I would like your input ......

[snowflake47]

Hello all. I'm new here and it so happens I went on a date this past Wednesday and I need some different points of views. Thanks

 

I have been separated / divorced going on 14 years and my date, 2 days ago, was the third time that I've gone out since my divorce. The first time with this person, "Lisa"

 

Approx. 2 months ago a customer "Lisa" came to my work to get her cell phone fixed and after spending about an hour with her I was attracted to her, I liked her personality and sense of humor and physical appearance. There was an older gentleman that was with her who seemed kind of jealous and controlling of her, so when this man "Mike" left us alone, I asked Lisa if they were in a relationship.

She stated that he was more like a grandfather to her and that they are not in a personal relationship. Based on that I gave her my phone number and told her to call me if she would like to go out sometime.

 

Well, Lisa called me on the 18th of this month to ask me to take a walk in the park but since I was at work I could not go. We ended up going out to lunch on the 22nd, going to the park, and spending several hours at her place. The issue that I'm having has to do with the older gentleman Mike..

 

Lisa is 40 and Mike is 76. Approx. 13 years ago Lisa had an aneurysm which left her with no mobility in her right arm and limited mobility in her right leg. She also has some trouble speaking and getting her thoughts together. While laying in the hospital for 3 months, her ex husband decided to find a girl friend and cheated on her so when she was released from the hospital, she filed for divorce. Lisa had to go on disability and won a lawsuit against the pharmaceutical company that caused her aneurysm through over the counter cold and flu medicine.

 

About a year and half ago she came into contact with Mike and he started helping her out by mowing her lawn, doing repair work to her house, and he has helped her financially and may still be helping her financially, I don't know. She became dependent on him and I think he is taking advantage of her as well. This 76 year old Mike is married but uses the excuse that his wife stays away gambling all the time to justify spending most everyday of the week at Lisa's house.

 

I have asked Lisa some questions about Mike and there relationship and she brought it upon herself to tell me that they have never kissed or have had any physical relationship. She stated several times that "he can't even get it up". She did tell me that on one occasion he slapped her in the face.

 

I believe he is taking advantage of her disability and is controlling her life because he is already jealous of me. He spends a lot of time at her house till late at night and she mentioned that they sometimes drink together at her house as well. Just like this evening, I was talking on the phone with her and she told me that he was getting upset at her for talking to me.

 

The sad thing about her situation is that in order for her to get rid of him she will probably need someone to take over what he is doing for her. I feel like I'm already competing against him for Lisa's time. I just don't know what to think or do and their situation is really creepy weird to me. Even if it's true that they don't have a physical relationship going on, she is letting him control her life and is keeping her from having a healthy relationship.

 

Please feel free to ask any questions and give your opinions.

[Popsicle]

Only she can get herself out of this. She knows you are available to her and still chooses to be with him. You have done all you can and its now her choice. It's her decision she is not a victim or prisoner of his.

 

I hope you find another woman who's heart is free.

Edited April 25, 2015 by Popsicle

[Jessie1231]

I would move on if I were you, because that situation sounds like a mess.

 

Yes, he sounds like he's controlling and that's wrong. But she's also using a much older married man to do chores for her and to support her financially. While they may not have a physical relationship, it's just as good as one to him probably because he's getting the attention of a much younger woman in exchange for doing a few chores.

 

And you're right. If things progress with you and her, she will be looking for someone else to take care of her. I think it's great in a relationship to take care of each other, but you'd be doing that from the beginning in this case. Then once you're in the relationship you would probably feel guilty for wanting to leave it because who would take care of poor Lisa?

 

Just move on and let her continue in this creepy weird set up she's got for herself.

[snowflake47]

Only she can get herself out of this. She knows you are a available to her and still chooses to be with him. You have done all you can and its now her choice. It's her decision she not a victim or prisoner of him.

 

Thanks for your reply. I think she has herself in a situation where she has no one else to help her out but you are right she is letting him over all the time. If she asks him to stay away and our relationship doesn't last then she is in a bad situation since she isn't able to the things he is doing nor can she afford to pay someone to do it.

[snowflake47]

I would move on if I were you, because that situation sounds like a mess.

 

Yes, he sounds like he's controlling and that's wrong. But she's also using a much older married man to do chores for her and to support her financially. While they may not have a physical relationship, it's just as good as one to him probably because he's getting the attention of a much younger woman in exchange for doing a few chores.

 

And you're right. If things progress with you and her, she will be looking for someone else to take care of her. I think it's great in a relationship to take care of each other, but you'd be doing that from the beginning in this case. Then once you're in the relationship you would probably feel guilty for wanting to leave it because who would take care of poor Lisa?

 

Just move on and let her continue in this creepy weird set up she's got for herself.

 

Your right Jessie,

 

I am already feeling a little pity and guilt in that if Mike gets mad at Lisa for me dating her and he decides to cut her off then I would feel really bad about it. It is a sad situation where she doesn't have others, who have her best interest in mind, to help her. I wouldn't want to be in her situation.

[Gary S]

Never get involved with someone who has a boyfriend already.

[Popsicle]

Thanks for your reply. I think she has herself in a situation where she has no one else to help her out but you are right she is letting him over all the time. If she asks him to stay away and our relationship doesn't last then she is in a bad situation since she isn't able to the things he is doing nor can she afford to pay someone to do it.

 

Okay, well, then leave her alone and let her be the other woman to him for the rest of her life. She is happy with the pay off.

 

You should be focusing on finding a woman who gives YOU something.

[snowflake47]

Thanks everyone for the different points of view. I'll update you on what has happened the past couple of days. I called Lisa and told her that I wasn't going to come between her and Mike since she depends on his financial and physical help. I told her that there is no chance of a short or long term dating relationship as long as Mike was in her life. She told me that she really wishes Mike would leave her alone but I don't think she really meant that. She talked like she wanted to have a relationship with me and we agreed on a time to meet this evening and talk but something providential happened on my lunch break at work today.

 

Today on my lunch break Lisa unknowingly "butt dialed" my phone number and when I realized she didn't know that she had called me I listened to her conversation that she was having with Mike. It lasted about 5 minutes and she told Mike that a woman needs financial security and that she didn't think that I made enough money for her and that she didn't like my living situation. Mike was laughing and she said that she doesn't think she will even return my calls any longer.

 

Well, about 12 minutes later, after her sugar daddy "Mike" left she called me and I confronted her with what I heard and I told her not to contact me again. It's sad at the percentage of women who are so shallow and make judgements about people before they get to know them. She believes the reason men don't want to date her is because of her disability but I'm sure it's because men sense that she is a gold digger and high maintenance.

 

It seems that men "like myself" who work fulltime, has nice benefits, totally debt free, money saved and a house paid for would be attractive to women but all that I see around me is women who flock to men who don't work, who abuse them, and who have no ambition. Amazing....

[Jessie1231]

What a wreck. Good you found out now instead of further into any kind of relationship.

 

But don't let that experience make you judge an entire sex. I've been treated like s**t by a few guys, but I by no means think that all guys are terrible because of that. There are horrible women and horrible men, you just have to learn how to spot them early and keep them out of your life.

[snowflake47]

What a wreck. Good you found out now instead of further into any kind of relationship.

 

But don't let that experience make you judge an entire sex. I've been treated like s**t by a few guys, but I by no means think that all guys are terrible because of that. There are horrible women and horrible men, you just have to learn how to spot them early and keep them out of your life.

 

Yea, I don't tolerate being lied too. I listen very well and when a person starts contradicting themselves I don't stay like I used too. I'm really up front a honest about my past so that the other person can make up their own mind about whether they want to have a relationship with me and I wish other people thought the same way.

 

It's always better to have someone not want to date you because of the truth than to lie and have them find out later when you are already deeply involved.