Indonesia1 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Just over a year ago me and my first love broke up. We dated for just under a year. A very intense love/lust. We broke up for many reasons and although i initiated the breakup i was genuinely devastated. (i wanted to get back together for months but he didnt want to and said he wasnt sure he was attracted to me anymore, my ego took a massive hit (i had not changed physically) It took me until returning to university in September this year to feel better. We barely bumped into eachother and i still felt a twinge of something but just shook it off. I started seeing a guy quite casually in december. I took to quite like him after a month or so. I bumped into my ex who really was flirting. Was a bit suprised given what happened with us. He asked me to go home with him. I politely said no i was seeing someone. He did not take this well. Weirdly this is something i would have really wanted to happen a year ago. Since then he's tried more but recently backed off after telling me when he was quite high that he loves me still but doesnt want to intefere in my relationship and that i'm the only woman he's ever loved. I like the guy i'm with. I do. He's loyal, honest, very relaxed, intelligent among other things. I'm definitely not in love. I know that may take time. I have recently dreamt about my ex a lot and thought about him even more (he's back to ignoring me now which is fair seeing as he's said some pretty out there things). I'm really confused as to what to do. Should i just wait for these thoughts about my ex to go away or is this an indicator that my current BF isn't right? Anyone been in a similar situation? Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 When you cant decide who you love more it means you love neither enough. Go find someone else 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm sorry OP, but I don't think your ex is seriously interested. One generally doesn't go from not being attracted to you being the only woman he's ever loved, in such a short period of time. I think he's feeling territorial and lonely/bored. That's not a shot at you, but just my suspicion. Don't keep in touch with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm sorry OP, but I don't think your ex is seriously interested. One generally doesn't go from not being attracted to you being the only woman he's ever loved, in such a short period of time. I think he's feeling territorial and lonely/bored. That's not a shot at you, but just my suspicion. Don't keep in touch with him. Agree 100%. First "come home with me" was a booty call. The second was a play at defending his perceived territory. You rebuffed him twice so he's using the silent treatment on you now. There is nothing there with him. Not sure what you do with BF#2 since there isn't a choice to be forced here (ex BF is not an option - take it from me). Just continue to date and stop thinking about ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Indonesia1 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Thanks for the advice guys! i have been warned by my friends that my ex is probably just being nostalgic but two of his good friends weirdly tell me he isn't over the break up. He hasn't had a girlfriend and the times we spoke last summer (i know a long time ago but we've ignored eachother since) before the booty call he said he would always love/having feelings for me. His friends always pull him away from me when we're out. We used to argue plenty when out but not once have i said anything remotely bitter or angry since returning in September. When i asked his best friend why, he said it hurts him. We've not been able to properly talk since being 'over' eachother. I was okay for so long but there's definite a huge rush of something when i speak to him. He still won't leave my dreams. I want to properly let go but something is stopping me and i don't know how. My new BF is more suited to me, they're both attractive men so it's not the physical attraction but the overall infatuation is so much dimmer. I want to stop comparing but surely it's meant to improve in new relationships? and yes i understand my ex is 99% not looking for anything with me, i just wish all the things he/his friends tell me wouldn't go against that Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You initiated the break up You had to have valid reasons to do so. Even though you were lonely afterwards, in everything you have written you have never said that the reasons you dumped him have ever been addressed. You also acknowledge that your new BF is a better match for you. Nostalgia is one thing. Going backwards in life is something else & a generally bad idea. Don't do it. It's OK to remember some of the good times about your former relationship. It's not advisable to try to recreate them when you know that it wasn't working. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Indonesia1 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Sounds like you are on the rebound. Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You'll probably always have a soft spot in your heart for your ex. Emotions can be very deceiving. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It's an indicator that you're idealising an past relationship and selectively not remembering the real reasons why it ended. I can guarantee that if you were to get back together with your ex it would be an awful reliving of the bad stuff that happened first time around. Stick with your current guy and see how it goes. if you never love him, find someone completely different. Link to post Share on other sites
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