Philosopher Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 About a month ago I was contacted by a girl on Match. I replied and she followed up by asking me for my number which I gave. She suggested we talk further via WhatApps and we subsequently started messaging each other via this app. So far so good. After a couple of texts she mentioned she was going off on holiday in a week's time to the Philippines which is where her family were from and she suggested we meet up after she back, which would be in April, which I agreed to. In the meantime we continued to communicate via WhatsApps. When she was in the Philippines we continued to communicate almost every day. Our conversations went very well, she appeared to find my jokes funny and she kept on mentioning we should do this and that together when she is back, so she seemed very keen. However at this point aspects of her behaviour started to get me suspicious. Firstly she would not give a definite date on when she would return, only that the latest she would be back was the third Friday of April. Secondly it turned out she was also there for work (she is a financial advisor) and was there meeting work clients as well as for a holiday. She did not mention this before she went on holiday. Thirdly she frequently messaged me at times that would be the middle of the night in the Philippines. Last week I asked her when she was coming back and she said it would probably be by the middle of April, however if she had to meet this client it might be extended by another week. Following that I made tentative plans with her to meet up this weekend. Today however she said that she would not be coming back for another three weeks as she needed to meet a client and close a deal. When I asked her whom she worked for and why this meeting can't happen sooner, she said she worked for a computer software company (I checked and is it a real company) and that the client was very strange, but did not elaborate further. Is her apparent interest she has in me likely to be genuine, or does she have an ulterior motive? Should I continue or stop communicating with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Has she sent you pics of herself from her trip? I would ask for that if you're concerned she's not who she says she is. The other issue might be one of those people who ask for money, but that seems obvious to spot as the person will eventually come up with a reason to ask for money which is a huge red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Has she sent you pics of herself from her trip? I would ask for that if you're concerned she's not who she says she is. The other issue might be one of those people who ask for money, but that seems obvious to spot as the person will eventually come up with a reason to ask for money which is a huge red flag. She has sent one photo of herself on her trip, so it does appear that she is the Philippines, that said the photo could be from previous trips. She has not asked for money. Obviously that would be a give way that this is a scam. Link to post Share on other sites
kevintech Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Maybe try a voice call. Listen to see if she has a foreign accent. I'm suspicious that she might just be from the Philippines. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I don't know man. The fact that she gave her number, but then suggested talking on WA instead only to tell you suddenly she was going to the Philippines? Then when you bring up getting together, her trip keeps getting extended. At this point, I'd respond with "No worries. Give me a call when you're back from your trip, and we'll make plans to get together over the phone." Then you go no contact, start meeting other women, and if she ever does call you, see what she's like on your first date. Other than that, stop wasting your time with all the texting. None of it means anything until you actually spend time with her in person. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I agree with FitnessFan - I don't think there's any real ulterior motive - she's just busy. Moreover, you haven't met her, she's not asking for anything strange - it is what it is. Throttle back on contact, or stop completely, and just tell her to reach out to you when she gets back. I give people a pass in this situation (as I haven't met them yet). Go meet other people, have fun, and if your situation is compatible with meeting new people when she gets back and she just happens to contact you, by all means, see her and have fun. It is what it is, she hasn't done anything that odd, so don't give her too much flak about it, but just make sure you're trying to meet other people in the interim and not getting overly invested in someone that you may never meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Why would you put your dating life on hold for a month for one woman you never met? Besides, for all you know, you could be talking to a man! Shocker! Some of you guys need to grow a backbone. If she can't meet within a week, you are probably wasting your time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 It is a known scam; First to get the communcation away from the original site and then for the correspondent to go to a foreign country. At some point - after hearts and feelings are invested - he/she in said foreign country will have an emergency requiring the wiring of funds. Walk away now: It is probably a scammer based out of Nigeria anyway. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 ^^^^Nigerian scammer is a possibility... if that's the case, she (it's a he) will eventually ask him for money when she's short for the plane ticket home. Not playing with people who are not local AND available will weed those out... along with other users. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Thanks all for the advice. My suspicions are that this is a scam and at some point she will claim she has run out of money and will ask me to pay for the flight home if I continue communicate with her. Alternatively she has a boyfriend in the Philippines and she is messaging me just for fun and has no intention of meeting me, hence why she keeps on extending the trip. So my inclination is to cease contact with her. However I do know some people have very demanding jobs so it could be that her story is true. Either way I agree it is best to try and meet other girls. By the way I have been messaging other people in the meantime, I am not just sitting around waiting for this one girl to return. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Iffy situation, and certainly questionable at best, Only time will reveal the truth, and meeting her will attest, to be "catfished" is the term, taking advantage of vulnerability online, You'll only know when you actually meet in person having dinner with wine. Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Let us know if she ends up asking you for money, OP. I'm genuinely curious about this. Link to post Share on other sites
towardthefuture Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Mmmm at best you're getting strung along by someone who's just looking for a chat buddy to boost her sense of desirability. At worst something fishy's going on. One time on OLD some girl sent a response to my opener by being immediately overly interested in me (red flag), but didn't have enough money to get back to <my area> (oh no!). Seemed fishy so I was like, aww and chatted with her just a bit to try to get more information out of her. Once I got enough info to google her I found out she was from another state with a kid and was married, and was 5 years older than her profile said. I just said pfff not buying it. I assume she was trying to score a free vacation to my area. Women do some pretty despicable things. *shrug* could be or couldn't be. Either way stop messaging this girl, it's a waste of time. Even if you do eventually meet her if you spent the first month of getting to know her exhausting all potential date topics and putting up with a sexless relationship at her convenience you won't really have a foundation for an equal relationship in the future 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I'd keep talking to her while keeping her at arms length emotionally. If she turns out to be legit, great, and if she turns out to be phony, it could be entertaining to turn the tables and string her along without her knowing you know. Forex, agree to pay her sudden medical expense, but you have to wait two weeks before your inheritance from your late grandmother comes in. Etc. It'd be fun to find out what the real story is either way. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 There's another reason why you never penpal and you push to meet right away. If you aren't meeting, you don't engage (often) Daily contact is too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 A quick update on the situation. I messaged her yesterday saying it would be best if we stop chatting until she is back from her trip and that once she was back she should call or text me to arrange to meet up. She replied saying no worries. I would be very surprised if I ever hear back from her, but you never know. No request to wire over some cash to pay for a medical emergency or a plane ticket back home has yet materialised. Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Ever hear back? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I think you did the right thing in this situation. Tell her that you expect to hear from her when she returns. If you never hear from her again, so be it. I'm not sure if she was/is scamming you for something, she didn't ask you for anything like money did she? I hope not. If she is who she says she is, okay. If she isn't who she said she was, then you dodged a bullet. And if you never hear from her again, probably for the best. She sounds like a time waster. A few years ago I went out on an internet date with this guy - we met at a restaurant and he said he had met a few people, many were just texting buddies. I had a feeling I would be one of them. I was going away for the weekend and thought I would hear back from him when I returned, but my gut told me he was a time waster. Never heard from him again, no harm, no foul. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Ever hear back? No, not yet. She did say her flight back was booked for the 8th May, so if she is going to contact me back, I guess it would be around then. I'm not sure if she was/is scamming you for something, she didn't ask you for anything like money did she? I hope not. I agree that she probably was not a scam, she has not yet asked me for money and seemed OK with me when I told her we should stop messaging until she is back. I am in two minds of what I think about this girl. On the one hand she did seem one of the more promising girls whom I messaged / messaged me off an online dating site, hence why I continued to message her even though I knew a meet up would be several weeks off. On the other hand, if her story is true then to me it would suggest that she has a very demanding job, possibly meaning she would be frequently cancelling or rescheduling dates due to work commitments. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 An update on the situation. She messaged me out of the blue today saying that she was back from her trip, about seven weeks after she initially said she would be back. I have not yet replied. I'm not that sure whether to reply to her. My gut feeling is not to reply just because the whole situation with her trip being extended by several weeks seemed a bit dodgy. Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Did you ever get to the bottom of this strange scenario? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Did you ever get to the bottom of this strange scenario? Not really, she did randomly contact me just under two months ago saying she was back from her trip and we could now meet up. However I would have been away on holiday on the day she suggested meeting up and I told her I was no longer really interested in meeting up, which she accepted. I suspect her story probably was true after all, however I just did not want to risk it, in case she throw up more surprises. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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