Blew her away by being needy.. Too late to win back?

[thehwang]

Made a similar post before.

 

Basically been dating this girl for about 5 weeks. Called her once a week after date 1 and stayed on phone for 1-2 hours. I know this is bad and needy, but I thought she enjoyed it so I kept doing it.

 

Anyways, we had our last date two Fridays ago. It went great. But, that Saturday I sent her a text and the convo was very short. I called her on Sunday and no pickup. I called her again on Tuesday, she picked up and we talked again for an hour before I ended the call. I thought it was all good then since she actually picked up and stayed on the phone.

 

Last Wednesday through this past Monday I was out of town so I had no contact with her. This past Tuesday I called she did not pick up. I called again on Thursday, which she did not pick up again. I sent her a message to call back when she can . She texted me back with a “At dinner! I have to meet people right after. I’ll talk to you soon!”

 

Based on responses to my previous post, I think I blew her away by being way too needy way too soon. Will the no contact and give her space strategy work in this case since I blew it so early on? What are the chances of getting her interests back?

[smackie9]

Don't bother.....she decided she wasn't that into you so she started to avoid you, forcing you to get a message out of her. This has nothing to do with you being needy, she's not into you. So you what..... went out with her a couple of times??? Does that tell you something about her interest?

[jen1447]

Also, the 'calling once a day = needy' thing is BS. If a girl's into you, she'll want to hear from you a lot and talk to you a lot, and the number of times you call won't affect that in a negative way unless you do something to put her off that's actually needy, like saying "I feel like I can never be without you for one instant." No one says "I really like this guy but omg, he called twice in two days, that's so needy, I'm so turned off.

 

Reasons for lowering or stopping contact are mostly due to other things, like just not being into you or losing interest for whatever other reason. It happens.

[Gaeta]

You only called her once a week. In your last thread it came across as if you kept her on the phone each day or every other day.

 

Calling her once a week is not being clingny. She liked you but was not into you as much as you into her. Someone else probably came along and got her interest.

 

You didn't do anything wrong and no there is nothing you can do really but to move on. If later down the road she gets back to you then see how you feel about it but don't wait for her to get back to you. This lost of interest after a few dates is very common with online dating. Sorry.

[thehwang]

Also left a piece of information:

 

I have also been texting her in between calls and dates

[fitnessfan365]

Also, the 'calling once a day = needy' thing is BS. If a girl's into you, she'll want to hear from you a lot and talk to you a lot, and the number of times you call won't affect that in a negative way unless you do something to put her off that's actually needy, like saying "I feel like I can never be without you for one instant." No one says "I really like this guy but omg, he called twice in two days, that's so needy, I'm so turned off.

 

Reasons for lowering or stopping contact are mostly due to other things, like just not being into you or losing interest for whatever other reason. It happens.

 

Agree and disagree.

 

I think in the beginning especially, what you say is true Jen. A woman wants to talk to a guy she likes. When "clingy" and "needy" are used it's usually a way to cover up low interest level.

 

But space is perfectly healthy and natural. Absence makes the heart grow fonder may be a cliche but it is true. If you're always in someone's face, they never have a chance to miss you. When you actually allow someone to miss you from time to time, it allows their attraction to grow and stay high. It's human nature to get bored with too much of a good thing.

 

Now I'm not talking about game playing or disappearing for days intentionally. But not communicating daily isn't always a bad thing IMO.

[d0nnivain]

If the last thing she communicated to you was that she would call you soon, all you can do is sit back & see if she does. The more time that goes by, the less likely it is that she will call.

 

At this point you need to simply fade away. All this drama for 5 weeks is bad start anyway.

 

Going forward, dial back your contact with a new person in the beginning. At most it should one point of contact every other day, not daily. It's smothering.

[jen1447]

But space is perfectly healthy and natural. Absence makes the heart grow fonder may be a cliche but it is true. If you're always in someone's face, they never have a chance to miss you. When you actually allow someone to miss you from time to time, it allows their attraction to grow and stay high. It's human nature to get bored with too much of a good thing.

 

Now I'm not talking about game playing or disappearing for days intentionally. But not communicating daily isn't always a bad thing IMO.

 

Deliberately limiting your exposure to a person in the interest of engineering some degree of separation anxiety strikes me as very manipulative, frankly. (And despite your disclaimer, that sounds exactly like what you're advocating, and I've seen you advocate it before in other threads.)

 

That sort of behavior is fear-based (worry over rejection, etc.) Why not just relax and allow yourself to trust someone and take it as it comes? Life's too short to be a prisoner to the boogeyman under the bed.

[fitnessfan365]

Deliberately limiting your exposure to a person in the interest of engineering some degree of separation anxiety strikes me as very manipulative, frankly. (And despite your disclaimer, that sounds exactly like what you're advocating, and I've seen you advocate it before in other threads.)

 

That sort of behavior is fear-based (worry over rejection, etc.) Why not just relax and allow yourself to trust someone and take it as it comes? Life's too short to be a prisoner to the boogeyman under the bed.

 

Honestly though, I've never felt the need to have daily communication in any of my relationships. For the most part, people's routines are similar day to day. So checking in every day to report the same things over and over just to validate importance is lame IMO.

 

I'd rather talk to a woman in my life when I feel like it, and also be able to go on with my life and focus on other things without having to check in with her all the time. But an added bonus of this is that she has a chance to miss me a bit. This isn't my intention. It just happens naturally. If I'm seeing a woman 3x a week in person, touching base a few times a week is more than enough.