Hopeful30 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I really want to express how much I like this one guy (who ive gotten to know well the last few months), but he is always seeing someone. If hes single, i only find out about it after he's already started dating someone new. It's inconsiderate to tell someone you have feelings for them if theyre already involved...right? He was into me before, but I didn't know him then so wasnt interested. NOW i am but he's seeing someone. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Well you say that he's always seeing someone else. This means when he's interested, he acts on it. So I'm sorry to say this, but I doubt he was ever really interested in you like you think he was. If he was, he would have taken action like he does with the other women he dates. Just some food for thought. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 He is dating, not married. Dating is about figuring out who's better suited for us. People change boyfriend-girlfriend every day. You tell him and let him decide if he wants to be with you or with his current girlfriend. Nothing wrong with it. You only got 1 life to live, don't live it on 'what if' I had told him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 He is dating, not married. Dating is about figuring out who's better suited for us. People change boyfriend-girlfriend every day. You tell him and let him decide if he wants to be with you or with his current girlfriend. Nothing wrong with it. You only got 1 life to live, don't live it on 'what if' I had told him. Gaeta is spot-on. People believe there has to be some kind of perfect scenario where everyone is the absolute best versions of themselves but also magically unattached. The real world doesn't work that way. My current boyfriend and I were seeing other people when we realized we had feelings for each other. We had a mature talk about it and boom, here we are. I'm the happiest I've ever been because I took that chance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 IMO, this is the kind of guy I would not entertain getting involved with. Why would you want to be with a guy who flits from girl to girl on a whim, never taking downtime? Sounds like bad news and a guaranteed heartache in the end. I'd run away! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I still say that if he was interested, he would have asked you out like he does with other women he dates. Since he never made any attempt to date you, I don't know how you can think he was into you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 I still say that if he was interested, he would have asked you out like he does with other women he dates. Since he never made any attempt to date you, I don't know how you can think he was into you. He did, a few times. Thats why I mentioned i wasnt into him when he was into me, hence i didnt take his advances. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 You shot him down when he was attracted to you. Any guy with dignity intact, picks up his rejection and moves onto the next girl. So are you really interested in him or is it that you miss him fawning over you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 He did, a few times. Thats why I mentioned i wasnt into him when he was into me, hence i didnt take his advances. You weren't specific in your opening post though. You just said that he was into you. That makes it seem like you were just assuming he was. But now that you say you turned him down a few times, that's different. Although now it sounds like a case of buyer's remorse wanting what you can't have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 You shot him down when he was attracted to you. Any guy with dignity intact, picks up his rejection and moves onto the next girl. So are you really interested in him or is it that you miss him fawning over you? Im genuinely into him. I tried not to be because he isnt the kind of guy I want at ALL, but what can I say, he grew on me And no its not "buyers remorse" lol so silly Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 IMO, this is the kind of guy I would not entertain getting involved with. Why would you want to be with a guy who flits from girl to girl on a whim, never taking downtime? Sounds like bad news and a guaranteed heartache in the end. I'd run away! Sometimes you've got to flits from girl to girl till you find the right one. It's much healthier than remaining in an unfulfilled relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Sometimes you've got to flits from girl to girl till you find the right one. It's much healthier than remaining in an unfulfilled relationship. It's the lack of downtime that alarms me the most. I don't recommend that people stay in lousy relationships. But why can't he be single? Monkeybarring is always alarming to me... But also, the context of a man who seems to jump from girl to girl to girl... well, sure, he's leaving behind what he doesn't want. That's good. But I know it wouldn't work for me personally. I would never expect myself to be the exception. I am not special. If a man jumped from girl to girl, and then jumped to me, he'd jump to another girl after me just as quick. I have no desire to go through that. I know I will never be the exception. So, I'm much more interested in men who date less often, take their time, are regularly single and okay with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 (edited) It's the lack of downtime that alarms me the most. I don't recommend that people stay in lousy relationships. But why can't he be single? Monkeybarring is always alarming to me... But also, the context of a man who seems to jump from girl to girl to girl... well, sure, he's leaving behind what he doesn't want. That's good. But I know it wouldn't work for me personally. I would never expect myself to be the exception. I am not special. If a man jumped from girl to girl, and then jumped to me, he'd jump to another girl after me just as quick. I have no desire to go through that. I know I will never be the exception. So, I'm much more interested in men who date less often, take their time, are regularly single and okay with that. Its preferable, sure, but I wouldnt judge a man by that. None of us have clean, consistent histories or perfectly balanced "me" time and "relationship " time, so we cant expect our men to. It is what it is. Edited March 28, 2015 by Hopeful30 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Why did you change your mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Its preferable, sure, but I wouldnt judge a man by that. None of us have clean, consistent histories or perfectly balanced "me" time and "relationship " time, so we cant expect our men to. It is what it is. Plenty of people have a good amount of downtime between relationships. I stay single for quite a long while between any relationship, and every man I've ever been with did the same. It's not some mythical thing, plenty of people do. I just prefer to do it that way. I know I personally would not be in a good mindset if I didn't take that time. I'm sure others can mentally put aside whatever went on in their last relationship and move on instantly, but I know I can't. I need time. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Plenty of people have a good amount of downtime between relationships. I stay single for quite a long while between any relationship, and every man I've ever been with did the same. It's not some mythical thing, plenty of people do. I just prefer to do it that way. I know I personally would not be in a good mindset if I didn't take that time. I'm sure others can mentally put aside whatever went on in their last relationship and move on instantly, but I know I can't. I need time. But this is all in the space of 2 months so it doesn't sound like he has had any significant "relationships" during that time. If he in proper relationships now or just dating various women? Either way OP i think the ball is in your court, if you have turned him down a few times he probably wont try again, which is good that he took no for an answer and moved on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 But this is all in the space of 2 months so it doesn't sound like he has had any significant "relationships" during that time. If he in proper relationships now or just dating various women? Either way OP i think the ball is in your court, if you have turned him down a few times he probably wont try again, which is good that he took no for an answer and moved on. True, it all depends on the seriousness of his interactions with these women. For all I know, it was a simple matter of seeing a woman 2 times and then deciding she wasn't right, and then moving on to the next. Just sharing my perspective on it, no rights or wrongs Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 He did, a few times. Thats why I mentioned i wasnt into him when he was into me, hence i didnt take his advances. And if he became available again and asked you out, chances are whatever attraction you're feeling now would fly right out the window... Face it, you like him right now cause you can't have him... It's the ole "I want what I can't have" syndrome. Am I right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 Why did you change your mind? Nothing in particular. He's a neighbour too, so we have time to hang out or help each other with certain house maintenance errands. I just started noticing his good qualities that I didn't have an opportunity to notice before. I got to see his character and how he is as a person, and I began to like that guy And if he became available again and asked you out, chances are whatever attraction you're feeling now would fly right out the window... Face it, you like him right now cause you can't have him... It's the ole "I want what I can't have" syndrome. Am I right? Nope. I've rejected men before who moved on to other women, and I couldn't care less because I didn't like them anyway. This guy grew on me. Happens I guess Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Nothing in particular. He's a neighbour too, so we have time to hang out or help each other with certain house maintenance errands. I just started noticing his good qualities that I didn't have an opportunity to notice before. I got to see his character and how he is as a person, and I began to like that guy Nope. I've rejected men before who moved on to other women, and I couldn't care less because I didn't like them anyway. This guy grew on me. Happens I guess I didn't mean you like "every" man who is unavailable... I just find it odd that you did not like "this" guy UNTIL "he" became unavailable.... and then suddenly you like him? How did he "grow on you" anyway? What does that even mean? If my boyfriend told me he liked/loved me because I "grew on him".... I would be thoroughly insulted! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 If you say anything, just tell him he's really grown on you the more you've gotten to know him. Who's to say if he likes you more or less now that he's gotten to know you, but hopefully he likes you still. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 If you say anything, just tell him he's really grown on you the more you've gotten to know him. Who's to say if he likes you more or less now that he's gotten to know you, but hopefully he likes you still. Is there any way to tell? lol Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 If he is trying to spend a lot of time with you, he probably likes you. But if you just run into him because he's a neighbor, who knows. You shot him down once, so that makes it your move. You don't have to do it demanding to have a thing with him NOW and disrupt his life. Just tell him, Hey, I rejected you once. I just wanted to let you know that since then I've come to really think you'll great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 If he is trying to spend a lot of time with you, he probably likes you. But if you just run into him because he's a neighbor, who knows. You shot him down once, so that makes it your move. You don't have to do it demanding to have a thing with him NOW and disrupt his life. Just tell him, Hey, I rejected you once. I just wanted to let you know that since then I've come to really think you'll great. More like "I didn't think of you in a romantic way until recently." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 If my boyfriend told me he liked/loved me because I "grew on him".... I would be thoroughly insulted! Would you prefer he liked you right away based on only your looks and one conversation? I guess some people prefer that... Let me guess, he cant grow to love you either right? He needs to love you right away too? Hmm... If he is trying to spend a lot of time with you, he probably likes you. But if you just run into him because he's a neighbor, who knows. You shot him down once, so that makes it your move. You don't have to do it demanding to have a thing with him NOW and disrupt his life. Just tell him, Hey, I rejected you once. I just wanted to let you know that since then I've come to really think you'll great. Damn, hes not into me anymore then. I only ever see him when we run into each other ugh! If only men were a little patient and realized women arent like men and take some time to like someone. We arent purely visual you know. Well, maybe katiegirl is, she seems to hate the idea of growing on someone. Apparently you should know right away. Link to post Share on other sites
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