sunshinesunshine Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Would you still date someone if they never ever drove a car or had a job? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Depends, is he 18 or 48 ? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Ambivalence Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Excuse me for sounding toxic but if you're basing attraction of of things that have no value such as material possessions, you're doing it wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
ClickToRead Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Would you still date someone if they never ever drove a car or had a job? I have a friend who is in his 30s that has never driven. He was in a car accident as a child that was tragic. He is a wonderful person. I cannot imagine someone ever not dating him because he cannot drive. If the person is not working out of laziness I would not date them. If they were a full-time student (at any age) I would not be concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Pinkdisney Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Depends on the age but I would say most likely no way. Maybe if they are in school or between assignments or something, but no car and no job to me sounds like someone with not much to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Depends on the woman. Link to post Share on other sites
lemoncello Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Neither of those things (driving and employment status) are accurate indicators of a person's value. There are stay at home dads who don't work. There are men who bike instead of drive because it's cheaper and better for the environment. There are men who are unemployed/between jobs either because of their industry (IT industry is full of contractors who go between jobs, for example). Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 (edited) Would you still date someone if they never ever drove a car or had a job? Exclusively, it seems!! Although I'll be a person without a car again myself very soon and very much looking forward to it. I don't care at all what a woman's career is. Frankly, the less of one she has, the more compatible because she can join me doing things other than 9-5. Edited May 7, 2015 by loveweary11 2 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 As a guy who was a bit of a late bloomer I'll say the following make it exponentially harder for guys (even 18-20) to date: Living at homeNo carNo job Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I dated a guy without a job and without a car. He was a typical Alpha Male (got into fights, drank a lot, etc.) And have broke it off with me because I wasn't taking care of him. Six months later he got another gf and they are still together 3 years later as far as I know. She also gets into fights, drinks, hates everyone and everything like him. He needed someone from his own class, of which I am not. Trash and trash are apparently very happy when they are sober enough. So the answer is... Don't go there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinesunshine Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 Why do you people dislike that people live at home, don't work or drive? Isn't it about the person and not what they have? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Why do you people dislike that people live at home, don't work or drive? Isn't it about the person and not what they have? Driving is a big problem for me. I live in the sticks up a farm track. No buses etc. If they do not drive they are not going to get to me unless I go and pick them up. Thats fine but when you want to cook a nice meal or paint your nails so you look pretty for them time is of the essence. Living with parents. If it is a temporary thing then I am not too worried about this but it has to be temporary or for a suitable reason other than sponging off of Mum and Dad. I am an adult, I want to date an adult. I also want the freedom of being able to have sex with someone with out the worry that their parents may hear. I stopped all that when I was 18 so come on guys get with the programme. Again IF he is looking after elderly, infirm parents I have no problems with this. Not working. I don't care if he is richer than the Saudi Arabs combined. Working and bettering oneself shows a great depth of character and shows that they are not just sponging off of the world in general be it through benefits or Daddys trust fund. It could be charity work, it could be working as a bin man I don't care as long as they work hard at what they do and want to be the best they can be at what they do. Being a lazy toad is not attractive. Even if they can't work because of disability etc at least be doing something other than watching Jerry Springer and letting their brains rot. Its an age thing. If I wanted a baby I would adopt one. I want a partner not an appendage. So yes all of these things are important, not for the money but for the attitude of the man. Note that word man - not boy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Where I live, cars aren't necessary. I actually know very few people who own one in the city. So no, no car does not phase me one bit. The no job... well, that depends. Why don't they have a job? Are they trying to find one? Or are they studying? There are many factors and it would have to be a case by case thing! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Would you still date someone if they never ever drove a car or had a job? Are you asking about yourself or about the guy? How old is the person in question, and how old is the person who is considering dating them? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Why do you people dislike that people live at home, don't work or drive? Isn't it about the person and not what they have? Well it is about the person isn't it? If they have no car, live at home and don't work, then that gives an indication of the type of person that they are. Assumptions abound and whilst there are excuses and valid reasons as to why they live their life in that way, many do not want to get involved with such a person. It is just the way it is. There are not many landed gentry living on the country pile with mummy and daddy, with chauffeurs, and huge trust funds going about, are there? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Why do you people dislike that people live at home, don't work or drive? Isn't it about the person and not what they have? Oh sure I totally value and respect people who don't drive, don't work or live with parents. Those material things don't bother me at all and I would never judge someone based on those things. However, would I date them? No. Driving well you can get away with not being able to drive in the UK but it makes dating a heck of a lot more difficult. It means that unless we're meeting near a train station or bus route, I'm going to be on taxi duty every time. It means I can never drink at parties or have a glass of wine when we go to restaurants because I'm always designated driver. It means when we go for weekends away to Cornwall, I have to drive for 6-8 hours each way, she can't take a shift. Shallow? Maybe. But it doesn't make for a very even relationship. Living with parents unless it's a temporary situation like she got kicked out of her house and is looking for somewhere new, or if the parent is ill and needs a carer, is another no no for me. Living independently is an important life skill. It's not just about what you've got, it's about having the ability to manage your finances, take responsibility for yourself and be domestically mature and emotionally independent. Working, again genuinely temporary unemployment is fine. But having a job shows independence and financial stability. I do not want to date someone who is reliant on welfare, who is constantly broke or has money problems. Does that make me shallow? No, I don't think so, I look for an even, balanced relationship. Money issues are one of the biggest causes of relationship problems so if we're on an approximately even footing it will give the best chance of success and mean we're much more likely to be compatible. Again I wouldn't judge someone who doesn't drive, work or live on their own. They are perfectly entitled to happiness as much as the next person, and I don't class them as lesser citizens. I just wouldn't choose to date them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Would you still date someone if they never ever drove a car or had a job? Depends, is he 18 or 48 ? Amassed his own fortune and now retired and has a chauffer, trust fund, or broke? Link to post Share on other sites
lemoncello Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Driving One of my favorite indie filmmakers -- Kevin Smith -- doesn't drive. He has an actual chauffeur. Why? Because he can. He's married with a child and can provide for them despite the fact that he doesn't drive. Living arrangements Life happens, right? If you go through a divorce, job loss, or recovery from an accident or treatment for a terminal illness, you will have difficulty paying your rent or mortgage. Also, your geographical location and the economy of that city pre-determine whether you'll land safely or be out on the street. The more expensive the city, the more at risk you are of losing your home once you lose your job. Working Jobs are hard to keep and hard to get. I think it will always be that way in life. If you lose your job due to realistic circumstances like job loss, divorce, or illness and have to temporarily live w/parents or relatives, or Section 8 housing to make ends meet, I don't think that is always a true reflection of a person's character or their ability to hold down a job or manage their money. I think that life happens, and how you respond to it, is a better reflection of a person's character than whether or not they drive a car, live in a nice home, or have worked the same job for 25 years. It's not realistic to think that everyone will conform or will fit those cookie-cutter superficial standards. People are individuals and make choices based on their circumstances. To each his/her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Why do you people dislike that people live at home, don't work or drive? Isn't it about the person and not what they have? But what they have or don't have indicates exactly the type of person they are. If someone isn't fully independent, it means they rely on their other half to prop them up with resources and support. Most experience temporary set backs as others pointed out but no adult should expect others to support them continuously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Driving One of my favorite indie filmmakers -- Kevin Smith -- doesn't drive. He has an actual chauffeur. Why? Because he can. He's married with a child and can provide for them despite the fact that he doesn't drive. Ah, didn't realise we could include multi-millionaires who make $20 million per movie. I thought this thread was about real life situations. My bad. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Would you still date someone if they never ever drove a car or had a job? Do you have a job and drive a car? Link to post Share on other sites
lemoncello Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 But what they have or don't have indicates exactly the type of person they are. If someone isn't fully independent, it means they rely on their other half to prop them up with resources and support. Most experience temporary set backs as others pointed out but no adult should expect others to support them continuously. The people who justifiably rely on others to support them continuously are handicapped in some way, whether it's physical or mental. A blind person can't drive themselves to the bank or write a check to pay their rent. They need help. A person who has ALS or who uses a wheelchair requires support from others continuously. So, if this thread is only relevant to able-bodied, non-deaf, non-blind people and people who don't have circumstances that put them in a situation where as adults they need others to support them continuously, then what's the point of such a discussion, other than to discuss superficial values of able-bodied people? Link to post Share on other sites
lemoncello Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Ah, didn't realise we could include multi-millionaires who make $20 million per movie. I thought this thread was about real life situations. My bad. Real life situations? If that were the case, I think 3 superficial values such as driving, home ownership and a stable job doesn't really apply. Then it becomes a discussion of the "haves and have nots" which doesn't seem like a worthwhile discussion unless a solution is proposed. It basically becomes a mud-slinging fest of 3 reasons to judge someone (drive, where their live, how long they hold a job). Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 So, if this thread is only relevant to able-bodied, non-deaf, non-blind people and people who don't have circumstances that put them in a situation where as adults they need others to support them continuously, then what's the point of such a discussion, other than to discuss superficial values of able-bodied people? The point is to discuss those who choose to live with parents, not to drive and not to work. IE: those too lazy to get off their arses, get a job, car and rent a flat, like the vast majority of able-bodied and able-minded people manage to do perfectly successfully every year. If someone is able bodied and choosing to live their life sponging off others, then I don't see how it's superficial for me to choose not to date them. Most people at my stage of life (own my own house and have a job and car) are not looking for someone who sponges off others by choice. If I wanted that I would get a cat!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 No, because I don't see the point in a partnership if I'm the one who's going to have to do everything myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts