Both of us are attached after 2nd date. s

[Mjm1014]

If anyone's been in a relationship like this early on, opinions please! Thanks.

 

Met a girl off tinder a week ago. First date was amazing (two days ago), and we spend the entire day and night together yesterday (2nd date). basically we are both head over heals with eachother..if we both weren't working today we would prob hang out also. We text 24/7, and she says she really likes me a lot, and I feel the same. Kind of feels like love at first site.

 

I guess my question is, is this a bad thing from a guys standpoint? It feels like we both want the same things, are super into each other, but I don't want to lower my value in her eyes. I always hear people say, don't text girls unless you're setting up a date, don't see them too much in the beginning, but I can't help myself especially since her and I are on the same level and we like talking/spending time together (plus we both work a lot so when we are off we like to see each other).

 

Biggest reason I'm questioning all this is because my last relationship started like this, then two months later she got cold and said she lost the spark because she wants to have the feeling of the "chase" and I made myself too available (even though she seemed more into me than I seemed into her-I really didn't see it coming)..I don't want to fall into the same trap...although this girl seems really down to earth/genuinely like a good person and very into me. I keep telling myself to just be myself and show her I'm interested (since I am), but I hear that's the kiss of death for a guy to do in the beginning. Anyone else fall head over heals with someone right off the bat, and they felt the same way? How did you handle it early on in the relationship?

[ExpatInItaly]

Slow down! You barely know her. You can't be head over heels for her just yet; you don't know much about her apart from what you gathered over the last 48 hours or so since your first meeting. I think you're feeling infatuated, which isn't bad, but it also isn't the only important thing. Take your time getting to know her. Enjoy the mystery and spark in the early stages, but don't burn it out too quickly. It can be tempting to go full steam ahead, but it often doesn't end well when one party gets bored and goes seeking the next thrill. Keep seeing her, but don't rush it.

[Mjm1014]

Yeah like I said.. I do like her a lot, but she won't stop texting me, and asking to hang out. Right after I posted this, she asked me to hang out again tonight, and asked what I'm doing tomorrow. She seems really into me, I want to hang out with her when she asks me to get together, but I feel like if I go out with her and talk to her as much as she wants me to, it will end bad. I know we need to slow down but not sure how when she's this into me.

[todreaminblue]

I dont think you should play games but try not to spend 24/7 texting and talking on the phone...do not drop everyone who is in your life just to hang with her...make sure its a date not a chill out session with a mate sort of scenario....make it clear and defined......have some balance....but dont play games and i hope everything works out for you.......good luck...deb

[Popsicle]

It's fine. It's how my past relationships started and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[katiegrl]

Sounds like you are both riding high on infatuation ...which is fun and exciting, and sure gets the adrenaline pumping, but be careful cause relationships that start out with that much fire, tend to burn out just as quickly. Not always, but often enough..

 

You are going to have to slow her down. Next time you see her, just be honest and say you really like her and are looking forward to getting to know her, but you've been in relationships that started out really fast, that burned out just as fast, and you don't want that to happen again with her!

 

If she only wants fast and furious, then she is probably not capable of a healthy relationship, and it's best you find that out now before getting all emotionally involved, perhaps even falling in love, only to have her disappear once the fire stops burning so hot which it will eventually....

Edited May 2, 2015 by katiegrl

[fitnessfan365]

When I hear about someone coming on that strong, that fast, I often wonder if it's the person they're into, or the idea of being with someone that's driving them. In a lot of cases, I'm guessing it's the second because it takes some time to get to know someone.

 

But I'm definitely not shooting down the benefits of excitement and anticipation. Passion and attraction are vital to a relationship IMO. My only advice OP would be to remain objective as possible. Also, I'd recommend cutting way back on the texting. If she sends you a text, call her back instead. Chat for 5-10 mins, and plan a date. If she texts in the mean time, stop responding instantly, exchange 2-3 texts spread out over the day, and tell her you'll see her soon. By training a woman that you won't text with her non stop, and planning more dates instead, you actually build a relationship instead of a 'phone-ship".

[Leigh 87]

I am in the same position insofar as feelings are concerned.

 

Met a guy two days ago. Both seem to feel firworks and immense chemistry and attraction. That's often all it is though.... It is common to feel those head over heel feelings for the wrong people. Who are not well matched to us in terms of their intellectual, mental and emotional level. Not to mention values.

 

So it's easy to start out smitten but it IS superficial. It is NOT based in substance. Me and this guy, to counter our giddy and excited feelings, have spaced out the next date to five days later. We aren't officially " dating " yet.

We only just met these people.

We don't know them.

I've had the infatuation and chemical high from three or four people this year, and it never lasted past a few dates.

 

So after a few times of making your mistake, I still seek out only men who do give me these esrly dating fireworks BUT here are a few things I have vowed to do differently THIS time around.

 

- spacing out dates to once per week for the first few dates.

- no talking about our " feelings ", although my current guy does text me " thinking about u" once a day or so, but yeh, no grand declarations of how much you like each other.........

- not sleeping together straight away, is fine for a one night stand but when you're smitten and infuriated, sleeping together early on builds a FALSE sense of intimacy! WAIT until you get to know one another so that your emotions and the comfort and security surrounding getting to know one another, align.

 

It's great to select partners who you have a heady honeymoon, super lust filled period with. Just perhibit yourself from seeing each other too often, saying you love each other after a few weeks and declaring how much you like one another !!!

 

Enjoy and be prepared that it won't last, try to have fun and enjoy the mkment, dating rarely lasts long, u will likely have to meet many more women before finding one you feel THIS exited about and who also lasts !

[acrosstheuniverse]

You are going to have to slow her down. Next time you see her, just be honest and say you really like her and are looking forward to getting to know her, but you've been in relationships that started out really fast, that burned out just as fast, and you don't want that to happen again with her!

 

I agree with slowing it down but I think actually verbalising it can be the death knell for some fledgling relationships... if a guy says to me 'I want to slow this down' it signals a loss of interest, whether or not it's true.

 

What I'd suggest is slowing it down, without necessarily telling her, you don't owe it to her to actually tell her you're going to try take your time to give it the best shot because then every long pause between messages, every time you're not free to see her can be interpreted as false to play a game or put distance between you.

 

Just do it naturally. Keep up with your commitments. It's sexy when a guy has different friends, hobbies, and career-related things to take his attention away from me frequently, it gives me the space to do the same and you enjoy someone much more when they're not there 24/7. Also I'd be wary of a guy who from date one wanted to see me every single day, I'd wonder what state his life was in if he was free to spend all of this time with me!

 

My current partner (been together about 15 months and moved in together after six months) and I started spending every night together very quickly, after maybe two months, I've never been in a relationship that moved this fast before, but it just felt right. However we knew of each other and had mutual friends for years so I felt like I knew him a little more than just a total stranger, and for the first couple months dated 'normally' i.e. would see each other maybe three times per week... I was busy, so was he, on the days we weren't with each other we'd only text a handful of times. It gave us both space and time to see how we really felt about one another and then we had another few months of practically living together before actually getting a flat together, again that safety net of separate apartments was important while we tested out spending THAT much time together. I was moving away hence the hurry in a sense, it was either move to a new city together or go long distance and we both wanted to keep it going, and it's going really incredibly well so far.

 

What I'd do is just start taking more time for yourself, a few times a day give it a couple hours before replying to texts, and only see her THREE TIMES A WEEK at least for the first month or two. Seriously, you will kill this and burn it out fast if you're spending every day together acting like an established couple when you've know her one week. You need to keep an eye out for craziness in this girl because it's not normal to be so blatant about wanting to be with someone daily within the first week when you should both be assessing each other carefully. Those fireworks feel good but unless you get a handle on the pace you will quickly seem boring and low value to her, or vice versa, and you'll have killed your opportunity for an actual relationship.

[katiegrl]

The only reason why I suggested he talk to her is because, since she's blowing up his phone 24/7, wanting to talk and see him all the time, if he instead chooses to ignore her texts and calls, and respond only sporadically, THAT would indicate much *less* interest (and is rather rude to boot) .... than if he were to simply tell her how into her he is, but doesn't want to risk burning out by the"too much too soon" syndrome.

 

They are just starting out. He is not pulling back, because they have not established anything yet to pull back from.

 

Setting boundaries in the beginning is a good thing. Communication about what you both want and expect from each other is a good thing.

 

Ignoring someone's texts or calls and/or waiting HOURS to respond back ...forcing the other person to guess what the hell is going on is NOT a good thing ....IMHO of course.

Edited May 3, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

Nowhere I read that this mutual infatuation is suffocating you, I am reading you are in fact enjoying every minute of it as well.

 

You want to cut back on communication and dates because of 'outside' reasons: what people say, past experiences, etc. It's all 'what ifs'

 

If it's not broken then don't try to fix it.

 

Enjoy it and let it unfold on its own. As your relationship grows it will naturally settle in a routine.

 

In my opinion if you try to slow it down or change it, for no reasons really because you are HAPPY with it as it stands, it will hurt the relationship more than help it.

[Gary S]

It's not a problem. Do keep in mind that you don't have a solid relationship until 2 months - you found that out before.

 

If she's asking, you have to go, you can't reject her. Enjoy it!

[katiegrl]

Nowhere I read that this mutual infatuation is suffocating you, I am reading you are in fact enjoying every minute of it as well.

 

You want to cut back on communication and dates because of 'outside' reasons: what people say, past experiences, etc. It's all 'what ifs'

 

If it's not broken then don't try to fix it.

 

Enjoy it and let it unfold on its own. As your relationship grows it will naturally settle in a routine.

 

In my opinion if you try to slow it down or change it, for no reasons really because you are HAPPY with it as it stands, it will hurt the relationship more than help it.

 

Gaeta ...I assume you have read the OP's post number 3? Specifically, his last sentence.

 

I interpret that as him being uncomfortable with the fast pace. No?

Edited May 3, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

Gaeta ...I assume you have read the OP's post number 3? I interpret that as him being uncomfortable with the fast pace. No?

 

Where does he say he is uncomfortable in post 3? He doesn't. He worried it's too much too soon because of hearsay or past experience, he doesn't say her frequent communication makes him uncomfortable. He is worried because of outside reasons, as it stands he fully enjoys this relationship.

 

My youngest brother met a woman online, their first date lasted 1 week !!

They've been together 2 years now, they moved in together last fall and they're making baby plans for this fall.

 

Relationships start in all kinds of matter, there is not only one route leading to a lasting relationship.

 

I remember at first when my brother met this woman the whole family said to him it's too much too fast it will flake away and you will end up with a heart break. She would call him 10 times a day. I was the only one in the family with a gut feeling this was going to work for him because even though she called 10 times a day he loved every minute of it.

[kendahke]

If anyone's been in a relationship like this early on, opinions please! Thanks.

 

Met a girl off tinder a week ago. First date was amazing (two days ago), and we spend the entire day and night together yesterday (2nd date). basically we are both head over heals with eachother..if we both weren't working today we would prob hang out also. We text 24/7, and she says she really likes me a lot, and I feel the same. Kind of feels like love at first site.

 

I guess my question is, is this a bad thing from a guys standpoint? It feels like we both want the same things, are super into each other, but I don't want to lower my value in her eyes. I always hear people say, don't text girls unless you're setting up a date, don't see them too much in the beginning, but I can't help myself especially since her and I are on the same level and we like talking/spending time together (plus we both work a lot so when we are off we like to see each other).

 

Biggest reason I'm questioning all this is because my last relationship started like this, then two months later she got cold and said she lost the spark because she wants to have the feeling of the "chase" and I made myself too available (even though she seemed more into me than I seemed into her-I really didn't see it coming)..I don't want to fall into the same trap...although this girl seems really down to earth/genuinely like a good person and very into me. I keep telling myself to just be myself and show her I'm interested (since I am), but I hear that's the kiss of death for a guy to do in the beginning. Anyone else fall head over heals with someone right off the bat, and they felt the same way? How did you handle it early on in the relationship?

 

1. this new girl isn't the last girl you dated, so to concoct a game plan based on how someone totally unrelated to her behaved isn't very bright.

 

2. this time, you will see it coming and you will adjust yourself where adjustment is needed instead of blindly charging forward.

 

3. There is no need to play games. Do as you feel you are led. No one here knows this girl, so no one can really say how she is going to react. All you can do is keep your eyes open and see what is in front of you instead of what you wish was in front of you.

 

4. if she runs scared, then she runs scared and it wasn't going to work out anyway if you completely retreat from her now or go in like gangbusters.

 

5. living in fear of anything doesn't precede a good outcome.

[Gary S]

He's thinking that because a woman broke up with him after a fast starting relationship, that it will happen again. I'm telling you, that was THAT GIRL , this is a different lady, the fast-paced relationship has nothing to do with it. That other woman who broke his heart might have had a screw loose.

 

If she's making all the effort and asking him out, she's doing most of the work, he is a challenge/hard to get. The only benefit to going slow is to keep guys from acting needy. He's not needy if she's the one asking him out!

[Dallers]

OP let me tell you my story which has literally just happened to me and is near enough the same situation. However it might be real or it might not you have to take the risk to find out.

 

Meet this girl online. It all seems too good to be true. She seems perfect and dreamy and exactly what I have been looking for in a woman. Two amazing dates the best I have ever had to date. She was in the military. Thought it was love at first site. She was perfect in my eyes but I could not see far enough past the good to see the bad.

 

Long story short I stupidly agree to wait for her because we met shortly before she had to deploy. She leaves and everything is perfect but after only two weeks she becomes distant and then ignores me and then ends it. I realise now that I had become the one thing you don't want to become which is to be the leaning post and shoulder to cry on and I ignored all the red flags because her crazy ex has been messaging her and boom its obvious I have just been used and the chase was over.

 

I will probably hear from her again once he drops her but luckily I now see how I allowed this to happen and will never speak to her again.

 

Everything she said to me seemed real. She wanted the same things, she felt the same way blah blah blah. You do not know someone after two dates and it is not love it is infatuation. Love is something which grows from a very small feeling over time and even with all my experience I fell for this girl.

 

It will take me a lot longer than a few dates and a couple of weeks to get over this one. Other posters are correct slow down and do not become lost in the moment because you will get burned and hurt.

 

She could just as easily be on the rebound and you not yet know about it. Read the signs and look for red flags because they are there for you to see. If everything appears real then keep going but do not make my mistake.

Edited May 3, 2015 by Dallers

[Gaeta]

OP let me tell you my story which has literally just happened to me and is near enough the same situation. However it might be real or it might not you have to take the risk to find out.

 

Meet this girl online. It all seems too good to be true. She seems perfect and dreamy and exactly what I have been looking for in a woman. Two amazing dates the best I have ever had to date. She was in the military. Thought it was love at first site. She was perfect in my eyes but I could not see far enough past the good to see the bad.

 

 

This is ONE story.

 

I met a military man, we had ONE date and he left oversea. I waited for him 7 months based on that ONE date feeling, and we ended up married 15 years.

[Dallers]

This is ONE story.

 

I met a military man, we had ONE date and he left oversea. I waited for him 7 months based on that ONE date feeling, and we ended up married 15 years.

 

Exactly, hence me saying it might be real it might not you have to take the risk to find out.

[katiegrl]

Where does he say he is uncomfortable in post 3? He doesn't. He worried it's too much too soon because of hearsay or past experience, he doesn't say her frequent communication makes him uncomfortable. He is worried because of outside reasons, as it stands he fully enjoys this relationship.

 

My youngest brother met a woman online, their first date lasted 1 week !!

They've been together 2 years now, they moved in together last fall and they're making baby plans for this fall.

 

Relationships start in all kinds of matter, there is not only one route leading to a lasting relationship.

 

I remember at first when my brother met this woman the whole family said to him it's too much too fast it will flake away and you will end up with a heart break. She would call him 10 times a day. I was the only one in the family with a gut feeling this was going to work for him because even though she called 10 times a day he loved every minute of it.

 

"Because of past experience....*

--

 

^^And this is a bad thing? Learning from mistakes made in the past?

 

That's a new one on me...

[Dallers]

Both arguments are correct.

 

You should learn from past experiences and use this to prevent your time being wasted or getting hurt.

 

You should not treat every book by the same cover and always give the situation a chance until you are certain of the intentions.

 

The problem is that there is a fine line between the two. You do not want to be more or less in either category or you then miss out or get hurt.

 

Nobody can give the advice the op needs exactly he should just be careful not to allow things to move too quickly if it does not feel right. Trust the gut feeling.

 

Two dates is not usually enough to make an informed decision.

[kendahke]

"Because of past experience....*

--

 

^^And this is a bad thing? Learning from mistakes made in the past?

 

That's a new one on me...

 

well, trying to figure out what kind of game to run down on the girl ain't bright, either.

 

All he needs to do is to tell her to slow her roll, not figure out how to play her. She will either slow down or drop him off.

[Gaeta]

"Because of past experience....*

--

 

^^And this is a bad thing? Learning from mistakes made in the past?

 

That's a new one on me...

 

His past experience was with a different woman. If this woman here made him feel overwhelmed I would say cut back but she is not! Why deny himself these wonderful moments? because he's scared? I don't think he should live his life on fear because of past experiences otherwise we should all stay home and not date.

[katiegrl]

This is ONE story.

 

I met a military man, we had ONE date and he left oversea. I waited for him 7 months based on that ONE date feeling, and we ended up married 15 years.

 

Your situation was a little different Gaeta, as he left immediately after your first date... so no chance of *burn out* there...

 

I dunno, maybe I am confused. I though this thread was about things moving way too fast, and the OP was concerned about that ...hence this thread.

 

Not about him falling for her so fast and vice versa.

 

My boyfriend and I fell HARD for each other on the first date as well. Actually it wasn't even a date, it was the first night we met.

 

We spent that entire weekend together, but then realized we really needed to slow it down so as to avoid early burn out.

 

He always had a tendency to rush in and it ALWAYS ended badly. He explained that to me and I was actually flattered as it meant he was thinking about me as "long term," as opposed to a quick flash in the pan....

 

But I agree with Dallers, OP should follow his own gut and do what feels comfortable and right for him.

 

Again, I honestly thought he was uncomfortable with it, after reading his post no. 3. I could be wrong.

 

Perhaps he will come back at some point and update?

[katiegrl]

His past experience was with a different woman. If this woman here made him feel overwhelmed I would say cut back but she is not! Why deny himself these wonderful moments? because he's scared? I don't think he should live his life on fear because of past experiences otherwise we should all stay home and not date.

 

Gary they have had TWO dates.... it takes time to feel overwhelmed... at least three..lol

 

No seriously, it does take some time before feeling overwhelmed.... usually starts when the adrenaline high starts fading down, and reality hits.

 

Jmo though.

Edited May 3, 2015 by katiegrl