how to be visually feminine. But at the same time, she's loyal, genuine, and has integrity.

 

But in my experience, women usually fall into one category or the other. It's REALLY hard to find a woman that has both.

[Ruby Slippers]

I will simply restate the same comment I have made in every thread of yours: You have a negative outlook on life, and as long as you perpetuate that, you will continue to attract negative people and situations into your life.

 

I have 101 complaints I could list about my life right now. (We all do.) I could focus on them, chew on them, let my bitterness about them totally consume me.

 

But I choose instead to focus on what is good in my life, what I'm blessed to have, and a result, I keep attracting more good things. People notice my positive attitude and are magnetized to me because of it, especially people on the same positive wavelength. I'm getting so good at focusing on the positive and not focusing on the negative that I feel I've hit a powerful stride where I am attracting all good things to me in big waves!

 

I sincerely hope that will find the capacity within yourself to embrace the good things, and discard the bad. You can find many tips and tricks on how to do this, particularly in spiritually themed books and educational materials. A really simple way to start is by making a list of all the things you've thankful for. I have a thread on this forum doing exactly that. And I'll do a list in the moment right now. Maybe you can try the same when you're ready.

 

I'm thankful that I'm taking this fun music festival camping trip tomorrow!

I'm thankful that my hard work is paying off and I could afford to get the cool teepee tent that I wanted.

I'm thankful that I had a wonderful first date last night that ended with an intense, passionate, connected kiss that made me tingle!

I'm thankful that it's a beautiful, sunny day. This will make it so much easier to do my final trip preparations, including checking the tires and fluids in my car.

I'm thankful that I was able to push through and work really hard last week so I could relax and spend time preparing for my trip this week.

I'm thankful that I'm in the best physical condition in at least 2 years, and I'm ready to get into the best shape of my life.

 

I could go on and on and on. Or I could go on and on and on about what is NOT working, what makes me UNhappy - and focusing my energy on that wavelength would keep more bad things coming my way.

 

I hope that you find the strength within to shift your focus to a more positive, pleasing, happy wavelength.

[johndoe2]

You have a negative outlook on life, and as long as you perpetuate that, you will continue to attract negative people and situations into your life.

And I think this advice is of questionable worth at least half the time. For one, in daily life, people don't separate out according to their 'outlook on life' like oil and water. And two: in life, people and their moods are at least as much a product of the situations as the producers of them. In life things good and bad happen for particular reasons, not because of a person 'gives off' good/bad "energy" or whatever superstitious self help nonsense to which some attribute good and bad fortune alike.

[neowulf]

And I think this advice is of questionable worth at least half the time. For one, in daily life, people don't separate out according to their 'outlook on life' like oil and water. And two: in life, people and their moods are at least as much a product of the situations as the producers of them. In life things good and bad happen for particular reasons, not because of a person 'gives off' good/bad "energy" or whatever superstitious self help nonsense to which some attribute good and bad fortune alike.

 

It's more about the filter who view life through. Many people go through horrible events, yet still manage to to move forward and find the good in their life.

 

It's not that you "control" what happens to you. It's that you develop an outlook on life that allows you to focus on what you do have, instead of constantly lamenting what you don't.