RachyB Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Hi all! I have recently began a relationship with a second generation Greek man. I am an Australian lady who happens to consider herself to be British, just to add some context to this scenario. Whilst we have only been dating for a few months, a few issues have started to creep up and I am wanting opinions as to whether maybe I am overreacting or if this could possibly be a cultural thing? The first issue. He called my university degree "useless." I am currently studying to work in welfare and whilst I do find academic life to be arduous, I am generally passionate about where my degree can lead me, especially in regards to being able to live/travel in places such as London. Last night we are discussing university when he informs me that anything other than engineering, science, maths or technology is completely useless. Now I do not know whether I should find this offensive or not, but I did. It feels as if he is trying to rain on my parade in a sense. When I informed him of my feelings he was really arrogant about it! He is coming back to university next semester and after suggesting I switch to a science degree he wanted to coordinate study schedules! The second issue. He told me I am annoying. Now I am a friendly person, that is how I have always been. When I drink I do tend to be a little more friendly, but not in the sense that I hit on everyone, more like I enjoy getting to know people and asking people questions. I don't believe this is a problem and his friends seem to genuinely like me. Not him though. Oh no, he informs me that my behaviour is "generally bothersome and not necessary." Third issue. When I get upset he tells me I am being emotional and ridculous. Now I am usually getting upset because of something he has said, such as calling me annoying, telling me my opinion is stupid (I respect his even if I disagree). Anyway, he tells me that I need to stop making this a regular occurence because it is also genuinely bothersome. Am I overreacting? Are these normal things? I don't know. I guess I just expected to not encounter such issues this early in! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 One: Red Flag. Two: Huge red flag. Three: Why are you still wondering? He sounds like a Misogynistic, male chauvinist. I'd leave him to a nice Greek woman who will knock him into shape like her momma would, and abandon this ship... Pretty damn quick...! At least she could wield a rolling pin in a language he will completely get...! I'm sorry, he's insulting, patronising, rude and presumptuous. And those just sound like his good qualities.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Hi all! I have recently began a relationship with a second generation Greek man. I am an Australian lady who happens to consider herself to be British, just to add some context to this scenario. Whilst we have only been dating for a few months, a few issues have started to creep up and I am wanting opinions as to whether maybe I am overreacting or if this could possibly be a cultural thing? The first issue. He called my university degree "useless." I am currently studying to work in welfare and whilst I do find academic life to be arduous, I am generally passionate about where my degree can lead me, especially in regards to being able to live/travel in places such as London. Last night we are discussing university when he informs me that anything other than engineering, science, maths or technology is completely useless. Now I do not know whether I should find this offensive or not, but I did. It feels as if he is trying to rain on my parade in a sense. When I informed him of my feelings he was really arrogant about it! He is coming back to university next semester and after suggesting I switch to a science degree he wanted to coordinate study schedules! The second issue. He told me I am annoying. Now I am a friendly person, that is how I have always been. When I drink I do tend to be a little more friendly, but not in the sense that I hit on everyone, more like I enjoy getting to know people and asking people questions. I don't believe this is a problem and his friends seem to genuinely like me. Not him though. Oh no, he informs me that my behaviour is "generally bothersome and not necessary." Third issue. When I get upset he tells me I am being emotional and ridculous. Now I am usually getting upset because of something he has said, such as calling me annoying, telling me my opinion is stupid (I respect his even if I disagree). Anyway, he tells me that I need to stop making this a regular occurence because it is also genuinely bothersome. Am I overreacting? Are these normal things? I don't know. I guess I just expected to not encounter such issues this early in! Three strikes -- he's out. He's nothing but critical of you. Why would you tolerate that from anyone? It's a good thing you encountered this early in. He's showing his true colors already -- that's a good thing. Find someone who supports your passions, someone who likes your friendliness and someone who respects your opinions (even if they don't agree) and someone who doesn't think you're annoying. This man isn't treating you with respect. You never compromise on that ever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyDeadpool Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Hahaha. I'm sorry that I laughed but this guy is ridiculous. Dump him. Who is he to judge you, and what is he? Five? Only kids think insulting their crush is a good romance tactic. He will most likely be alone for the rest of his life unless he finds a female version of himself. When you dump him make it concise, straight to the point, and if he asks you why, just say "because you're an ass." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I do not think this has much to do with the fact he is of Greek extraction, but I could be wrong, my experience of Greek men is nil. He sounds like an arrogant controller whose main aim is to put you down, denigrate and humiliate you and that is emotional abuse. See - Signs of Emotional Abuse | World of Psychology It doesn't tend to get better, it just gets worse. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I realize there must be something you like in this man, but so far you've illustrated that he is completely dismissive toward you and your aspirations in every way imaginable. He will not like it if you do become successful, because he's already putting you down for even trying to be. You don't need a partner who tears you down. A person who knows how to love will support your goals and approve of you in at least general personality-wise. I think you are setting yourself up for a life of misery if you stay with this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I am an immigrant from a place very close to Greece and have had experience with Greek men, so I was all ready to provide advice based on that... ...but this guy is just a disrespectful jerk who has no clue about relationships. That has nothing to do with him being Greek and everything to do with him being bad relationship material. I'm surprised you even needed to ask about this - if someone belittles you, dismisses your feelings, and is jealous of your friendly and open personality, I can't imagine why you would even think of dating someone like that. It certainly doesn't get better from here! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Hi all! I have recently began a relationship with a second generation Greek man. I am an Australian lady who happens to consider herself to be British, just to add some context to this scenario. Whilst we have only been dating for a few months, a few issues have started to creep up and I am wanting opinions as to whether maybe I am overreacting or if this could possibly be a cultural thing? The first issue. He called my university degree "useless." I am currently studying to work in welfare and whilst I do find academic life to be arduous, I am generally passionate about where my degree can lead me, especially in regards to being able to live/travel in places such as London. Last night we are discussing university when he informs me that anything other than engineering, science, maths or technology is completely useless. Now I do not know whether I should find this offensive or not, but I did. It feels as if he is trying to rain on my parade in a sense. When I informed him of my feelings he was really arrogant about it! He is coming back to university next semester and after suggesting I switch to a science degree he wanted to coordinate study schedules! The second issue. He told me I am annoying. Now I am a friendly person, that is how I have always been. When I drink I do tend to be a little more friendly, but not in the sense that I hit on everyone, more like I enjoy getting to know people and asking people questions. I don't believe this is a problem and his friends seem to genuinely like me. Not him though. Oh no, he informs me that my behaviour is "generally bothersome and not necessary." Third issue. When I get upset he tells me I am being emotional and ridculous. Now I am usually getting upset because of something he has said, such as calling me annoying, telling me my opinion is stupid (I respect his even if I disagree). Anyway, he tells me that I need to stop making this a regular occurence because it is also genuinely bothersome. Am I overreacting? Are these normal things? I don't know. I guess I just expected to not encounter such issues this early in! I'm greek and I can tell you that you got one of the expired ones. I'm sure his mum still washes his clothes. The majority of greek boyfriends I had were affectionate and patient, even when my emotions were all over the place . They were also very supportive of my studies and career (and we're talking about men who were very good at their field, one of them was in technology and liked science). The only greek boyfriend who was similar to yours (but a lot lighter version, not this monster) was the one who wasn't into me. The best thing you can do is to tell him to dive in the part of the Australian ocean with the deadly jellyfish. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 .... The best thing you can do is to tell him to dive in the part of the Australian ocean with the deadly jellyfish. It's worth noting, as an aside, that this won't be difficult. Some friends of mine emigrated to Oz 12 years ago, and they tell me pretty much most of Australian Fauna has a danger problem.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Cultural difference or not it doesn't matter, he is simply being an abusive jerk. First he is basically telling you your life and future is rubbish due to your choice of study, then he is saying you shouldn't speak to people and also you aren't allowed to be upset over anything nasty that he says to you. I suspect you're pretty confident (or were) in yourself and he has noticed that so is attempting to knock you down and also trying the first stages of isolation - change your studies and only study together and also don't speak to these people you speak to. Get out now before he takes your self esteem and you start to believe the stupid stuff he is saying. Don't change anything about yourself except for ridding him from your life. He is toxic. I'm going to link a thread I did on some good books to read to learn to spot these kind of behaviours in partners. It sounds like you haven't experienced anything like this before. I hadn't either until nearly 3 years ago. Learning about it makes it easy to understand, easier to get away from and easier to spot in the future. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/524069-book-suggestions 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 It's nothing to do with his origin, he's just rude and ignorant. Where would we be if people only studied science and engineering in this life. Don't waste any more time on this narrow minded man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 When you do end it with him, I'd err on the side of caution and do it over the phone or by text. Non-scientific survey says that he's a complete d*ckhead, so I'd next this one as quickly and with the least amount of confrontation as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveAnimals Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Just dump this guy already. If he is this critical of you now and you just started dating can you imagine how it will be when you've been together a while? Do yourself a favor and cut him loose..ASAP. The faster you do the faster you can meet the right match. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Rach is my Friend in real life. I directed her here. Her bf is an @as. He insists on splitting the bill ( tight ass) and he was on tinder a month or two after they dated. He urged her to make a tinder profile. Vomit. Lol rach knows of my opinion. He seems to still make her happy........ So I hope Rach gets the advice she's after.. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Rach don't leave valuable parts out...U told me the guy is "Greek" and hereby, Greek men are often flirts. How much of a flirt is he? U never went into great detail with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 [quote=regine_phalange;633672 The best thing you can do is to tell him to dive in the part of the Australian ocean with the deadly jellyfish. Or to go bush walking. We have many deadly snakes in the bush. I've personally encountered many. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a control freak.... otherwise known as a bad boy. A gentleman with an edge is good to find, but this man is over the line. Link to post Share on other sites
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