Why did he lie and say he was seeing someone?

[mysteriouschic]

We've kissed and done more than that. We used to speak a lot more. The last time I saw him he said "love you see you later" which was a few months ago now. I We'd been planning to meet again for a while just talking about it but it wouldn't happen.

I texted him this last week"Hey (name), haven't heard from you in a while. I miss you. Did I say or do anything to offend you in anyway?"

He replied right away saying "Haha no you didn't offend me (name) just been so busy lately I'm sorry in work and football x"

We spoke back and forth for a while on last Saturday. A little on Friday . YesterdayI sent text this message

'Hey (name), will you ever want to meet again or spend time together since it’s been so long since the last time? I’m still missing you so just be honest with me?"

He text back hey (name) I'm currently seeing someone so can't see you anymore very sorry x"

He was definitely lying I just said ok thanks for telling me. Friday he texted "can I see you?" this was soon after I'd unmatched him on tinder I replied thought you were seeing someone what happened to her he said said forget her then I said "so you're not seeing anyone he said correct x confirming the lie" so I asked when he wanted to see me he said tonight he'll be home in 2hours darling x

We met up some sex stuff but he couldn't get hard for the 3rd time he got upset left the room we cuddled for long he said he had to go to work looking stressed over it. He paid for my taxi as we hugged tightly in the doorway as it arrived. It seems like he has anxiety or something? he looked pretty defeated I just comforted as much as I can holding him tight saying not to worry etc.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Who knows, who cares. I tend to avoid people that can't be honest & open with me. Life is too short for games.

[Buddhist]

He's either a liar or a basket case. I wouldn't date either. Come on, I'm seeing someone...oops! I forgot I wasn't. What is that?

[todreaminblue]

I know women do it alot say they are seeing someone and actually arent...maybe he didnt want to be pressured......doesnt excuse the lie but it might explain it a little....as far as meeting you and having sex straight away...doesnt really bode well for anything serious being in store.....deb

[ExpatInItaly]

He said that because he probably had another girl he was interested in. When that didn't pan out he came back to you. He's in it just for sex. Are you?

[mysteriouschic]

The girl didn't exist.

We had been speaking a lot before that. He'd become flaky after a while.

Thats where I was upfront asked if he wanted to spend more time together etc.

Which he lied making up he had a girlfriend. I just accepted it moved on deleted his number etc.

Speaking to other guys. We met on tinder anyway so Friday yesterday I unmatched him. Later that day he randomly text me. I don't know if he noticed I unmatched him? cause it was just strange how he text me just like that.

I feel like there is something there he's holding back just can't seem to relax around me getting anxious.

I just texted after "back home now was lovely seeing you xx"

We were more cuddly last night he let me comfort him more holding and hugging him after . He looked really defeated over it.

He won't be thinking it's my fault?

[mysteriouschic]

He said that because he probably had another girl he was interested in. When that didn't pan out he came back to you. He's in it just for sex. Are you?

 

The girl wasn't real he made her up at the time the girl doesn't exist.

We were only not talking for a week. I unmatched him on tinder last night soon after he text me. I don't know if he saw I wasn't going to chase him anymore etc

Feel like there is something there he's just holding back and anxious over everything thats happened not feeling confident in sex or anything.

I don't know if I should suggest spending more time doing other things.

Maybe I just let him come to me? have in the past he just can't seem to get other what happens .

I'm not sure what I'm in it for but I do like him and attracted to him.

[mysteriouschic]

I know women do it alot say they are seeing someone and actually arent...maybe he didnt want to be pressured......doesnt excuse the lie but it might explain it a little....as far as meeting you and having sex straight away...doesnt really bode well for anything serious being in store.....deb

 

We've met up before so it's not the first time we've done that. He probably was pressured I had be maybe chasing him asking him to meet or do things. In which he'd agree or other times cancel on the day etc. Thats when I just went honest with him asked if he wants to see me again then he made the girl up. I left it as that. That situation has happened before only this time he allowed me to comfort him and hug him after more many times tight not a complete avoid.

Just hugging tight for some time after.

You know I actually unmatched him on tinder yesterday as I thought he lost interest etc then that night he contacted me so I'm wondering if he noticed I unmatched him on tinder realised I wasn't chasing him anymore?

Thats when he text me seemed to be planning to see me , an sent a snapchat picture of himself normal selfie. So I guess I had been pressuring him a bit to meet up or chasing only when I stopped he came to me?

[GemmaUK]

Sounds to me like he doesn't want to date you which is why he made up the girl he was seeing.

However, you getting in touch gave him an open door to get some action when he felt like it and at short notice.

 

If you want to be FWB then great, if not then forget about him.

[angel.eyes]

Exactly.

 

If a guy is not continuing to ask you out on dates, he doesn't want to date you. Bugging him won't change his assessment of your relationship potential. The fact that you asked repeatedly for another date, and he either came up with excuses or cancelled at the last minute means that he had zero interest in dating you. At this point, the best you can hope for is to be his FWB. Just let it go and move on to someone else.

[elaine567]

I don't now why he lied, he may or may not have a gf, but mysteriouschic the thing here that you need to take away from this, is the fact he didn't come running at the mere mention of your name.

He wasn't full of apologies and determined to get you back and make a go of it.

 

Sounds like he dismissed you on first re-contact, thought better of it and came looking for some free sex.

I guess he does have a gf and he at first declined but then decided to cheat on her.

The look you describe is anxiety and guilt.

You won't hear from him until he is again horny.

[kendahke]

it sounds like he was more interested in having a sex buddy than he was in you becoming his girlfriend. You wouldn't get the hint, so he made up a lie to shake you off.

 

So yeah, if you want to meet up and do sex stuff, keep throwing yourself at him. Sex will never make a guy want a relationship with you, so stop doing sex stuff with him if that's what you're after and find a guy who wants a girlfriend.

 

I also have to disagree with you, OP: I think there is another chick in the mix. You don't know everything there is to know about him. Failure to get it up, outside of being too drunk, which he wasn't according to your post or medical issues which he doesn't appear to have, can more than likely be guilt based from self reproach.

Edited May 23, 2015 by kendahke

[mysteriouschic]

Sounds to me like he doesn't want to date you which is why he made up the girl he was seeing.

However, you getting in touch gave him an open door to get some action when he felt like it and at short notice.

 

If you want to be FWB then great, if not then forget about him.

 

Oh he texted me I never contacted him.

[mysteriouschic]

it sounds like he was more interested in having a sex buddy than he was in you becoming his girlfriend. You wouldn't get the hint, so he made up a lie to shake you off.

 

So yeah, if you want to meet up and do sex stuff, keep throwing yourself at him. Sex will never make a guy want a relationship with you, so stop doing sex stuff with him if that's what you're after and find a guy who wants a girlfriend.

 

I also have to disagree with you, OP: I think there is another chick in the mix. You don't know everything there is to know about him. Failure to get it up, outside of being too drunk, which he wasn't according to your post or medical issues which he doesn't appear to have, can more than likely be guilt based from self reproach.

 

It's not our first time we've done this.

I think he's chatting to other girls for sure but nothing out from it.

Almost certain the girl is made up . But like he text me almost as soon as I unmatched him on tinder?

What do I say the next time he texts me?

Do I say I'm not looking for just sex if he wants to spend time together.

I feel like he has got anxiety he's not a confident guy he was more romantic hugging today.

[mysteriouschic]

I don't now why he lied, he may or may not have a gf, but mysteriouschic the thing here that you need to take away from this, is the fact he didn't come running at the mere mention of your name.

He wasn't full of apologies and determined to get you back and make a go of it.

 

Sounds like he dismissed you on first re-contact, thought better of it and came looking for some free sex.

I guess he does have a gf and he at first declined but then decided to cheat on her.

The look you describe is anxiety and guilt.

You won't hear from him until he is again horny.

 

 

Yeah he hasn't got a girlfriend made that up. He said he lied about the "Seeing someone" that he isn't seeing anyone..

I won't contact him anymore . He texted me first though I stopped texting him this week and I even deleted his number and yesterday I unmatched him on tinder then very soon after he text me.

It was just strange it was soon after the unmatching. It's like when I stop chasing him he chases me?

[elaine567]

Yeah he hasn't got a girlfriend made that up. He said he lied about the "Seeing someone" that he isn't seeing anyone..

I won't contact him anymore . He texted me first though I stopped texting him this week and I even deleted his number and yesterday I unmatched him on tinder then very soon after he text me.

It was just strange it was soon after the unmatching. It's like when I stop chasing him he chases me?

Men need space sometimes to think things through, the space gave him time to consider your offer of sex on a plate, I guess your tinder activity was a coincidence.

[mysteriouschic]

Men need space sometimes to think things through, the space gave him time to consider your offer of sex on a plate, I guess your tinder activity was a coincidence.

 

I always knew the girl was made up ofcourse I wasn't going to say that to him when he mentioned seeing someone. I just accepted it and moved on deleted his number thinking he's not interested but I had a feeling he'd text again wasn't sure when. I don't know if he was feeling the pressure? like we weren't on the same level I seemed more into him?

And I delete him on tinder an he texts me later that day might've checked on me? That showed I wouldn't be chasing him anymore?

 

I've never really offered sex to him on a plate I said spend time together or meet again.

Was I right to go out to him last night? I only went to see what he'd do as it seemed different behaviour to what he's done in the past.

 

Did I handle him ok when his issues arose telling him it's ok not to worry etc?

he seems like he wants to please me so bad at the time almost certain it's anxiety that why I just indirectly was saying "don't think about it too much" it ok don't worry as I knew he was. He still cuddled and hugged after for a while 10-15mins.

[jen1447]

"I'm too busy" is almost always a lie designed to cover lack of interest. Sorry. (He wasn't "too busy" when it came time to hook up and fool around, right? Did football suddenly end?)

 

I agree with Gemma that when you re-contacted he probably thought "hm, easy booty call." I'd flush the turd and find a new better guy.

[mysteriouschic]

"I'm too busy" is almost always a lie designed to cover lack of interest. Sorry. (He wasn't "too busy" when it came time to hook up and fool around, right? Did football suddenly end?)

 

I agree with Gemma that when you re-contacted he probably thought "hm, easy booty call." I'd flush the turd and find a new better guy.

 

No the football season had come to an end.

I don't usually go out to him he wasn't drunk either when we met up.

[stillafool]

I texted him this last week"Hey (name), haven't heard from you in a while. I miss you. Did I say or do anything to offend you in anyway?"

He replied right away saying "Haha no you didn't offend me (name) just been so busy lately I'm sorry in work and football x"

We spoke back and forth for a while on last Saturday. A little on Friday .

 

YesterdayI sent text this message

'Hey (name), will you ever want to meet again or spend time together since it’s been so long since the last time? I’m still missing you so just be honest with me?"

He text back hey (name) I'm currently seeing someone so can't see you anymore very sorry x"

He was definitely lying I just said ok thanks for telling me.

 

Friday he texted "can I see you?" this was soon after I'd unmatched him on tinder I replied thought you were seeing someone what happened to her he said said forget her then I said "so you're not seeing anyone he said correct x confirming the lie" so I asked when he wanted to see me he said tonight he'll be home in 2hours darling x

 

We met up some sex stuff but he couldn't get hard for the 3rd time he got upset left the room we cuddled for long he said he had to go to work looking stressed over it. He paid for my taxi as we hugged tightly in the doorway as it arrived. It seems like he has anxiety or something? he looked pretty defeated I just comforted as much as I can holding him tight saying not to worry etc.

 

Oh he texted me I never contacted him.

 

It looks to me that you are doing most of the contacting from what you posted.

 

I don't think he wants to be bothered anymore. No man is going to say he is seeing another woman unless he is or simply trying to get rid of you. He may have another woman and something may have happened between them that angered him which made him call you for sex. When he tried to have sex with you something in his mind was blocking his erection (probably her) and he couldn't perform sex with you.

 

I think you should believe him that there is another woman and leave this guy alone. You are doing too much of the work with little results.

[mysteriouschic]

It looks to me that you are doing most of the contacting from what you posted.

 

I don't think he wants to be bothered anymore. No man is going to say he is seeing another woman unless he is or simply trying to get rid of you. He may have another woman and something may have happened between them that angered him which made him call you for sex. When he tried to have sex with you something in his mind was blocking his erection (probably her) and he couldn't perform sex with you.

 

I think you should believe him that there is another woman and leave this guy alone. You are doing too much of the work with little results.

 

Oh but this has happened before so it's not the first time.

100% certain he isn't seeing anyone just lied as a easier let down.

He admitted there is no girl. He text early.

He's always had the sex issue I have a strong feeling he's anxious about the pressure.

But do think I was chasing too much now I'm backing off he seems to prefer that. I still feel he likes me in some way I just know how he is when I see him.

[Redhead14]

We've kissed and done more than that. We used to speak a lot more. The last time I saw him he said "love you see you later" which was a few months ago now. I We'd been planning to meet again for a while just talking about it but it wouldn't happen.

I texted him this last week"Hey (name), haven't heard from you in a while. I miss you. Did I say or do anything to offend you in anyway?"

He replied right away saying "Haha no you didn't offend me (name) just been so busy lately I'm sorry in work and football x"

We spoke back and forth for a while on last Saturday. A little on Friday . YesterdayI sent text this message

'Hey (name), will you ever want to meet again or spend time together since it’s been so long since the last time? I’m still missing you so just be honest with me?"

He text back hey (name) I'm currently seeing someone so can't see you anymore very sorry x"

He was definitely lying I just said ok thanks for telling me. Friday he texted "can I see you?" this was soon after I'd unmatched him on tinder I replied thought you were seeing someone what happened to her he said said forget her then I said "so you're not seeing anyone he said correct x confirming the lie" so I asked when he wanted to see me he said tonight he'll be home in 2hours darling x

We met up some sex stuff but he couldn't get hard for the 3rd time he got upset left the room we cuddled for long he said he had to go to work looking stressed over it. He paid for my taxi as we hugged tightly in the doorway as it arrived. It seems like he has anxiety or something? he looked pretty defeated I just comforted as much as I can holding him tight saying not to worry etc.

 

He's keeping you on the back burner. He probably was seeing someone else or others and when she or they aren't available or drop him, he's still got you in the wings.

 

As far as the not being able to perform for the 3rd time, oh well. Maybe he feels guilty for stringing you along, maybe he's cheating on whomever he's seeing, maybe it's anxiety and or guilt, maybe, maybe. It doesn't matter. Unless and until he starts being consistent with communication and setting up proper dates, you should assume he's not that invested.

[Lois_Griffin]

Oh but this has happened before so it's not the first time.

100% certain he isn't seeing anyone just lied as a easier let down.

He admitted there is no girl. He text early.

He's always had the sex issue I have a strong feeling he's anxious about the pressure.

But do think I was chasing too much now I'm backing off he seems to prefer that. I still feel he likes me in some way I just know how he is when I see him.

Every single person who has offered the benefit of their wisdom (and who are probably older and wiser as I'm assuming you're extremely young) has been right on the money. And each and every reply you've received, you've made a host of excuses as to why they cant possibly be right.

 

Well, they ARE right.

 

This isn't rocket science!

 

He's just not that into you and you refuse to accept it.

 

You haven't seen the guy for months - that's your FIRST CLUE that he's not interested. If he were, you would have seen him a hell of a lot more than in those few months. It's not like he lives in another country or something.

 

When you ask a guy to spend time with you and he tells you he already has someone else he's seeing or interested in, that's your clue that he's NOT INTERENSTED.

 

It sounds like he keeps you around as an OPTION. That's why he suddenly reappeared when you deleted his number and unmatched him from that abomination called Tinder. Because even though he's not interested, he still wants to keep you an option.

 

I wont be back to read your reply because it's just going to be full of protestations about how wrong I am and how right you are - even though all the empirical evidence proves otherwise.

[mysteriouschic]

I will stop chasing him now for sure I am still speaking to other guys.

In the mean time just letting him come to me if he does just not focusing on him anymore .

Just keeping to date around. I still think I'm the only girl he's met so far with the sex thing he doesn't seem the most experienced either .

[kendahke]

It's not our first time we've done this.

What do I say the next time he texts me?

Do I say I'm not looking for just sex if he wants to spend time together.

I feel like he has got anxiety he's not a confident guy he was more romantic hugging today.

 

Or he's really good at his manipulation game.

 

If you don't know what your boundaries/bottom line are, then you need to come to an understanding on that really quickly; otherwise, you're sending out mixed signals by going along with being his sex buddy when you're wanting to be his girlfriend. Spending time with him is going to lead to sex because you've already set that precedence with him.

 

You can't sex a man into a relationship. All you can sex a man into is sex when he feels like having it with you; when he's done, he has no use for you in his space. Is that what you want?

 

From what you've written in this thread, he sounds like a guy who doesn't want you as his girlfriend.

 

and I still disagree with you. He's got someone else and he's telling you what he needs to tell you to keep you at bay, only to reel you in when he feels like smashing.

Edited May 24, 2015 by kendahke