Scared of ever dating again?

[Jonp219]

Although it's only been 2 months and a week since my break up and 3 weeks of NC, I feel like I don't ever want to date again. I know it sounds ridiculous; especially, only being 25 years old, but meeting that special someone feels like it's going to be a grueling process that always ends up becoming a huge waste of time. Most people my age want to date around, and I'm just not interested in 'dating'. I don't even like having sex with someone unless I'm in a relationship with them, it's weird. I'm also intimidated by pretty women, the only pretty women that have liked me are ones I've met through mutual friends. I don't feel right meeting my future girlfriend/wife at a bar, a club, or a party because I'm mostly looking for a homebody.

 

I don't do cold approaches, I'm not good at sparking convos with strangers especially women I find attractive. ****, I can't even talk to the girls at school, I just feel too stuck, I don't want to weird them out. I was in a relationship for 4 years, I never cheated and I only flirted like once or twice. It just feels like I'm at a HUGE disadvantage, the thought of all this makes me really sad and hopeless inside.

 

I don't know, I'm just scared that I'll end up going on this date with someone, and although we click, we both might have different intentions for each other.

 

The dating world has been scary to me during every period of my life. However, the thought of it seems even scarier now. I know most will say it's because of my recent break-up, but I doubt this pessimism will ever go away, it never has.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?

 

Just talking about it gives me a knot on my throat, I still believe I'll never find anyone better than my ex...

Edited April 18, 2015 by Jonp219

[carhill]

Not scared, and did date while separated before getting divorced. Simply not interested anymore. Too much like work and job number one after divorce and death is getting the most value out of life and dating is a dry hole and was a huge past time and money suck so won't be revisiting it again.

 

You're 25 so still on the upward arc of the reproductive curve so perfectly normal to both fear and want female companionship. Nature is calling you to reproduce. Opportunities will come your way. IMO, if you push yourself a bit to socialize, in general, things will work out fine. No rush.

[Jonp219]

Not scared, and did date while separated before getting divorced. Simply not interested anymore. Too much like work and job number one after divorce and death is getting the most value out of life and dating is a dry hole and was a huge past time and money suck so won't be revisiting it again.

 

You're 25 so still on the upward arc of the reproductive curve so perfectly normal to both fear and want female companionship. Nature is calling you to reproduce. Opportunities will come your way. IMO, if you push yourself a bit to socialize, in general, things will work out fine. No rush.

 

I thought my recent relationship was going to be one I settle down with, but apparently that wasn't the case. I'm suppose to go out there and have sex with as many sexy women as I can get my hands on, but the thought of that is just nauseating to me. I don't share the same social ideal as other men my age, I don't know why but I just don't. And because of that, I just feel really nervous about the future. I can't even move out because I'm so terrified of being alone. The thought of coming home to an empty house with just my own company to look forward to sounds depressing. And slowly I start falling back into regret for my actions in my previous relationship, I start telling myself stuff like, "How could you **** that up so bad, you had a woman who was wife material and you ****ed that up, stupid". I know I shouldn't say things like that to myself but the voices are so loud when I think about dating again.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Jonp219

[Throldur]

I thought my recent relationship was going to be one I settle down with, but apparently that wasn't the case. I'm suppose to go out there and have sex with as many sexy women as I can get my hands on, but the thought of that is just nauseating to me. I don't share the same social ideal as other men my age, I don't know why but I just don't. And because of that, I just feel really nervous about the future. I can't even move out because I'm so terrified of being alone. The thought of coming home to an empty house with just my own company to look forward to sounds depressing. And slowly I start falling back into regret for my actions in my previous relationship, I start telling myself stuff like, "How could you **** that up so bad, you had a woman who was wife material and you ****ed that up, stupid". I know I shouldn't say things like that to myself but the voices are so loud when I think about dating again.

 

You and I are exactly the same in this.

 

All my friends are in relationships or have moved away. The only girl recently attracted to me besides my girlfriend was her best friend so obviously that boat has sailed and would be horrible to do. Online dating just doesn't work for me since I'm not a photogenic guy and it's all about pictures, apparently. So, I'm a failure off the bat there.

 

I don't do cold approaches. I hate bars. If I go to local music shows, I might meet girls that are my tastes, but I don't do cold approaches and especially would feel awkward doing it going to a concert alone.

 

It feels like the majority of quality women are in relationships and if they're not, they aren't interested in me. I will be moving out on my own once I get my career straightened away but still, other than my kitten, coming home to an empty apartment will be devastating. I'm not the type of guy who wants to sleep with a bunch of girls, although, I get in periods where that's what I think I want, but that's just a minor set of GIGS.. and I want to really just settle down and marry when I find the perfect girl, which I had, but like you, it wasn't meant to be, I ****ed it up and all I can do is regret it.

 

I tried Tinder, OKCupid and POF. None have worked. A friend tried to set me up at two parties with this one girl but she's super shy, doesn't really care about what she wears and got out of an abusive relationship so that doesn't really seem like a good fit. Someone I used to work with mentioned a couple of single girls they know, I'll see what happens but eh, I dunno.. and I'm gonna ask my friend about her friend to see if she's single and that's only because I see we had similar interests in T.V. shows (she likes Always Sunny in Philadelphia so I know she'll have the same sense of humor which is huge for me). Other than that, there's not a lot of options and my heart really isn't in it.

 

I just saw a friend of mine post pictures of his new girlfriend. My god, she's gorgeous. Reminds me a lot of my ex girlfriend and then I just felt gutted. I miss my girlfriend so ****ing much. Why did I **** it up? Why did she **** it up? I would do anything to just fix what was..

[Jonp219]

You and I are exactly the same in this.

 

All my friends are in relationships or have moved away. The only girl recently attracted to me besides my girlfriend was her best friend so obviously that boat has sailed and would be horrible to do. Online dating just doesn't work for me since I'm not a photogenic guy and it's all about pictures, apparently. So, I'm a failure off the bat there.

 

I don't do cold approaches. I hate bars. If I go to local music shows, I might meet girls that are my tastes, but I don't do cold approaches and especially would feel awkward doing it going to a concert alone.

 

It feels like the majority of quality women are in relationships and if they're not, they aren't interested in me. I will be moving out on my own once I get my career straightened away but still, other than my kitten, coming home to an empty apartment will be devastating. I'm not the type of guy who wants to sleep with a bunch of girls, although, I get in periods where that's what I think I want, but that's just a minor set of GIGS.. and I want to really just settle down and marry when I find the perfect girl, which I had, but like you, it wasn't meant to be, I ****ed it up and all I can do is regret it.

 

I tried Tinder, OKCupid and POF. None have worked. A friend tried to set me up at two parties with this one girl but she's super shy, doesn't really care about what she wears and got out of an abusive relationship so that doesn't really seem like a good fit. Someone I used to work with mentioned a couple of single girls they know, I'll see what happens but eh, I dunno.. and I'm gonna ask my friend about her friend to see if she's single and that's only because I see we had similar interests in T.V. shows (she likes Always Sunny in Philadelphia so I know she'll have the same sense of humor which is huge for me). Other than that, there's not a lot of options and my heart really isn't in it.

 

I just saw a friend of mine post pictures of his new girlfriend. My god, she's gorgeous. Reminds me a lot of my ex girlfriend and then I just felt gutted. I miss my girlfriend so ****ing much. Why did I **** it up? Why did she **** it up? I would do anything to just fix what was..

 

Hey man, at least you have a couple of potential prospects I don't have anything. I probably won't have anything for quite a while since I'm scared of meeting people. I don't even want to bother with dating sites, because I just don't have the time to put in all that effort into a profile. I don't know what I'm going to do, having a fulfilling relationship ever again seems like such a stretch right now. To make matters even worst, I live in NYC home of 9 million people lol. It's sad.

[cottom]

Although it's only been 2 months and a week since my break up and 3 weeks of NC, I feel like I don't ever want to date again. I know it sounds ridiculous; especially, only being 25 years old, but meeting that special someone feels like it's going to be a grueling process that always ends up becoming a huge waste of time. Most people my age want to date around, and I'm just not interested in 'dating'. I don't even like having sex with someone unless I'm in a relationship with them, it's weird. I'm also intimidated by pretty women, the only pretty women that have liked me are ones I've met through mutual friends. I don't feel right meeting my future girlfriend/wife at a bar, a club, or a party because I'm mostly looking for a homebody.

 

I don't do cold approaches, I'm not good at sparking convos with strangers especially women I find attractive. ****, I can't even talk to the girls at school, I just feel too stuck, I don't want to weird them out. I was in a relationship for 4 years, I never cheated and I only flirted like once or twice. It just feels like I'm at a HUGE disadvantage, the thought of all this makes me really sad and hopeless inside.

 

I don't know, I'm just scared that I'll end up going on this date with someone, and although we click, we both might have different intentions for each other.

 

The dating world has been scary to me during every period of my life. However, the thought of it seems even scarier now. I know most will say it's because of my recent break-up, but I doubt this pessimism will ever go away, it never has.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?

 

Just talking about it gives me a knot on my throat, I still believe I'll never find anyone better than my ex...

 

You have just described me, im 22 and across a 7 year period i went from girl to girl and spend 5 months single. I have now being single for a year and havent even pulled a girl. I dont sleep with a girl unless im with them and i only get with decent girls, not the slags.

 

I got really messed over in my last relationship where i found out she was having an affair for 2 months, since then i have been afraid to talk to girls, afraid they think im going to be boring and i feel so ugly since the last girl.

 

I get girls throw themselves at me, but theyre all 6/10 at best and i prefer to go for the better ones.

 

I met a girl OLD a month and a half i got really into her, texting every day but she always came out with excuses to blow off our plans. It put me off even more meeting a girl because they all end in heartbreak or just stress.

[Jonp219]

You have just described me, im 22 and across a 7 year period i went from girl to girl and spend 5 months single. I have now being single for a year and havent even pulled a girl. I dont sleep with a girl unless im with them and i only get with decent girls, not the slags.

 

I got really messed over in my last relationship where i found out she was having an affair for 2 months, since then i have been afraid to talk to girls, afraid they think im going to be boring and i feel so ugly since the last girl.

 

I get girls throw themselves at me, but theyre all 6/10 at best and i prefer to go for the better ones.

 

I met a girl OLD a month and a half i got really into her, texting every day but she always came out with excuses to blow off our plans. It put me off even more meeting a girl because they all end in heartbreak or just stress.

 

My ex was like a 7 or 8.

 

Average looking girls tend to have the best personalities in my opinion. I don't even try to pull girls I have this tendency of judging others before I really get a chance to know them, I can't help it. Then every date makes me feel like I'm getting led on, and I don't have time for kiddy games. Don't make me like you and then tell me, "Oh, i'm just dating".

 

This site also makes me feel hopeless. There's a lot of wonderful people on here who have been very helpful in my time of need, but I read too many stories that ruin my day. I wasn't as jaded towards the dating world as I was until I started coming here. What I see in my everyday life isn't what I see here, so perception becomes a problem. I don't know, maybe I need to take time away from here.

[HBK3317]

Not scared but not interested anymore. I am done. Never am I letting my heart break again. Though a part of me still wants to feel love and that warm feeling of being with someone I am not willing to face this rut ever again. God it hurts so much.

 

Sometimes I can't help but feel 'why do the *********s have all the luck... Is this for real?'

[Jonp219]

Not scared but not interested anymore. I am done. Never am I letting my heart break again. Though a part of me still wants to feel love and that warm feeling of being with someone I am not willing to face this rut ever again. God it hurts so much.

 

Sometimes I can't help but feel 'why do the *********s have all the luck... Is this for real?'

 

I hope this is just a phase for the both of us. You're hurt, but you're still in tact with your emotions, that's a good thing, it means you will open your heart up to someone else again someday. At moments like these make me wonder what the hell are we going to say 10 years from now when we read these post lol

[carhill]

In my case, the last date I went on was a bit over five years ago and the D has been final nearly that long. I figure, where I'm going, I'll do what I do and if I run into any ladies, OK. Otherwise, just keep breathin' and enjoyin' life.

[Jonp219]

In my case, the last date I went on was a bit over five years ago and the D has been final nearly that long. I figure, where I'm going, I'll do what I do and if I run into any ladies, OK. Otherwise, just keep breathin' and enjoyin' life.

 

Thanks, I'll try. I'm just very big on companionship and I hope I meet that special someone one day...again.

[carhill]

Yep, understand completely. The good news is there's billions of people in the world who feel exactly the same as you do so you're bound to run into another one who works out.

 

One tip would be to socialize and date without substantive emotional investment. Save that for far down the road of interaction. Nothing to fear. Simply have a good time and keep showing up. Whatever happens, happens.

[HBK3317]

I hope so too bro. And ten years down the line I sure wish things are much better and we can laugh at all these posts!

 

I hope this is just a phase for the both of us. You're hurt, but you're still in tact with your emotions, that's a good thing, it means you will open your heart up to someone else again someday. At moments like these make me wonder what the hell are we going to say 10 years from now when we read these post lol

[GTR King]

You will find someone one day.

 

Just concentrate on enjoying life & being your self..

 

Just go out with friends etc and keep yourself busy.

 

No need to rush anything or be scared

Edited April 19, 2015 by GTR King