zyphfly Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I'd been developing a crush on this girl for a while, finally decided I would just go for it, but I didn't want to come on too strong or make her uncomfortable (not to mention, I honestly just wanted to get to know her outside of her job, I don't even really know enough to know if we'd be compatible long term) so I asked her out to lunch on her break from work. I figured this would give us a finite window of time, keep things casual so neither of us would feel trapped if it wasn't going well, etc. So, I want to keep this somewhat vague obviously, but the short version is…we spent some time talking at her work, before it was time for her break, she did seem genuinely interested in going with me, even telling a co-worker that she couldn't get lunch with her because she now had plans (this was while I was standing next to her). So everything is good, I'm chatting with some of the other employees there that I know, because I know she has work to do, and I'm waiting for her break to start. Finally it's about time for her break, so I say to her "would you like to go with me now?" and all of a sudden the excuses start rolling out…"I'm not sure if my boss will let me" (He would), "I'm not sure if I should, I have a lot of work to do" (fair enough), "I brought food from home, I shouldn't waste it" (where was this food 30 mins ago?), etc. Sensing her obvious (though sudden and somewhat puzzling) discomfort, though I was REALLY looking forward to this, I said to her "No worries, please don't feel weird about this, if you don't want to go, or you feel like you shouldn't, that's totally okay, no hurt feelings". Even though I was kind of dying of nerves on the inside, I tried to just play it as cool as possible, so we pretty much left it at that. If I'm being honest though, since then it's driving me a little crazy. There is a good possibility that she is dating someone, but if that's the case, why did she seemingly agree to go with me in the first place? Also, why not just tell me that as a way out? I might not have liked it, but I would've totally respected it. This has felt very strange for me, as I can't seem to stop replaying it in my head, I haven't felt outright rejection like that probably since high school. She wasn't mean about it in anyway, just awkward, to the point I felt like I needed to give her a way out because she didn't know how to say it herself. I know this all might sound really pathetic, but it's had me very sad. Like I must really suck, if leftovers from home seemed more appealing than a free lunch with me haha. The worst part though? I'm still interested in her. I would never want to do anything that would make her uncomfortable at work, but I still can't help but feel like this might be worth pursuing in some way. We have mutual friends, from whom I've learned a lot of little details about her, that give me a good indication that we could potentially be a nice match for each other, and I'd really love the chance to find out, but after that rather disastrous last attempt, I'm not sure what to do. In the mean time, the whole thing has me over thinking and bummed. Any thoughts?
madjac74 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 It almost sounds to me like some of her friends may have talked her out of it for some reason. Just talk to her about it and it may save you a whole lot of anguish.
Simpleoldschool Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Hey man I like your style, Keeping it cool was the right thing to do. Often time's you can feel a certain level of attraction for someone but remember, plenty of women out there where the situation is easier for you to get to know them. Thing is, in these situations you have to play it like a salesmen but no when there's no deal to make. You just have to reasonable and overcome objection with a smile. In that event I might have smiled and said " Well, as long as i get you back in thirty minutes you can definitely have some fun in your routine, you can eat your lunch later and it wont be wasted, and ill pay for a 30 minute mini-date" then say something along the line's of "sounds like a pretty good deal for you, I'm somewhat jealous." she might laugh, she might not if she doesnt she lacks a sense of humor. If you can't get that out and you feel like your wasting your time find another girl. I know you may have noticed her but at the last minute she could have either been too busy and something actually wound up happening in between the short amount of time when she was working. simply put ask her when a better time is for her to open up another chance, but i feel like it would have had to have been then and there. the only redemption you have is when you go in next time dress hella sharp, exude some self confidence, buy something and as your about to leave re-open that possibility by saying something like " Hey, I know you were busy the other day and i respect that . is there another time your available or some-time I could take you out and show you something better than your usual 9-5 ." If anything get her digits and don't give a **** who is around. If it doesnt work out, smile and say something that isnt rude.Hope this helps, may be better advice out there.
jen1447 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 You handled the exit well, so take some comfort in that. But she's bscly told you one of two things here - she's either flaky/goofy, or she's just not interested. Both mean the same thing for you, there's nothing there to chase. You have to work with her or whatever, so just to protect your dignity, the way to act at this point is friendly but reserved. Keep her at arm's length. Don't act like you've got a hangup about it. But if she starts turning on the charm again and hints at or suggests more lunches, I'd respectfully decline. That will put you back in the driver's seat socially. There's no future here but you don't want to become the disadvantaged kick dog at work, so stay above the fray. The precedent she's set here isn't a good one for you, what with her being as liberty to dismiss you on a whim, so take that control back and put her on the off list.
Elam Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I'd been developing a crush on this girl for a while, finally decided I would just go for it, but I didn't want to come on too strong or make her uncomfortable (not to mention, I honestly just wanted to get to know her outside of her job, I don't even really know enough to know if we'd be compatible long term) so I asked her out to lunch on her break from work. I figured this would give us a finite window of time, keep things casual so neither of us would feel trapped if it wasn't going well, etc. So, I want to keep this somewhat vague obviously, but the short version is…we spent some time talking at her work, before it was time for her break, she did seem genuinely interested in going with me, even telling a co-worker that she couldn't get lunch with her because she now had plans (this was while I was standing next to her). So everything is good, I'm chatting with some of the other employees there that I know, because I know she has work to do, and I'm waiting for her break to start. Finally it's about time for her break, so I say to her "would you like to go with me now?" and all of a sudden the excuses start rolling out…"I'm not sure if my boss will let me" (He would), "I'm not sure if I should, I have a lot of work to do" (fair enough), "I brought food from home, I shouldn't waste it" (where was this food 30 mins ago?), etc. Sensing her obvious (though sudden and somewhat puzzling) discomfort, though I was REALLY looking forward to this, I said to her "No worries, please don't feel weird about this, if you don't want to go, or you feel like you shouldn't, that's totally okay, no hurt feelings". Even though I was kind of dying of nerves on the inside, I tried to just play it as cool as possible, so we pretty much left it at that. If I'm being honest though, since then it's driving me a little crazy. There is a good possibility that she is dating someone, but if that's the case, why did she seemingly agree to go with me in the first place? Also, why not just tell me that as a way out? I might not have liked it, but I would've totally respected it. This has felt very strange for me, as I can't seem to stop replaying it in my head, I haven't felt outright rejection like that probably since high school. She wasn't mean about it in anyway, just awkward, to the point I felt like I needed to give her a way out because she didn't know how to say it herself. I know this all might sound really pathetic, but it's had me very sad. Like I must really suck, if leftovers from home seemed more appealing than a free lunch with me haha. The worst part though? I'm still interested in her. I would never want to do anything that would make her uncomfortable at work, but I still can't help but feel like this might be worth pursuing in some way. We have mutual friends, from whom I've learned a lot of little details about her, that give me a good indication that we could potentially be a nice match for each other, and I'd really love the chance to find out, but after that rather disastrous last attempt, I'm not sure what to do. In the mean time, the whole thing has me over thinking and bummed. Any thoughts? You're going to be rejected by women most of your life. Some of that rejection will happen because they are not attracted to you. Some women will rejected you even if they are attracted to you. Either because they have boyfriends, are not sure about your intentions, or they don't want a boyfriend at that time. When women are interested in a guy they aren't flakey. They don't play mind-games and they usually approach the guy they want(yes, it happens, often actually). The woman you are into is not interested in you. She's enjoying the attention you are freely providing you and she's probably with some other guy. Move on. There's plenty of women out there for you to meet.
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