babycakees Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Ok...So about 5 months, this guy I had always been kind of friendly with asked me out - in a rather round about way. At the time, I was not even feeling having any type of relationship and had kind of had my fill of dating. I never actually said no, I actually had been very vague with my response and said "sure" but when he asked what I'd like to do I was even more vague and said "I don't really care". Needless to say, we never went out because I was so vague in my response (and if memory serves correctly, I was supposed to get back to him on what I wanted to do). I will admit, I was honestly into him but didn't want to lead him on because I definitely did not want to date or have a relationship at that time. Fast forward to present day and we've stayed in touch. The last few weeks we've actually talked quite a bit and now I'm really into him. I feel genuinely awful about blowing him off the first time and not sure how to approach this at all. I'm not even sure if he's still into me (pretty sure he might because he does flirt with me). Basically I'm wondering if I should even try to approach the subject of going out now. I'm not entirely sure how he feels in regards to my vagueness the first time, but I just felt like the timing was not right. Any thoughts? Is it worth it to maybe bring it up? I personally feel like the ball is probably in my court still from before... Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 (edited) The problem you have is that guys are told by society that if a girl wants to go out with you not a tornado or the devil himself could stop you. This is what bro science says and it is drilled into our heads to only go for a girl once then walk away and bin the idea. As a guy, I know the actual truth which is that sometimes you just don't feel like being in a relationship or dating, we all go through it and even if my dream woman right now approached me I would question it because i'm going through a tough patch of getting over someone and enjoying being a hermit. You've already contacted him and got a conversation going so now bring it up. You need to explain to him why you did not feel like going out with him at the time and truthfully open up about your reasons why. If he believes you and thinks you are being genuine he will probably want to go out as long as he is single and interested in dating someone. Play it cool and just be genuine that is most important. Do not come across too interested as you want him to take over the lead but make your intentions clear. Edited May 24, 2015 by Dallers 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyDeadpool Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 You're over thinking it. You are at the very least friends and you already suspect he likes you. Ask him out and tell him that the reason you blew him off last time was because you had assumed he wanted a relationship and you weren't ready for that. If he still likes you and is ready for a relationship then your problem is solved. If he no longer likes you at least you cleared up the reasons for your brush-off months ago, and you can now focus on other things. Don't be afraid to but your heart on the line. That's not soley a man's job. Link to post Share on other sites
cessna Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 You're over thinking it. You are at the very least friends and you already suspect he likes you. Ask him out and tell him that the reason you blew him off last time was because you had assumed he wanted a relationship and you weren't ready for that. If he still likes you and is ready for a relationship then your problem is solved. If he no longer likes you at least you cleared up the reasons for your brush-off months ago, and you can now focus on other things. Don't be afraid to but your heart on the line. That's not soley a man's job. Couldn't agree more with this. Just be honest with him, people appreciate honesty hugely, and let him know why you didn't seem so keen at the time back. Tell him you're now in a better place and ready to date again if he would like to. Don't complicate things when things could be so much easier. And like LadyDeadpool said if he's not interested any more (I think he probably is) then at least you can clear yourself of feeling guilty by giving him the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Personally, I don't think you should "apologize" or explain what happened before. At least not at this stage. If you guys are still chatting I would just say "hey, I was hoping to check out xy restaurant, do you want to come" or "have you been to that new coffee shop" or whatever and then go out in a setting outside where you normally see each other (is it a work place thing that you still see him?). The guy should have been a bit more clear on his date intentions and invited you to something/somewhere instead of saying "What do you want to do"... That approach usually doesn't work with women for a first date. If you are out and you find him a bit hesitant then you could mention about what happened before to clear the air. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babycakees Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Thanks everyone! Maybe I am overthinking the whole thing. This is all kind of crazy and slightly new to me because it's many many years since I had feelings for a guy before going out with him. Usually I go out on dates with a guy and the feelings develop. Link to post Share on other sites
DoesntGetIt Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 There is a woman I was with for a bit who then decided to slow it down, long story short we decided to be friends with the future possibility there. From there, something happened ( I made a move, she was into it at the time, but then later decided she wasn't) and we stopped communicating all together for a while. A month later she started talking and flirting with me, but I was now at the point of not wanting to get burned again. We established a friendship, but I (and other people who know of it all) get the feeling she wants to try things again. I have no desire to be the one putting myself out there for a third time. So either she makes a move (which she likely never will because she never makes the first move), or nothing ever happens again. Long story short, you made sure it didn't turn into something before, but now you're interested. So go make the first move. Ask him out to something. Odds are high that he will say yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babycakees Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 I am glad to see most of you think I am overreacting about this! Definitely makes me feel better. Thanks everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
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