I don't know where I stand.

[zachsack]

PLEASE. I KNOW ITS REALLY LONG, BUT I HAVE THIS PROBLEM THAT I DESPERATELY NEED HELP ON, AND KNOWING ALL THE DETAILS IS VERY VITAL. PLEASE, IF ANYONE WILL READ THIS POST, AND GIVE ME FEEDBACK, I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL.

 

 

 

I don't know how I feel. Honestly, I really don't know. My feelings for her has been in ups and downs and I really don't know what to do anymore. I still crush on her, but I feel its ready to stop and just move on. Or, maybe we could've been something, but I was too slow and too self-absorbed with my dreams that I simply didn't catch on.

 

What I know:

-I love her alooot.

-I would do anything to be hers.

-I dream everyday about what we could be, shes literally on of the first things that pops up when I wake up in the mornings.

-Gives me so many hints, yet ignores me at times.

-I am just too scared to talk to her anymore face to face, that used to be SO easy. But now with new classes, I just don't see her as often, and when I do, I just look in her eyes and she returns the gaze then we walk on.

-I don't text her that much anymore.

 

What I don't know and what I WANT to find out:

-If she has the same feelings for me, shes given so many clues, agreeing to hang out, sending flirty emojis, ACTUALLY texting me and have me saved as a contact.

-If I missed my chance with her or theres still time.

-If there still is a chance, what should I do? Like any guy, my biggest fear is rejection from a female.

-WHY THE HELL SHE IGNORES ME ONE MINUTE AND THEN ACT ALL FLIRTY THE NEXT.

-What the hell does she think of me? A slow guy who just can't catch on to her feelings, or just some low idiot that won't leave her alone.

-Am I losing my grip on her, my contact?

 

 

Heres how it all started...

 

In the beginning of the school year, I did not know her, she was a stranger to me, the most we ever talked was a greeting. As I got to know her friends I started to talk to her. And I don't know when, but somewhere along that line we clicked. One day, (at this point we still aren't "friends" but more than strangers.) during the weekend, I direct messaged her on IG (haven't gotten her number yet) and said Hey. She replies "where are you?" and I was like "wtf". Then I asked her if she wanted to hang out, and to my suprise she said "yes!" and told me she was "home alone and bored". She was also waiting for a friend to come over, so I suggest we could all hang out. Afterwards, I gave her my number and told her I'll be waiting outside and text me when she was ready. This whole conversation showed that she did want to become more than a stranger to me, and we could become friends. Around 10 minutes later, I was at her driveway (she lived right down the street) and she came out. (I didn't knock) and she said her greetings. Then I asked her where we could go, and she said wherever I wanted. I was thinking maybe the park or somewhere where we could chill and she said it sounded good. But, she had to wait for her friend to come over (who ended up not coming). So, I told her I'll go on ahead and we could meet up later. So I left, about 30 minutes later, she still hasn't shown up at our meeting spot, so I texted her and she told me her friend hasn't come over yet. So I was like ok, I waited alittle longer and then I just dropped it, thinking she was messing with me the whole time. So, when we went back to school, I saw her but never asked why she never came. Then I saw her friend that was supposed to come over and I asked her if she was at her house that day. Her friend told me that she invited her and told her that I was there, but she was never able to come. So, I just left it at that. After giving it some thought, I just left it to two results: 1) She just completely messed with my mind and never intended to hang out. 2) Her parents came home and she couldn't leave. Since, she told me she was "home alone". To this day, about 5 months later, I still regret not asking her the reason she never came.

 

After that, I never actually asked again to try to hang out, but I talked to her more and more at school. This one time (probably thinking too far) I went to the media center and she wanted to follow. Could be a coincidence but who knows? Anyway, I talked to her more and more. This one day, I asked her for help on homework over text and she helped me. (she didn't know either and actually went to ask her friend and then told me) and when I said thanks. She sent a whole bunch of flirty emojis and a "YOUR WELCOME". That was a bit odd. Over winterbreak, when I text her first she would now reply with "hey *name*". Instead of "hey" or whatever one lettered text to start off. Also, maybe not something to get worked up over, but when I texted her Merry Christmas she replied "you too" with two heart emojis. Like I said, nothing to work up about but its these little things that tell you more. It was also this time when she asked me "why do you seem like your mad at me". This is not the first time, whenever I get frustrated at her, she always suprised and sensitive about it, like she didn't expect or want me to be mad or upset at her. But after that, I stopped texting her alittle and she started ignoring me a bit.

 

After winter-break we saw each other less and less due to exams. But when the second semester started, we just stop talking for long periods of time. Until one night, she called me, it was like out of the blue, and she asked me for to give advice to her friend that was having trouble with a guy. And since I was a guy, maybe I could help. Being suprised, I didn't really give good advice, so when I hanged up, I texted her actual advice and she said thanks. (I, posted this and everyone said it was a sure sign of interest, since I had no idea who her the guy her friend was having trouble with was) . Then, a couple of days later, she called me again, but this time I didn't answer since I was in bed, so when I woke up, I tried to ring her back, once, twice. And even texted her. But throughout a period of 4 days. She comepletely IGNORED me. So on the 5th day. I spoke my truth and asked her why she acted the ways she did. Heres how it went from how I recall:

 

Me: Your so hard to read sometimes, why do you do that?

(Almost instantly) Her: What???

Me: You called me 4 days ago. What did you need?

Her: I forgot!

Me: And you didn't bother calling back, or texting back?

Her: honestly i didnt see the texts till now, i was busy sledding. (I know this is not true because I saw her activity on Instagram but didn't want to say anything)

Then she sends me this link to a iTunes giveaway...

Her: (Link)

Her: please click!

Me: *her name*...

Her: whut?

Me: A iTunes giveaway? Really? You can't possibly believe those. (For the next few minutes she ignores me)

Me: You know thats my pet peeve.

(Instantly) Her: What?

Me: To be called into something then pushed out. Like someone saying "hey, guess what?" then "nevermind!".

Me: You know what? I'm done prying for info.

Her: I forgot why I callers! (she meant to put "called" but made a typo)

Her: why are you being so mean (here it goes again, like shes so sensitive about me being upset to her.)

Me: Look, I'm sorry, but I don't think a iTunes giveaway is why you called.

Her: I didn't need anything. I just called.

Me: Your voice sounded like you needed something (When she left a voicemail, she didn't realize it was on, so she just said "hello?", "(my name)", and "hello" like 6 more times. Her tone sounded pretty stern and needy, not "I didn't need anything".)

Her: dude, what voice?

Her: see you dont answer *laughing emoji* x2 (At this point, I went to bed.)

(Next morning) Me: I went to bed, your voice sounded like really stern.

Me: Look, honestly, I just don't think a iTunes giveaway is the reason you called.

Me: If you really don't want to tell me, I'll just stop prying.

Her: sorry

Me: Im sorry too, its just so annoying,

 

After that, we ceased to talk except once or twice, this was about less than a month ago.

 

Now, we seem cool, even though we talk even less. I saw her in the hallway and we just said hey.

 

-I really want to talk to her face to face and ask her how she feels, or maybe her best friend. But, I feared being rejected even more and even laughed at.

-I want to ask her face to face what she wanted that night, but then maybe she'll think I'm so stupid and I'm still wondering about a incident from 3 weeks ago. Maybe she forgot by this point.

-Most of all. I want to tell her how I feel, or anyone. But I don't trust any of my friends on that level. I want to tell her myself. But, if I get rejected, not only will she look down on me, so will her friends. They will all think of me as "some-wanabe-who thinks he can get her". But I know she's not that kind of person and probably won't allow that. but rejection is still a big fear.

 

The thing I want to know is, is it too late? Should I still try, or give up and just try to remain friends. But, thats hard, because alittle bit of me keeps telling me shes interested and shes just waiting for my move. If she isn't. I'll be ready to move on.

Also, IF by any chance I still have an oppurtunity, how should I approach it? What should I do?

[spiderowl]

I confess I haven't read it all, just the first bit. She has given you some encouraging signals. If you didn't ask her out then, she would be confused by your reaction. This could explain the flirty then cool behaviour. But, ultimately, you take a risk. The worst that can happen is that she turns you down, laughs at you, tells all her friends how you asked her out and she turned you down. Yes, awful I know, but actually the guys that get the girls are usually the ones that take risks. Some get knocked back, yes, but as a woman I tend to look up to guys who ask me out more than those who never do. If they can take a rejection with humour, then I feel they are decent guys and I'd think twice. Of course if they smelled or were cruel or had some bad habit like smoking or drinking far too much then I'd maintain a distance, but most guys can up their status with women by being more daring than the crowd and showing interest and asking them out.

 

I know it might not seem like much compensation but if you ask her and she turns you down, you can at least console yourself with knowing that you had the guts to do it. Bear in mind there are quite a few guys who would be scared to take that risk. I feel a real man has to be prepared to, especially when he's had some positive signals.

[DatingAdvise]

The best advise i can give you is: Back off from this girl, she loses all respect for u because u act like a woman. My guess is that u can put a fork in this one.

 

Why?

woman are attracted to guys who's feelings are unclear. If u constantly iniating contact u give her the feeling that u are more in her then she in you. Thats the wrong polarization, a woman with attraction is reaching out, because woman is all about bonding, connecting. She will keep doing that if u threat her properly. If she feels u are unsure of your self or keep making circles when she knows that u like her more, she starts being cold, bitchie and flakey at you and back away more. a woman needs to wonder about you, feel your strength and loves mysterie. you certainly dont act this way. How u act is fenimen energy, woman want masculine energy. google that.

 

 

What to do?

The only way to know where u stand is asking her out. But u have only succes in this case if SHE is reaching out first. Then u ask her out of the blue after max 3 text exchange. If she give you a bull**** reason ( busy ). ask her when she is free, if she doesn't know or she say call me later maby bla bla bla.... then her attraction level is low. To gain more attraction is to let her now that u are not willing to have a maybe date, say to her that she figure out her schedule and come back to me, love to see u. Leave it at that, wait to hear from her. IF she has some interest she will come back maybe a couple of weeks or month, if not u can forget her she has no romantic interest. chasing her will not work u will stuck in friendzone and u never get out only if u Back away and with back away i mean forever!

 

What not to do?

chasing her, ( if u do more then 20% of the calling and texting u overpersuing).

agree to friendship

approval seeking behaviour

talk about relationships ( she will do if her interest is very high)

texting her with out a reason, only reason to text her is to make a date

call or text her longer then halfhour

 

 

good luck

Edited March 28, 2015 by DatingAdvise

[Buddhist]

Sorry couldn't read your novel....but I'm guessing the gist is like this.

 

-I'm in high school or junior college

-Some girl I like isn't telling me outright she's into me, it's frustrating because my own insecurities won't let me think that she does even in the face of evidence that she does.

- Please tell me how to put myself out of my misery without ever risking rejection or even facing my emotions head on.

 

Close? Okay then....

 

The answer is....you have to risk it by asking her out and possibly dying inside if she says no.

[zachsack]

Sorry couldn't read your novel....but I'm guessing the gist is like this.

 

-I'm in high school or junior college

-Some girl I like isn't telling me outright she's into me, it's frustrating because my own insecurities won't let me think that she does even in the face of evidence that she does.

- Please tell me how to put myself out of my misery without ever risking rejection or even facing my emotions head on.

 

Close? Okay then....

 

The answer is....you have to risk it by asking her out and possibly dying inside if she says no.[/quote

 

At this point I can accept a rejection, shrug it off. I just wanted to see where she stood and where I stood.

[d0nnivain]

The girl liked you but she has now convinced herself that you don't like her because other than than one day when you asked her to hang out, you have never asked her on a date. She thinks you don't care.

 

You have to start being clear & direct.

 

"Hang out" is casual & ambiguous. The reason she didn't show up at the park is that she wanted to wait for her friend, which you knew. When you left her she concluded that you wanted to go to the park more than you wanted to hang with her, while she waited for her friend. In her mind if it had been about her vs the park you two could have sat in your car in her driveway while waiting for the friend. Instead you took off.

 

All of the other halfassed BS not real communication in between is meaningless because you have never taken the initiative to create another time for you two to spend together.

 

It's time to bite the bullet. Do not ask her if she likes you. Ask her on a date: out for coffee, to get drink, to a movie, whatever. Just spend time with her but say the word "date". Do not say hang out. Don't even suggest a study date because at this point such a thing will further cement in her mind that you only like her as a friend. If you don't have the guts to ask her on a date, the next time you are going to a party or bar, let her know. Say (or gasp! even text) "we're all going to Pi Iota Gamma. You & your girlfriends should stop by later" or "we're going to Sports Pub (or the student union if you're not old enough to drink) to watch the Final Four. C'mon down. Tip off is at 8 EST" At the very least these will get you & her together in a social place

[fitnessfan365]

How could you possibly "love her a lotttt" if you've never even spent time with her?

 

I know you've probably created some grand connection you think you have with her in your mind. But women get really emotionally invested in guys that they have lots of great dates and sex with over a period of months. The fact that you've never even had one date with her, definitely means that it's one sided on your end. So why not relax a little bit, and be more realistic? First see if you can even get her out on a date with you before claiming that you "love" her.

[DatingAdvise]

A couple of things u have to know.

 

 

 

A woman needs time to fall in love with you, its about 7 a 8 weeks solid dating (once per week). Hang out, have fun and make out. In the first 3 weeks u as men iniate contact to ask her on date. You lead the courtship. Most woman sleep with a guy in the first 2 or 3 dates. If her attraction and comfort grows, naturaly a woman will start reaching out to you, the reason they reaching out is hoping u make a date sooner. A woman never ask you out in this stage, instead she will place her self in your orbit. You as men have to ask her out, thats the sign you are also interest in her seeing you. There are moment a woman start backing off, she become somewhat bored, the become somewhat familiar with you, the best thing is give her that space and do not contacting her, only once per week if u doesnt hear from her. Chasing her because u run into fear u will feel losing her is a very bad thing to do! Be patient. Let the woman come to you, act if you are the catch en respect yourself, go about your life. Woman are boomerang if you threat their proply they will come back. Trust me.

Edited March 28, 2015 by DatingAdvise