RuKiddingme Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I just learned a big lesson on damaged. Here was the last girl I was dating. She had a three month deal with a guy who apparently abused her. The funny thing is, she was talking to me before she met the guy then got a hold of me after she left him. Stupid me should have seen it coming but because Ive always liked her, I fell for it. 1) She first made me feel bad for her by telling me what happened. After a couple of conversations, she said "I should have tried harder with you". 2) She then told me I was her guy. Great! So I therefore focused on making her feel super about herself. 3) Once she got close, she backed away. I would send texts telling her nice things about herself with no response except "sorry I'm busy". 4) After telling her I was done because I felt like she wasn't feeling it, she blew up my phone asking me why. I would tell her, only for her to tell me that I don't understand what she has been through. Of course, when I tell her she should see someone, she would tell me no and that she is doing better day by day. 5) I go back to thinking she's into me so I therefore act accordingly and try to bring to light the good things about her while telling her how happy I am that she's my girl. No response. 6) I tell her Im done again. Same reaction as 4. 7) Now I get the feeling I was just a rebound. Nothing from her as far as why she likes me. Nothing from her about seeing me. No feedback whatsoever. 8) She sends selfies. I say looking great but alas, I get told I need glasses. Or when I ask why she doesn't respond to the nice things I say, I get "I'm just not used to it". Bull. 9) Here comes the "Lets just be friends/I need time" line. Ugh. Whatever. 10) I decide to cut her off for good. I then get the entire "You've never been through what I've been through" deal followed by all of the horrible things that have happened to her like I heard from the beginning. I was totally played. The sick game of pulling me in, pushing me away then acting upset that I wanted to quit followed by the self-pity and making me feel bad for her and myself. Ill never do it again. If it wasn't about her exes, it was about her headaches. If it wasn't about that, it was about being busy. If it wasn't about that, it was about anything that had nothing to do with us. It was stupid. I drove 260 miles (we live in different states but met when I lived in hers before I moved) to see her. I was there for over a week. Saw her for 4 hours. I was told constantly "cant wait to see you!". I was made to believe this was going to be awesome. All she did, was blow me off and make excuses while being guarded and playing me for an idiot. I feel stupid. Stay away from the damaged type, guys. You'll only be hurting yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Im sorry that this happened to you....you are right hurt people hurt people......but then so do totally healthy people hurt people.......i think you have to develop a certain sense of what you will and wont put up with regardless of the other person and their mental health...i often tell people who compliment me....hey you need to put your glasses on and then i thank them...secretly it is sweet to be complimented i always feel a warmth towards people who bother to compliment me....and i appreciate compliments...i dont necessarily have to believe them..and i dont think they necessarily mean anything other than the person who gave them is thoughtful....and open.....i guess what is important to me is that person bothered to say something sweet...and I find that special even if i make a joke about it......its how i deal with compliments some times...some times i just say how sweet of you thank you and say something similar back...... basically some of the things that you have said and written show that you were uncomfortable with her....and that in return she was very insecure with you..and that is something you should take note of......deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuKiddingme Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 I get ya, todream. But she never really acknowledged anything nice. I think that's what worried me. Never a response to anything I said that was nice about her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I get ya, todream. But she never really acknowledged anything nice. I think that's what worried me. Never a response to anything I said that was nice about her. she never said thank you or gave you a kiss or a hug after complimenting her?...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuKiddingme Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 she never said thank you or gave you a kiss or a hug after complimenting her?...deb Nope. I kid you not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 You did the right thing in walking away and never turning back. And, by the way, I've seen plenty of people act like her who have NOT been abused. Some people just have intimacy issues, period. You can't fix it for them, they are hopeless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RuKiddingme Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Its funny. When I was five hours away, she was all about texting, Im thinking about you, goodnights, kisses, etc. Then I get there and she goes dark and the romantic stuff just ended on her side. I would say really nice things and was treating her great. Ive never felt so deflated in my life when last week she wanted to meet in the afternoon. I was so excited. I even had something I bought for her. She blew me off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Its funny. When I was five hours away, she was all about texting, Im thinking about you, goodnights, kisses, etc. Then I get there and she goes dark and the romantic stuff just ended on her side. I would say really nice things and was treating her great. Ive never felt so deflated in my life when last week she wanted to meet in the afternoon. I was so excited. I even had something I bought for her. She blew me off. you really did deserve that appreciation back some recognition of what you were willing to give....i am sorry you didnt get what you deserved to have...she just took and gave nothing.......... as writergal said intimacy issues are not just for the broken peoples...... i am really sorry you had a bad experience with her or bad experiences plural....doesnt mean your next relationship will be that way.....you were right to walk away....you were firm with what you expect and need in return for the love you give...and thats a positive thing...take the positive of what you have learned from being with her....and save your love for someone who appreciates all that you do and give..do not turn or stop giving because someone didnt appreciate you...find a woman who does appreciate you and give more......theres joy in giving isnt there? dont ever forget that..deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Its funny. When I was five hours away, she was all about texting, Im thinking about you, goodnights, kisses, etc. Then I get there and she goes dark and the romantic stuff just ended on her side. I would say really nice things and was treating her great. Ive never felt so deflated in my life when last week she wanted to meet in the afternoon. I was so excited. I even had something I bought for her. She blew me off. I'm telling you, she has issues and it's not you. Don't let it bring you down. I've had plenty of experience with this. You dodged a bullet. Don't be surprised if she contacts you again, even soon. Just ignore her. The quicker you let it end the better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 ....doesnt mean your next relationship will be that way..... She's right. They aren't all that way. Use this experience to help you know what to spot in the future and run away faster and be free and avialable to someone with an open heart. You would be surprised at how many people have intimacy issues and try to blame it on YOU. That is part of their schtick. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie Harper Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 She is insecure and a Drama queen, avoid her like the plague, its the Female version of the Insecure Macho Male who need reassurance 24/7. I have had lots of those, indecipherable, insufferable and never satisfied no matter what you do or don't do... Run Forest RUN!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I didn't need to read past bullet point #3 to next this woman. People like this are toxic and will really screw up your head and feelings. Best to move on asap. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 But in the end, the problem is the OP. How long did he let this go on? How many times did he put up with the BS? What makes him feel this girl is worth all the drama? Is it his lack of confidence, feeling that he can't get other women? Because she's more attractive than the girls he normally has a chance with? Guys with self-esteem don't put up with this kind of **** because they know there are better girls out there who are worthy of their time. OP it's not meant to be an insult, but a wakeup call. Figure out what this means about your shortcomings so it doesn't happen again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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